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 Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 12:27 pm
He was standing in the water, staring out across the sea. His expression was dazed and as he stood, his weight swayed as if the ground beneath his was ever moving. A wind tussled the black mane from his eyes and for a moment it seemed as if it would blow him to the ground.
But he was okay. He stood strong, or stronger than he looked any how.
The sea looked odd and he felt confused.
What was he doing here? Why was he alone? What had happened back there in the trees? Was the Goddess still there?
And the biggest question of all.
What had she done to his head?
He felt as if he couldn't decide on anything. He felt confused by everything. Felt as if he were blundering along not quite sure of what he was doing or even of who he was. Now his head hurt and he was forced to sit down, seemingly unaware of the ways lapping at his hind quarters.
--
Illena was growing worried, it had been more than a few hours since Cassian had left, saying there was something he had to care for. And he still wasn't back. She had begun to pace back and forth in her worry and her red eyes kept darting back and forth hoping they'd catch a glimpse of him. To know that he was okay. While he was gone she had attempted to hunt however...it hadn't turned out very well. She found herself too distracted, thinking about him. Of course thinking about him had always helped her before and now...well she had a sinking feeling that something bad had happened.
She couldn't get the thought out of her mind.
Finally she decided that it wasn't going to do her any good to sit and wait for him to come back. For all she knew he was looking for her! Shaking her head she stopped pacing and made her way back towards the sea, where they had 'played' a day or two before. Hesiatantly she called his name.
"C-cassian?"
--
A voice on the breeze.
It niggled at the back of his mind, but it was a moment before he realised that he recognised it. He turned an ear first and then, a few seconds later, he turned his head.
His eyes didn't work properly, but he could see the blurs of shapes around him. The green strip of hazy trees against the grey sweep of cliffs. There was movement there too. A white sort of blur that looked as if a cloud had fallen from the sky and was now floating towards him.
He bristled fearfully and was on his feet again in a second, backing up into deeper waters.
What was that?! Was it the Goddess come back to haunt him?
--
She saw him, saw him backing away from her and into the water. Did he not recognize her? She was perplexed, confused. She couldn't seem to understand the situation. "Cassian? Cassian are you alright?" She called taking an uncertain step forward once, twice, then she was hurrying towards him concern upon her features still blissfully unaware of his failing eye-sight.
"What's wrong?"
She called again stopping afraid that he'd move deeper into the water. Farther away from her. Fear tickled at her heart. What had happened? Why did he look at her with fear in his eyes?
--
And then the white cloud came into focus and he realised who it was. He was not so muddled that he didn't recognise a friendly face when he saw one. But it was not happy and shining - like he remembered. It was full of fear and panic.
Why?
He stepped towards her, cautiously, unsure.
"Illena?" He blinked, hoping it would clear his vision. But it wouldn't. Nothing would. "What's wrong? Why are you looking like that, eh?" Apparently he'd not heard her words. "I...I thought you were a cloud."
--
When he called her name she could feel the fear in her heart calm. She let out the breath she hadn't realized that she had been holding. "I...I thought you didn't remember me." She mumbled unsure if she actually wanted him to hear her. "Are you okay?" She asked clearly.
When he told her that he thought she had been a cloud she couldn't help but smile and laugh lightly. "A cloud? I don't think anyone has ever called me that before." She told him hoping to make him feel better about the situation. Of course then it got her to wonder why he thought she had been a cloud. Had he just not seen her clearly?
Yes...that had to be it.
--
"Of course I remember you." He replied, rolling his eyes, appearing as if he was returning to himself. Suddenly, realising how deep he was in the water, he jerked forwards, stumbling up for the sand.
"What was I doing in the water like that?" He hissed, narrowing his eyes at the sea as if blaming it for sneaking up on him. "Stupid sea." Then, he turned back to Illena, smiling faintly.
"Well, you are white, you know? At a distance, you could have been...well, you know, a fallen cloud. It probably does happen. I mean...they can't fly up there forever, right?" He glanced upwards, somewhat nervously then shifted closer.
"I'm fine. I'm fine. No one followed you, did they?" He glanced up. "No...rainbow wings?"
--
"Good." She replied happily, it was nice to know that he hadn't forgotten. That he probably wouldn't. The thought in it's own was simply reassuring to the girl. "I-I don't know. You were already in the water when I found you." She told him her brows furrowing together as she thought about it. He wasn't much of a fan of water, that she could tell. That was obvious. Everything else? Not so much.
"I suppose you have a point. I could confuse people that way. Probably."
She agreed with a nod also looking towards the sky and the few clouds that littered it. "I don't think so." She replied taken back by his question. Was there someone he wanted to avoid? "Rainbow wings? I don't think I've seen any birds around here recently."
--
Shaking the water from his fur, he gave a small huff and sat in the sand, curling his tail around him. His ears came forward and his heavy brow furrowed. For a moment he looked like he might say something, then confusion lit his eyes and he cast the thought away.
Looking up, he seemed to realise that what he was saying clearly wasn't making sense.
Illena looked as confused as he felt!
"Well...it doesn't matter now...I guess."
He shook his head, confusion etching his mind. "I...uh..." A pause. "No, me either. Guess I must have imagined that, too." But then...what about that Goddess? He'd left her unconscious. Should he have done that? Maybe he should have killed her for what she'd done to him.
But what had she done, exactly?
He shook his head, confused.
"Does something...seem different, to you?"
--
"You seem a little different." She admitted when he asked her before stepping towards him again just before taking a seat. Tilting her head she tried to study his expression finding it difficult. It seem confused and clouded. It was hard to read. "I can't really put my paw on it though." She told him with a soft sigh. "I'm not really sure..."
She trailed off wondering if she should ask him about anything that had happened to him while they had been seperated. Something wasn't right and she didn't know what. Maybe that sinking feeling she had before had been right. Something back had to have happened to him. "Did something happen to you?"
--
"I think so..." He replied. "I met someone. Not a regular someone. A special someone. She was different. Someone I'd been searching for." He tried to recall a name but could not. "She was a confusing sort. I asked her for help and she...she..."
He glanced up, seeming to look for something that he could not seem to find. "I think she made it worse."
He drew in a shaky breath and leaned his head against her shoulder, seeking comfort from it.
"She broke something."
--
He had met someone? A special someone? Illena was unsure of the meaning of his words but they hurt her, even if she didn't understand why. "You were looking for her?" She asked meekly not actually wanting to hear much about this person he had been looking for. "What kind of help?" When she heard that she felt slightly better. He had only been looking for this girl for help...but with what? Why hadn't he asked her? Did he not trust her?
That idea hurt just as much.
She didn't like the mixed feelings she was getting from this conversation. "What do you think she might have broken?" Once again she found herself holding her breath in anticipation.
--
"Yeah..." He swallowed, realising suddenly that he shouldn't be speaking about this. That this was a secret she couldn't possibly find out. Why would she want to hang out with him if he was a half-blind, bumbling fool? Why would she want to stick around when he told her he'd been using her to survive...to hunt for him because he was incapable?
Anger and frustration bit at him and for a moment it seemed like he might refuse to say anymore.
"She didn't do what I asked. She didn't fix what I wanted her to. She messed with my head. I remember it. She felt around in my thoughts. She went where she shouldn't have." His hackles rose. "She said she could do it. But she couldn't. She messed with my head." He shook it vigorously.
"I'll make her fix it." He stood and made an attempt at heading back to where she had left her...but he couldn't quite remember where that had been.
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Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 8:52 am
Messed with his head? Illena simply couldn't understand, after all how could a lion, bird or whatever he was talking about mess with his head or feel around in his thoughts? She never heard of anything except maybe a god being able to do something like that. Then it hit her, they had spoken of gods before and that must of been why. So he could find one to fix whatever it was that he claimed needed fixing.
"I'm sorry Cassian, I'm really confused." She told him as she swallowed dryly. "What needed to be fixed?" She wanted to know but had the feeling he didn't want to disclose that information with her.
When he moved away from her and to where he thought the goddess had been she started after him. "Can...can I help?"
--
He blinked and looekd back at her. He didn't mean to be difficult. He wasn't trying to confuse her - or himself for that matter. But his thoughts seemed muddled, as if they were rabbits and he had to chase after them in order to word them correctly. But as they fled they became blurred and when he finally caught them there were escaping threads that he couldn't seem to remember.
Frustration bit heavily at him. But what could he do?
"Me. She had to fix me." He looked as if he was beginning to despair now. "I...I don't know. Maybe. She couldn't. Useless. I thought she could help but she couldn't. I hate her. I'm going to make her fix my head. If she doesn't I'll make sure she pays. You can help with that."
And he started off again, moving quicker now, a desperate edge to his steps. If only he could remember where he had left her...
--
"I still don't understand," She paused with a heavy sigh as she shook her head. "What's there to fix about you?" She couldn't help but ask because, no matter how corny it was, she didn't think anything was wrong with him. He had his flaws but so did everyone else. No one was perfect, no one ever had a need to be perfect. "Maybe she panicked, I don't think it's fair to hate someone because they made a mistake." She had to say it because that was how she felt before she had met him. She had always been so afraid that if she made a mistake or messed up in anyway that everyone would hate her. Who ever it was that tried to help him but failed, well she couldn't help but wonder if she felt the same way.
"I..I'm not sure I want to help you hurt anyone." She paused biting down on her lip as she tried to sort her thoughts. "I want to help you Cassian but not at the cost of hurting someone else."
--
He grumbled something under his breath, trying desperately to tell her something, anything that wouldn't mean telling her the truth. He could feel himself slowly slipping into a panic and the fact that he couldn't really control his thoughts were making it worse. It was like he kept opening his mouth and speaking before he'd thought about it.
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
His final decision: close himself up. Shut her out. Better that than admitting to the truth.
He quickened his pace, feeling moisture in his eyes and not daring to look back in case she noticed. "Fine. I won't hurt her yet. Not until she's undone whatever she's done to my head."
--
"Fine." She said that one simple word almost bitterly. She couldn't understand why he wouldn't explain anything to her. If he didn't want to talk then so be it. She wouldn't push the matter any farther. She didn't want to talk to him when he was acting so...she couldn't even think of the word for it. Whatever it was, well she did not like it. Not one bit.
"If you hurt her without a reason..." She trailed off unsure of what she was trying to say. "Nevermind." She shook her head and took another step behind him. "Just think about things before you do anything okay?" She asked, pleaded. She didn't want someone to get hurt. No, especially since he'd probably be the one that really got hurt. "And be careful."
--
fin/
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