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 Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 9:00 pm
POEM1
Rehumanize
An Alien strikes so forcefully killing everyone's tranquility. A life to live in an havoc world.
How the corrupted government reign's over thee to the closed minds of humanity.
The twisted fate of time, how it controls and wavers thee to the point of contribution.
Everyone running around like an arrogant fool, never knowing where the true problem lies.
Does it lie with humans? or is it just all an illusion of their unconciousness.
POEM2
Confusion
What a simple emotion, yet complex.
The mass of your perception, subquently ponders to the interlude of your reasoning.
As you falter to comprehend the misgivings that lead you to be
It is then that you realized
Your confused...
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Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 9:15 pm
Im a beginer soo yeah 1st poems i've written
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-Resurrected Writer- Crew
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Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 9:23 pm
I really don't get your use of "thee" in what is probably a present-time-based poem.
Also, both poems read like prose rather than poetry. Not a hint of meter to be found.
Then there's the grammar, but I don't feel like going into that right now.
Anyway, I admit that I did like the second piece in that it reads much like its title implies - confusion. It has a problem and no solution.
Both of them might have some potential if you rework them later. Try reading up on poetry technique and non-fiction regarding both concepts of the pieces.
EDIT: And this needs to be in the art/literature/whatever subforum.
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