|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 12:18 pm
Television, My Best Friend
You entertain me more than anything I know
You glowing face
You obedient nature
Telling me exactly what I want to hear
Exactly when I want to hear it
Changing when I want you to
Silent when I need you to
Yet controlling me to no end
I can sit there
Listening to you
Watching you
Just being with you
For one hour?
For two?
Forever really
Laughing at the
nonsensical
Things you say
Listening to the
Slanderous
Rumors you spread
But,
Ohs well
Like I said before
You’re entertaining
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 12:21 pm
Just to let you know, I deliberately put 'Ohs' instead of 'Oh.' It's just something I tend to do when I'm the speaker in a poem or story opposed to a character.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 7:28 am
That's so true, I love the last few lines of it and how disjointed they are but still work. I have a thing for disjointed poetry.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 11:32 am
For the most part, I really like this. The concept is excellent, and I like the wording you choose. The "Ohs well" snagged me, simply because I'm a grammar Nazi, but if it's how the voice flows in your own head then it makes sense to add the 's.'
The only thing I didn't like (and caused me to vote as "it's ok" instead of "Love it"), was the structure of the poem. I felt it was a little disjointed towards the end and made it hard to follow, despite how lovely the phrasing was.
Then again, that could just be my own personal tastes getting in the way, so don't take my criticism too seriously (or personally!). Over all, it's a very nice piece. I particularly like the "Telling me exactly what I want to hear, Exactly when I want to hear it, Changing when I want you to" section. Awesome. V!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 9:49 am
Thanks a lot for your reviews! Now that I think about it, I may change the last lines so that they flow better. I really meant for them to have a kind of 'I don't really care' air to them, so I'll have to fix that.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:14 pm
very nice, im not a big fan of the disjointedness near the end, but the "ohs well" stuck out to me too, but in a good way.
i looked at it in context as being a sort of mixture of "oh well" and "all's well" since both could fit in that line.
very nice poem = )
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
