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 Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 6:55 am
Well, I'm bi, and for now I have a boyfriend. He's bi as well.
Now here comes the dilemma: Threesomes and the like. He thinks its allright if I bring another girl, which I've actually done once. But when I suggest that he can bring another guy, he gets so jealous!
I just don't think its fair that he thinks its okay with the girl-boy-girl threesome and not the boy-girl-boy threesome. After all, he is bi! He has had sex with guys before.. so I'm just wondering.. is it just jealousy or what?
any opinions?
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:41 am
Interesting topic..
What I know about my own experience, is that when I was with Martin (both being bi at the time), I never minded him looking at guys, but when it came to girls, I got jealous..
It's .. Hmm.. Difficult to explain
To me it makes sense to an extend, so I'll try to explain..
Okay, here's the thing..
You're his guy, his man, his lover
So.. gender-wise, he wants to be your ONLY guy..
With girls it's different..
Oh damn this is difficult to explain... It's got to do with the genders, I'm sure of that.. It's the feeling of missing something yourself if you bring another guy.. I think it's physical too
You know what, I'll just stop because I have no idea how to explain this.... *I'm sorry..*
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 3:46 pm
is he REALLY bi? Mabye he's not... that's the first thing that comes to my head...
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 6:45 pm
Well, this is hardly my field of expertise but...
I know a few couples with one or more bi partner and most of them seem to have similar situations. Ive noticed that most of my friends with bisexual girls dont really take their interests in other women very seriously but become very defensive when another guy comes around. Perhaps your boyfriend just feels somewhat threatened by the idea of you liking another man, especially if he thinks he may be "better" than him in some way.
On my end, my ex was bi and I got jealous no matter which gender he was looking at. sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 9:37 pm
[mongrel] Well, this is hardly my field of expertise but... I know a few couples with one or more bi partner and most of them seem to have similar situations. Ive noticed that most of my friends with bisexual girls dont really take their interests in other women very seriously but become very defensive when another guy comes around. Perhaps your boyfriend just feels somewhat threatened by the idea of you liking another man, especially if he thinks he may be "better" than him in some way. On my end, my ex was bi and I got jealous no matter which gender he was looking at. sweatdrop
You put it so much better in words than I did..
^^;
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 11:19 pm
Dark Eagle Babe
You put it so much better in words than I did..
^^;
Its the advantage of being a third party, I guess. ^^;
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 3:20 am
hmm, that may be true.. I don't like the thought of him liking another girl either... but still...in my mind its an issue of trust. I'm kinda paranoid, so I've twisted it to be like this: if I can trust him enough to bring another girl, why doesn't he trust me enough to bring another guy? its just sex, I don't look at it as such a biggie! And if I bring another girl, why shouldn't he bring a boy once? Its no different! If I can tolerate bringing one of his opposite sex, why can't he do the same to me.. it doesn't seem fair to me, and that really bugs me, 'cause the relationship we have is strong like hell...he shouldn't be scared of loosing me, 'cause unless he does something stupid, he never will...
I've had bad experiences with trusting people that don't trust me as much, so it kinda scares me when I begin thinking like that...
and he really is bi, just for the record.
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 7:34 am
I see this in a lot of people: "It's just sex"
You see, sex is really emotional and really personal. The way some people (including me, unfortunately) think, is that sex and love can't be without the other. If I were to have sex with someone right now, I'd want to be with him. Even if he thought it was just for the sex, even if we'd have agreed that it was just for the sex. I'd feel as if were some sort of bond between us, because we shared something so personal. But that's just people like me.
And yes, I can understand that you feel this is something of trust. I'm not flaming, just speaking my mind. If the relationship is so strong, why do you need other people there as well, for sex? *I'm ignorant of the whole situation, so I'm sorry if I got it wrong*
I also agree with you on it being "no different". This is true, but it might feel different to him. If he's scared of losing you, it means he really cares about you and would do anything for you, just not some things. Also he might be expecting your understanding for something he doesn't feel alright with.
All of these are just thoughts, however, some with more experience than others. I hope I helped.
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 8:11 am
yeah, thanks smile I'm kinda... kinky... if you wanna call me anything, and I like trying new things. so does he! so, it mostly for the thrill, the fun, the adrenalin.
argh, I don't think I'll be able to figure this out, but still. Thank you very much people rolleyes
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 9:30 am
Here's my two cents on the idea: First of all sex is never impersonal. It is ALWAYS a very intimate way of expressing your love to your partner. However, unlike common belief today, sex is not required for love. You might call it a perk, but that is all it realy is in any true relationship. Both my fiance and me understand that we don't have to have sex to love each other, and neither of us thinks anything of it if the other is "not in the mood." Thit should be the nature of any relationship anyways. Why do you think they call it "making love?"
As far as orgies go, they can be fun (I know from my early teens) but they almost always lead to complications. Realy I don't know where values has gone these days, I know I'm not realy one to talk but..., but we need to understand that there will come a time when we have to choose between the sex of our partner and our happyness or living a totaly unhappy life in total ambiguity. Personaly, I'm bi, but it doesn't realy matter. I've chosen to get married, and that's that. The thing about my relationship is that Missy understands that I'm bi, and accepts it. Often we'll point out hot guys to each other, but we both know that we have nothing to worry about the other because we are compleatly dedicated to each other.
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 9:57 am
Suoh Here's my two cents on the idea: First of all sex is never impersonal. It is ALWAYS a very intimate way of expressing your love to your partner. However, unlike common belief today, sex is not required for love. You might call it a perk, but that is all it realy is in any true relationship. Both my fiance and me understand that we don't have to have sex to love each other, and neither of us thinks anything of it if the other is "not in the mood." Thit should be the nature of any relationship anyways. Why do you think they call it "making love?" As far as orgies go, they can be fun (I know from my early teens) but they almost always lead to complications. Realy I don't know where values has gone these days, I know I'm not realy one to talk but..., but we need to understand that there will come a time when we have to choose between the sex of our partner and our happyness or living a totaly unhappy life in total ambiguity. Personaly, I'm bi, but it doesn't realy matter. I've chosen to get married, and that's that. The thing about my relationship is that Missy understands that I'm bi, and accepts it. Often we'll point out hot guys to each other, but we both know that we have nothing to worry about the other because we are compleatly dedicated to each other. You're a lovely person, and it makes me happy to hear that you're so dedicated to each other.. *something I missed before* heh
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 12:14 pm
yeah, well.. DONE! argh.. I've figured it out on my own! you all make me feel like some slut or something! jeez!
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:40 pm
Caralinah yeah, well.. DONE! argh.. I've figured it out on my own! you all make me feel like some slut or something! jeez! Sorry, that wasn't my goal. Just think about your actions, and act accordingly sweatdrop
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