Kizuka was a bit nonplussed. It had been so strange, coming to this new pack and being so welcomed. This creature of the night, this walker of shadows, accepted by others of her own kind, without any weird looks or confused questions. They seemed to know her before she introduced herself, and never wondered why she only walked at night. They were a nocturnal pack, after all. What was so weird about another one just like them?Kizuka had never been part of a family before.
And now she was not only adopting a whole new family, without any blood to bind them, but bringing three lives with her. Lives she had helped create, and lives that she had brought into this world through a rather strange, painful, and all together glorious experience of birthing. They looked so much like her, and their father, who she doubted she would ever meet again. Looking at them made her happy, but she didn’t know why. She just knew they were right.
Whatever that meant.
Risktaker wandered away from his den at a pretty early hour of the evening. The sun had only just gone down, the sky still tinged purple as the last rays of sun sank beneath the horizon. He spotted a shadow nearby, stretching long over the calm grasses, and moved to follow it, thinking it might be his lifemate. He noted that the shadow was still too short to belong to his beloved, and soon found the source of it, sitting alone with her eyes to the sky.
It was Phantomsoul, a relatively new member of the pack. She had followed them as they had been returning home, ever in their wake, persisting in her chase until she had finally caught up to them. He remembered how scared she had seemed, how out of place and completely at a loss as to how to conduct herself. She wasn’t a very good speaker, and had no skills with others, but they had welcomed her.
Smiling, he moved toward her, making enough noise in his approach so she didn’t get startled as he sat beside her. Tilting his scruffy head toward the adolescent mother, he grinned.
“How are you this fine evening, Phantomsoul?”
Kizuka looked at Risktaker as he sat down beside her. He was a nice wild dog, and always seemed to find the time to speak with every member of the pack, no matter how new or old. And he genuinely cared when he asked a question, which was interesting to her. After years of observing creatures at a distance she had noticed many of them only asked questions for the sake of talking, and the answers were often very similar and useless.
Risktaker, however, seemed to believe in conversation. That was odd. And completely out of Kizuka’s league. She had grown up on her own, barely speaking to anyone. There weren’t very many words in her vocabulary, save those she had picked up during her years of watching. She swallowed and nodded stoically at the older wild dog, not knowing what to say.
Time passed, and neither said anything. She didn’t know what to do, so she continued looking at the sky.
Risktaker watched the adolescent for a moment, not getting an answer to his question and finding that oddly amusing. He knew she was bad at talking, but to not offer him anything at all, save a nod, was a bit silly. He smiled jovially and played to her comfort zone, remaining quiet for as long as his naturally curious mind allowed. It was about six minutes.
“Are you having a good time here, with the pack? And your babies? How are they? I’ve seen them around, playing. And you look a lot happier with them. I mean, I know I only knew you for a little while before they came, but, uh. You look happier now, anyway. Sorry. I’m not really good at being quiet, so I can just do the talking for both of us, huh?” He grinned, a big toothy smile that was meant to disarm.
Kizuka smiled thinly. She was getting more used to smiling. Before she had come here it was a very rare feat indeed. She never had need to show her emotions, always alone, so now, in company, she was just learning how to act like a normal wild dog. She shook her head and drew a deep breath, as if centering herself for a difficult task.
“I don’t mind… talking… I’m getting better at it… I think. But not… I mean. Some words are… harder,” it was like a warning, just to fall back on in case her conversation wasn’t as good as he wanted it to be. She didn’t want to disappoint him in any way, or make him not want to talk to her again in the future. She liked these new experiences very much, and wanted them to continue.
“I’m doing okay… the puppies are happy… I love them, very much.” She chuckled ever so slightly at his expression, looking up and catching it only briefly before looking back down to hide her laugh. She was still getting over being shy which, in itself, was new. Being alone, there was very little to be shy of.
Risktaker barked a laugh as she looked away from him, flicking his tail playfully. He was glad she was warming up to the place, having been worried that she might isolate herself completely. It must be hard, coming from complete isolation to a pack environment, but she seemed to be doing well. And he was keeping a good, almost fatherly eye on her.
He was sure she would be fine. Just fine.
“I’m glad to hear it! They love you too, I’m sure. My lifemate is expecting puppies, you know. I might have to come to you for advice on the little things. I don’t know how to look after my own flesh and blood, but I’m definitely excited about it. From the way you act with yours, and what I’ve seen of the other families in the pack… it looks like a good way to live a life.”
”Yes…” Kizuka said quietly, her thoughts turning to her young family. They were so sweet and full of life, curious about the world and without a trace of her own past in them. And of course that made sense. They were born into this pack, and accepted right away. Why would they develop the same anxiety and isolation tendencies as their mother? She was learning through them, doing her very best not to be reserved with them. They were her everything and, as such, deserved everything from her.
“I don’t think… I could teach you,” she said, taking his words as a serious suggestion. She shook her head, shrugging her thin shoulders, “I’m still learning… but then… it feels so… it’s… supposed to be. I don’t know the word. But I already know, some times, what to do with them.”
She smiled, turning her head back toward where she had left her pups sleeping. They were safe, comfortable and warm, and she was happy to know that.
“You will know.”
Risktaker listened to her quietly, nodding as she spoke. For someone who didn’t have many words in her she was awfully sagely. Or maybe he was just projecting that feeling on her. She was just enigmatic, slow, and reserved. Qualities of a sage, he imagined. Smiling at himself, and trying not to look too goofy while hiding it, he nodded as she spoke.
“I guess that sounds right. I just worry, you know. I mean, I know I’m a good guy,” he paused to give a completely phony, ego centric grin and eyebrow waggle, “but I don’t want to disappoint anyone, or mess anything up. Particularly not with my lifemate. She’s everything to me. I want this to be perfect for her. And I’ll do anything I need to, to make sure of that. I just don’t think there’s anything I can do, at this point.”
He laughed, looking out over the horizon and heaving a sigh. It took a lot for Risktaker to admit he was nervous, even in just body language. He didn’t know how to form the exact words, but the slouch in his shoulders and loving, conflicted look in his eyes spoke volumes.
”You’ll be fine.”
Kizuka nodded at him. She even smiled, wagging her tail ever so slightly behind her. It was as big a sign of excitement and happiness as she knew how to show, outside of when she was with her cubs. She nodded again, sighing as she spoke.
“You love her so much, I can tell, that you’ll love them just as much. You shouldn’t worry… that’s what you need… just the love. What else should there be? I learned that… through my puppies, though… their dad I left… but I don’t miss him… because there was no love.”
She smiled, wider this time, looking up to stare him straight in the eyes.
“You’re a good soul.”
Risktaker was a bit taken aback by this turn around. He had come out here to offer her some support, if she was lonely or having trouble settling in, and yet here she was, telling him what a fine creature he was, and making him feel like it could be nothing other than absolutely true. Of course he was good. So was his beloved. Of course their puppies would be loved, would be fine. Everything was moving. It was The Way at work. He knew that.
So why was this new member making him remember it?
He smiled, his appreciation glowing in his eyes.
“You’re not so bad yourself. I’m sorry you couldn’t have a lifemate in the father of your pups, but I know you’ll find someone, one day. I know it’s weird to say, but I think I’m proud of everything you’re doing here, and the kind of wild dog you’re turning out to be, now that you’ve come out of your shell a bit. Too weird? Sorry about that. Anyway, thank you for the pep talk, though I think I should have been the one doing it, since it’s my self appointed job. But hey, a little role reversal never hurt any one.” He smiled.
”You’re welcome,” she said nodding one more time. She stood, feeling her chest burning. She wasn’t used to being embarrassed or so happy, so she felt like she needed to beat a retreat. This older wild dog was looking out for her, she knew that, but she had never had a father figure in her life. It might take some getting used to, even if she never spoke to him again. The feeling would still be there, when she saw him around.
“I should go home to my babies. I miss them.”
She smiled, almost a grin and, shrugging her shoulders in a short motion of goodbye, she turned away from him and moved quietly toward her den. She sighed, feeling content and safe. This was her new home. Her new family. And she was really starting to love it.
Risktaker watched her go, his smile fading as she vanished. He looked back over the horizon, tail flicking listlessly behind him. Their talk had calmed him, but he couldn’t help but still feel anxiety. He would feel it until the moment his puppies were born, to the day he was parted from them in this world. It was what being a father was, though he didn’t yet know that.
It was something he would grow to appreciate and revel in.
Right now, however, he felt sick to his stomach and decided to chew on some grass before returning to his den. Which he did. It didn’t make him feel any better, though he kept a stalk between his teeth and used it as a whistle, carrying it back to his den to show the female he was completely and utterly in love with, simply because he thought it might make her smile.
And he loved it when she smiled.
End!
