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 Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 7:50 am
She groomed her children as they slept tucked against her side, tired after a day of romping around the den. She'd forbidden them to go outside just yet, afraid that their legs would tire and they might fall and hurt themselves. Especially for her bright-blue child, who was her prize and joy.
She paused a moment and then moved to groom her own whiskers, turning her attention to the orb of light that was the outside world. Out there lay a pride of lions who would 'ooo' and 'ahhh' over her new babies and once they were weaned they would be deposited onto a male who would be nanny to them until they had come of age.
Purring with delight, she turned her eyes back to her litter, almost startled to death as she met the eyes of her eldest daughter, eyes set in that pale, horrifying face. She swallowed back the odd feeling of fear and revulsion, to try and act like the mother she should be. But the cub must have seen some of that emotion in her eyes, for her look darkened and she drew away.
"Aysu. Don't stare at your mother like that." She snapped, reaching out to give her a good hard cuff across the ear.
--
Aysu hunkered down, whimpering lightly as her mother's paw batted roughly against the side of her head. What had she done now? Angered her mother because she'd been offended by that look in her face? That wasn't fair! Mother never looked at any of her other children that way. Not even Ryba and he was a boy!
Yes, so young, but they'd already been given the lecture on rank. Ryba was the lowest rank by default because he was a male and she was the lowest rank a female could be because of her colour.
That was why mother disliked her, so. Perhaps, also, because her colour was not all blue like the rest of her siblings, but slate grey...an odd colour considering she wasn't sure where it had come from.
"Ouch..." She mumbled as an afterthought, reaching up to rub her sore cheek. "Don't hit. Didn't do nuff-ing."
--
Horowai had returned her attention to the forepaw that had struck her child, cleaning the dirt from between her toes and taking the time to inspect the edges of her dark, hooked claws. Why did she bother even so much as punishing the child for rude behaviour? She clearly had no concept of right or wrong like her other children.
Just like her father...
She found her gaze sauntering nervously back to that eerie face, finding a chill growing in her chest. She looked so much like that male it was terrifying. Same pale face. Same rude manner. Same look in her eye. She could never quite tell what the little one was thinking. It had been that way with Suijin too.
Maybe having him take a cub wouldn't be so bad after all...especially if it was this one.
"I am your mother, you will show me respect. Do you see any of the other children glaring at me so?"
--
The cub drew herself up a little, her paws unnaturally large and her face heavy-set with a deep brow and sloping chin. She was ugly and that ugliness was starting to affect her mother more than she knew possible. "You never look at the others like you look at me!" She would have been scary if she hadn't been a tiny little cub, who could speak only at high-pitched tones.
"Even Ryba gets more love than me!"
--
"Hardly." Horowai snorted. "I treat you all as my children. Nothing more and nothing less. Yes, your sisters might receive a little more attention, but that is as it should be. They will become Gasht and a Rawal, they will have heavier responsibility than you. You must learn only to take orders. So learn it fast, little grey."
She rose her paw to give the child another clout, but decided against it. She was troubled now. Troubled by the fact that she could not find herself loving this child. She had tried. By the love of her pride she had tried! It was not even the fact that she was to become a Shikar-i that was the problem. It was the fact that she looked so much like that hateful male. Her father. It brought up memories of him and refused to let them go. Tormenting her every time she looked into that haunted face.
"Will you react with tantrums and spiteful words to all those above you? That is not honourable, daughter. Do you remember what I taught you about honour?"
--
Aysu grumbled, pulling free from her siblings and moving back away from her mother, into the light trickling in from the entrance. This light dappled in her blue eyes and contrasted them even greater against the pale fur of her face.
"Honour is everything." Aysu repeated what her mother had told them time and time again, since the day they were born. But even as she said the words she knew that they weren't true. What about happiness? Love? What about simply living and not caring about titles and colours and all that stuff? What about playing with her siblings and learning about the world? There was no honour in that, but it made her happy - if only briefly.
"You're wrong." She said after a moment. "I won't take orders." And as if to prove it she sidled closer to the entrance, stumbling a little over her big paws.
--
The lioness scowled. "You are a bitter dissapointment, Aysu. Don't you realise how much your words hurt me? You will be expected to break the rules. You must! You cannot be permitted to show me up. We all have our own reputation, but our actions also affect our families too."
When had she ever taken that into consideration on one of her little 'heists'? Well, she hadn't. Maybe she should start listening to her own advice.
"Don't even think about going out there." She snapped suddenly, lowering her voice only when the cubs stirred at her side. "I mean it, Aysu. Take one more step and you won't be joining the others when I take them outside tomorrow."
--
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Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 7:59 am
Aysu's little face scrunched up and, without warning, burst into tears. She hated this. SHe hated arguing. She hated being the odd one out. She hated being the centre of bad feeling all the time. She wished she could understand it but the truth was, if she did, she'd probably be even angrier at her mother than she was now.
For why should she be judged because she had her father's looks?
She did not know him. Did not know he existed. And as far as she was concerned she was disliked just because she was different. What reason was that?
Through the sniffles, she managed to hiss out. "I hate you." And, albeit blindly, she made her move for the tunnel's entrance, determined to make her escape.
--
But Horowai was faster than she and a split second later she was blocking the entrance with her body, snarling and spitting like a mad thing. She lowered her head, tucked it under her flailing daughter's body and buffetted her roughly back amongst her brother and sisters.
"Don't you dare do that again." She snapped.
And, gathering her wits about her, she soothed herself to calm, pulling slowly back towards her children, tucking herself around them. As she did so she jammed her daughter so she was pinned between the others and moved to rest her chin across her back.
"Go to sleep, Aysu. I'll have no more of this."
--
Sniffing and weeping, Aysu struggled in a vain attempt to escape her bonds. She didn't want to sleep when she was so angry and on edge. She just wanted to get away for a while, to be alone without worry of being yelled at for looking the wrong way.
After a moment, however, she allowed herself to accept her fate and closed her little eyes. But her dreams were not easy and in them she could feel the rain drumming against her back, wetting her fur and making it difficult to walk.
If she had been awake, she would have realised the rain was her mother's tears.
/fin
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