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 Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 11:43 pm
I'm 16. I'm with a guy whos 15. We're sexually active (for the record, I don't care if ppl think we're too young. maturity doesn't come with age, it comes with experience) and he's the only guy I've ever been sexually active with. We've been dating for two years and we're pretty serious about each other.
He thinks we lost our virginities to each other... but in my case, thats not true...
I was raped by my X-boyfriend when i was 14. I've never told my current bf about it. I mean, I was planning to, but a huge part of me beleives that bringing it up will not help me get over what had happened (I mean, come on... two years ago and I'm still not over what had ahppened...)
I love him so much, and I feel bad for letting him beleive that he was the first guy to ever have sex with me...
This has been bothering me for two years: Does being raped still quallify as lossing your virginity??
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 8:18 am
There's an old thread somewhere in the guild that I will find for you. It deals with this exact topic.
But in short, it depends on how you look at it. A lot of people don't count rape as losing their virginity, because it was forced on them.
And it might help you to talk to your boyfriend about it - he might be relieved you trusted him enough to tell him about it, and you can correct his assumption that he is the first guy to have sex with you. Counselling/therapy might help you deal with it too.
Side note: Maturity comes with age AND life experience.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 12:49 pm
I know a couple survivors of rape who do not qualify the rape as the loss of their virginity because the act was not about sex, but about violence.
Of course there are going to be some literal interpretations made on you by some people who will tell you that "blah blah blah, virginity is lost when penetration happens...etc."
But I mean there are lesbian women who are not penetrated by a male but consider their virginity lost to fingers, oral sex, etc.
I belive the "loss of virginity" as a concrete thing went out with the middle ages and a dowry. There is no longer a concrete PHYSICAL way for anyone (even your GYN) to tell if you've had sex in the past...why do you think they always have to ask. Because women are more active, and also more women self pleasure, etc.
Emotionally, I think this would be a good thing for you to sort out (how you personally feel about your own sexual self and virginity), especially if you have any lingering issues involving your rape.
Further, I think your boyfriend might be more angry FOR you than AT you should you tell him.
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Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 11:17 pm
That's heavy. You gave you virginity to your current bf, it was stolen by your ex. Your current bf may not have been the first, but he ws the first invited, and that's what's important.
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