Hmm, I dunno where to start with this one, but how about we start with my latest bit of misery that has made me reconsider my whole other half. I've known I was bi since I was about 15 years old. I meet people here all the time where they are 12 and 13 and already know, and I sit and think how is that possible. But with every generation the awareness of one's sexuality becomes more. But this is about me.
I never really had a girlfriend. I've kissed girls, and 'been' with girls in the sense that one girl can be with another. But never a girlfriend. I never fell in love with anyone the way I've fell in love with.. we'll we'll just call her Sandy. Sandy was my first girlfriend, my first true love. And I didn't find her till I was 24. Ironically, I met her through a friend who was also in love with her, but that's later in the story. She was exactly like me in every way imaginable. You ever find that one person who is your other half, completely like they were made from the same mold? Well that's what she was to me, my other half. Even though she was younger than me, we both shared the same life experiences, right down to both of us being touched in naughty places when we were children.
We both loved the same music, the same foods, the same everything. As we got to know each other we realized we had differences such as I loved books and she loved cartoons. That was okay, it made it all that much better. We used to talk all the time on the computer, and on the phone. I dunno, we just clicked I suppose. Then she started spending all her time on a website called Narutowire.com[ you can watch anime, and they have a chat section] Pretty soon, she'd forget she was talking to me. The first few times it was okay, but eventually it would become bothersome. I was mad the first time, then things got better... We were good again, then she got caught up again. This plus her increased involvement with the mutual friend who loved her but she didn't love him. After helping her settled that, she started talking about a boy named Shawn[well that's what his name is for this story].
It was fine, we often made friends we talked about, letting each other know. But then all she talked about was Shawn. She'd share with me some cute thing he said about her. Or how he was so cute on the phone. She even ignored my phone call one day because she spent literally 24 hrs talking to him. It started hurting after awhile. It felt almost as if she were rubbing my face in it. She stopped noticing she was doing it, and the night she told me he asked her out. I knew she and I were over. Even though she was bi, I knew she wouldn't know how to handle being in two relationships. I took a few days to myself, and then she finally noticed what had happened. He broke up with her a week later, and she said she wanted me back. Not even two hours later, she was breaking up with me again.
I suppose that was my fault. I just missed her so much, I wanted her back. Then it was done. I gave up trying to be with her, and I deleted her from my phone book. Banned her on Aim and MSN. But she made a new AIM name and IM'ed me. Same with MSN. After banning those names, she called me. Once on New Years, of course I picked up because I didn't know it was her number. Then she called me a week later, to tell me that a friend [which is another story] had met me while I was visiting my parents. Which was a lie because if he had shown up I would have punched him dead in the face.
Then a few weeks after that she called me to ask me for something. When I told her I didn't have it she kinda got quiet like she wanted to say something. But I said bye and hung up the phone. Now she's following me around Gaia. Going to the Charity thread I frequent. I've told her that I don't want anything to do with her right now, no matter how much she still wants to be in my life. I need to be okay with me, without her, first and then maybe... but I make no guarantees. But she can't seem to understand that...
-sigh-
heart
I never really had a girlfriend. I've kissed girls, and 'been' with girls in the sense that one girl can be with another. But never a girlfriend. I never fell in love with anyone the way I've fell in love with.. we'll we'll just call her Sandy. Sandy was my first girlfriend, my first true love. And I didn't find her till I was 24. Ironically, I met her through a friend who was also in love with her, but that's later in the story. She was exactly like me in every way imaginable. You ever find that one person who is your other half, completely like they were made from the same mold? Well that's what she was to me, my other half. Even though she was younger than me, we both shared the same life experiences, right down to both of us being touched in naughty places when we were children.
We both loved the same music, the same foods, the same everything. As we got to know each other we realized we had differences such as I loved books and she loved cartoons. That was okay, it made it all that much better. We used to talk all the time on the computer, and on the phone. I dunno, we just clicked I suppose. Then she started spending all her time on a website called Narutowire.com[ you can watch anime, and they have a chat section] Pretty soon, she'd forget she was talking to me. The first few times it was okay, but eventually it would become bothersome. I was mad the first time, then things got better... We were good again, then she got caught up again. This plus her increased involvement with the mutual friend who loved her but she didn't love him. After helping her settled that, she started talking about a boy named Shawn[well that's what his name is for this story].
It was fine, we often made friends we talked about, letting each other know. But then all she talked about was Shawn. She'd share with me some cute thing he said about her. Or how he was so cute on the phone. She even ignored my phone call one day because she spent literally 24 hrs talking to him. It started hurting after awhile. It felt almost as if she were rubbing my face in it. She stopped noticing she was doing it, and the night she told me he asked her out. I knew she and I were over. Even though she was bi, I knew she wouldn't know how to handle being in two relationships. I took a few days to myself, and then she finally noticed what had happened. He broke up with her a week later, and she said she wanted me back. Not even two hours later, she was breaking up with me again.
I suppose that was my fault. I just missed her so much, I wanted her back. Then it was done. I gave up trying to be with her, and I deleted her from my phone book. Banned her on Aim and MSN. But she made a new AIM name and IM'ed me. Same with MSN. After banning those names, she called me. Once on New Years, of course I picked up because I didn't know it was her number. Then she called me a week later, to tell me that a friend [which is another story] had met me while I was visiting my parents. Which was a lie because if he had shown up I would have punched him dead in the face.
Then a few weeks after that she called me to ask me for something. When I told her I didn't have it she kinda got quiet like she wanted to say something. But I said bye and hung up the phone. Now she's following me around Gaia. Going to the Charity thread I frequent. I've told her that I don't want anything to do with her right now, no matter how much she still wants to be in my life. I need to be okay with me, without her, first and then maybe... but I make no guarantees. But she can't seem to understand that...
-sigh-
heart
