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UNTITLED - POETRY

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vampaela

PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 8:17 am


This was something I wrote with a friend of mine during a class in our school. It was some kind of excercise our teacher made us do and it was supposed to be a funny one. Well, when Kat (my friend) and I write together, it usually ends up being something really depressing.

Because I had to translate from greek, please forgive any mistakes.
sweatdrop


Fairies are dancing in the darkness
leading the dead to Hades,
singing some sad digress
for loves that will never come back
and doors that never meant to close.

The angels, that stoped laughing
and then stopped living,
are here to pick up the pieces of my soul
with tears in their eyes.

Sad goddesses that seem to hate me,
are unpassing hours that came too late,
and now are gone forever,
lost in thoughts that cause only pain.
They hold my bleeding heart
with spells that dont seem to be enough.

Looking back in my life what I left behind
oblivion starts to hurt too much...
PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 8:26 am


That's really good! A few misspelled words, digres needs to be digress,
and stoped needs to be stopped, but it's just one letter on each so it's still definitely understandable smile

MagisterXero
Captain


Darcnesfalls
Crew

PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 2:26 pm


wow i like it. it inspires me to write more but sadely almost everything i write is depressing lol
PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:50 am


4laugh Thanks! 4laugh

vampaela


EmeliaTyber

PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 2:00 pm


I am...a street fighter...
User Image

Good poem.

Besides the spelling mistakes, I have to say that some of what your saying doesn't entirely make sense. Digress is not an object. Literally you as saying "singing some sad wander away", which doesn't work...

You are also talking about fairies, then that you feel abandoned, and then now the world hates you, and then your distruction? None of these topics are related enough for your poem to flow. It's choppy.

I think this poem has great potential. A little bit of tweeking would certainly make it even better. ^_^
PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 2:16 pm


well wow! i didnt knew that you posted our poem!!well done at least you told them that we wrote this together!!!of course i didnt know that everyone could read this so it is a great surprise!!really you should told me though....cuz im really pissed off right now............

Lorperian


vampaela

PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 5:25 am


Lorperian
well wow! i didnt knew that you posted our poem!!well done at least you told them that we wrote this together!!!of course i didnt know that everyone could read this so it is a great surprise!!really you should told me though....cuz im really pissed off right now............


sorry
crying

So this is my very talented in poetry and story-writing friend Kat!

Be nice to her!
evil
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