Welcome to Gaia! ::

*PLEASE NOTE: I'm not making fun of anyone's religion. The name of the church is based off of LDS, but I'm not hating on you guys, kay?*

Gold Beach, Gaia- There isn't a single Gaian who hasn't heard of the Landshark's wrath. In a recent poll, 75% of zOMGers who have visited Gold Beach admit to being raped by said Landshark.

"I've killed him a couple times, man he drops good loot," says an anonymous CL 10, "I will admit he's killed me a lot though."

"He's raped me a few times, and it gets annoying after a while," tells a CL 6.5, "I'm just farming with my crew and WHAM! I'm dead. It interrupts my schedule, you know?"

"LOL DON8PLZ!11!!!," a CL 1.5 who somehow managed to get all the way up here yelled at me. In an unfortunate accident this same n00b was pushed into the firepit at Gold Beach where we were conducting interviews just a few minutes later.

These are rather common statements revolving around Sharky, but recently a growing group of Gaians has something new to say.

"Landshark is God, literally you see. He's come to use his power of rape to bring us salvation."

If you thought the True Believers were out there, just wait until you meet this group.

"We call ourselves The Church of the Landshark's Disciples of zOMG! or LDZ Church for short," says a seemingly normal looking Gaian girl who would like to simply be referred to as 'Angel'. "We believe that Landshark, the all-powerful, created this world, and has now returned to save us from the Animated."

"But," I asked, "If he is here to save everyone like you say, why does he rape?"

The girl snorted at my remark and rolled her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "We believe he rapes us so we will become stronger so we can defend ourselves. We won't defend ourselves if we all just sit around doing nothing!"

Deciding not to question her strange logic further, we moved onto a lighter subject; information on the church members.

"There are about 500 of us and growing," Angel says, "We get new members every day. Would you like to join?"

"Er... no thanks. So... um... what kind of church activities do you have?"

"Well, we meet every night at the fire pit to read passages from the Book of the Landshark, and on weekends we trigger his greatness so that we may be raped to become stronger."

When asked for thoughts on how their group was being compared to the True Believers, Angel was very offended.

"Those NUTJOBS?!?! How could anyone compare our form of salvation to theirs?! They camp out in that god forsaken meadow all hours of the day and night, worshipping the zurg with those stupid tin foil hats and they are nothing but a bunch of sci-fi obsessed freaks with no base in reality! Anyone who ever compares us to that @#$%^& cult again can @#$%^& go to @#$%^& hell! The Landshark shall rain down upon your souls and @#$%^&ing rape you! And not in the good way!"

With this, my interview ended due to Angel's rage levels becoming increasingly high, and the fact that she scared beachgoers so much with her screaming that the Regulars threatened to have us "escorted out".

Researching on my own, I have discovered the Landshark craze is getting larger each day just as Angel said; the LDZ Church now has more followers than the Chuck Norris Church.

Truth be told, whether or not the Landshark is a god is up to each individual Gaian. Whether he is worshipped, battled, feared, or avoided all together. However, remember one thing: There are only two types of people in this world. Those who have been raped by the Landshark, and those who will be raped in the near future.

This is Mia reporting from Gold Beach... and I have no idea what the heck I'm talking about. Good night and drive safely!

His House ish under the Null Chamber.