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silvery_rose

PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 3:13 pm


In the Water


The ocean sprayed Mark as a large wave hit the side of the fishing ship, the Midnight. He smile and wiped his face with his sleeve. It was a beautiful day out. The sun shone in the clear blue sky and everyone on board the Midnight seemed to be in a good mood, and why not? It had been clear sailing, getting good catches, and they weren’t having any ship troubles. It would only a night away until they reached their destination so Mark decided to continue enjoying his time on the Midnight while he could. A strong hand rested on Mark’s shoulder making him jump. He heard a soft chuckle as he turned and faced his father. His father was a tall, muscular man. His naturally black hair was tide back in a pony tail for it was a rather long. Mark was a smaller image of his father though his hair had a bit of a curl which he got from his mother. They both looked out at the seemingly endless ocean.

Mark turned to a group of men trying to pull a net full of fish out of the water onto the ship, but they seemed to be having trouble. “Strong catch?” asked Mark to one of the men. The man focused on pulling the net in but replied, “I’m not sure, but ever time we . . .” He grunted and pulled harder on the net then continued, “Every time we yank on the net to bring it in something pulls back. We have even tried using the crane but it jammed.” Marks father was about to go over and help the men but suddenly they all fell back and a severed net was pulled over the side of the ship. Getting up, the men looked at the net. Some were confused and some looked at the net angrily. Mark and his father walked over to the men.

“It makes no sense,” said one of the men who Mark knew as Rob. He bent down and held an end of the net. “Like it was cut by-” He was cut off by a man cursing like, well, like a sailor. The other men began leaving the scene to continue other work that need to be done. Mark wandered away from the fishermen to the rail that went around the ship and looked over. Nothing looked like it was out of place. The sea looked as it always had. Just as he was about to turn from the water he saw something that made him linger. I was a fish tail but it was huge! Marked grabbed the rail and leaned over trying to get a better view of the fish. “See something, Mark?” It was Rob he was now standing beside Mark.

“I thought.” He stopped when he saw that there once again was nothing out of the ordinary in the water. “Just a fish, I guess.” Rob ruffled his Mark’s hair and headed to the starboard end of the ship but not before looking back at Mark and saying, “Careful not to lean to far over the rail Mark. A mermaid just might pull you in.” He joked. Mark had to laugh. Mermaids were one of the oldest legends that he knew at sea, which were not real at all. He looked down at the white caps of the waves and his eyes widened. There in the water was the face of a girl gazing back at him.

Mark was stunned. He clamped his eyes shut. Come on Mark there’s no such thing as mermaids, he thought. Slowly he opened his eyes and . . . she was gone. I must be touched in the head from the sun, yeah, that’s it. The sun is making me see things. That’s not good. Mark found it in his best interest to get something to eat and forget he ever saw anything.



Later that night Mark stirred in his sleep. Visions of the girl’s face kept appearing in his dream. Getting out of his bunk, he headed up to the poop deck to get a breath of fresh air. Mark yawned as he walked around the deck. No one was up so the ship had lowered its anchor for the night. Wouldn’t want to have the ship sailing in to rocks, Rob had told him. Staring up at the starry, midnight sky he thought back over the weeks he had stayed out at sea with his father fishing, star-gazing, and taking part in the life of a fisherman. Though, after that night he would be on the shore of a small island helping his father do research. This ship was merely a way to reach the island. After that they’d take a smaller boat and go exploring and gather data. Mark loved the idea that his father was a well know Marine Biologist and hoped one day that he could be one too. To follow in his father’s foot steps, that’s what he wanted.

“Why is a young boy like you doing up so late?” asked a voice. Mark looked in every direction but could not see who was speaking to him. “Yoo hoo! Over here.” The voice said again. This time he saw a pale hand waving to him. Mark cautiously walked over to the waving hand which had now dropped. He looked out to the ocean but didn’t see anything. “Down here.” Marks head dropped downward and went into shock. There lying on a life boat was the girl, but she wasn’t a girl. She was a mermaid! And a beautiful one at that, not that he had seen any before. The mermaid’s long midnight-blue hair sat upon her coral colored skin. But what he looked at most was her tail; it was covered in shining jade scales. “It’s not polite to stare,” she said, her voice was most wondrous.

Mark apologized. “I-I’m sorry,” he stuttered. “I’ve never seen a mermaid before.”

The mermaid looked at him a moment then laughed. Mark couldn’t figure out what was so funny. The mermaid put a hand on her bear chest, took in a deep breath, and collected herself. “I suppose that was rude of me, but the look on your face was hilarious.”

Mark didn’t know what to say. What would you say?

The mermaid notice the confusion in his eyes and began to speak again. “I suppose since your tongue seems to be hooked I’ll start the introductions. My name is Nia, and this ocean is my home.”

“Well . . . um . . .” Mark couldn’t get the words out. It wasn’t because he didn’t know how to introduce himself it was because he was standing in front of a six-foot long mermaid. But eventually he got the words out. “My name is Mark Forest. And well the island that I’m headed to will be my home. I guess.” The mermaid gave Mark a cold look. Mark flinched though he didn’t know why. She suddenly felt threatening. “Did I say something wrong?”

Nia looked at the strand of hair that was being fiddled with in her hand. “Why? Why is it that more and more of you humans come to the island bringing nothing more then pollution and harmful ships like these?” She stopped fiddling her hair and lifted up her arm. Across it was a long scar. “Nothing but trouble.”

For a moment Mark felt sorry for the mermaid. Then he spoke, “Not all humans are bad. My father is a biologist that studies fish and other things in the sea to learn about them. Not destroy them. That’s why we’re going to the island.”

The mermaid looked up at him. Her seaweed color eyes looking at him as if she really wanted to believe him. Then she smile. “Well, Mark Forest. I will hold you to your word. Because if you hurt any of my fellow friends I can always drown you.”

This scared Mark pretty badly. He knew she ment every word of what she said even though she said it cheerfully. Just then a lamp to the stairway that lead down into the cabins flickered on. Foot steps could be heard. Mark looked at the door then back at the life boat. The mermaid was no longer there. He was about to turn and leave when Nia called out to him. “Mark! Keep what I said in mind, but don’t fret over it. I’m sure you’ll do the right thing. The ocean is a beautiful place I hope you enjoy exploring it.” She waved to him and dove into the sea.

“I’ll remember . . .” Mark told himself.

Just then the door opened and his father came on deck. “Mark what are you doing up so late?” he ask.

“Nothing much,” Mark said, “just gazing at the stars.”
PostPosted: Sun May 24, 2009 7:19 am


Hmm... No idea how to rate the plot, as everything in this subforum is filled with prologues. Needs some proofreading, though I'm certainly too lazy to provide beta services right now. There is one thing though - that mermaid really should be run through a Mary Sue litmus test. Every character really should, in all honesty. I'm not sure which mythology you're drawing on, but midnight blue hair and jade scales aren't particularly common. Also, technicality: Coral-colored is quite a wide range, depending on the variety and deadness of the coral. Dead is white, not quite dead yet is slightly less colorful than live, and live encompasses a whole load of colors when it comes to corals, if I remember correctly.

TL;DR: SPaG check, Mary Sue test, and possible logic hole filling.

Buta no Kaabii
Vice Captain

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