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 Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2009 10:55 am
Typically they all start the same...sometimes a bit different but I notice the theme is always the same. I remember them vividly so I shall describe them as best as I possibly can.
Slowly my eyes flutter open as I look around. I can see that I am in my apartment in Philadelphia as always. The blank walls I have long grown used to. I slowly rub my eyes...only to check my cell phone and read two missed calls. So as always I check the missed calls and listen to the messages. Only this is what I hear:
"Hello...I would regret to inform you that your parents died in a car wreck. We are sorry for your loss and a funeral shall be arranged as soon as you call us back."
Second message:
"Hello...we regret to inform you that your oath brother committed suicide while in prison..."
I drop the phone in shock and try to wake myself up...knowing it was a nightmare...but can not waken.
I feel numb and cold as I go to the funeral of my parents and gaze upon the dead and lifeless corpses that were once my parents. I can feel my family around me, laying there hands on me out of pity. I can feel the saddened gazes of my family as I stare there blankly.
Now it is from here where it begins to really differentiate. Sometimes it is worse then others and I am not able to determine what some of these could mean...
I look at my family and simply shake my head as I walk out to be alone. Of course they allow it, after all I just lost my parents and oath brother in the same day. I walk to look out over the streets as people continue on with their lives. My heart feels empty and all I can feel is pain as I numbly look at my hands after rubbing m face to see that they are wet with tears. However, as I look behind me I see part of my family begin to leave ready to depart for the funeral...only I gasp at what happens next. I watch in shock as a tractor-trailer collides into the side of the hearse and it explodes in flames.
I fall to my knees as I watch the flames...not only did my parents die but...now they would not even be able to have a grave. It is then my cell phone rings and I pick it up numbly, "Hello?" My voice is cold and dead and emotionless...
I hear, "This is the fire department...your parents home...caught on fire. We are sorry...nothing is left."
I hang up numbly wrapping my arms around my body and scream angrily, "D*** you, D*** you to Hell!" I rise angrily, fire in my eyes, how dare God take everything away from me?! I walk away angrily, I had nothing to lose now as each step makes my cold dead eyes seem alight with a dark anger. My body starts to shake as I feel a dark laughter echoing out of my mouth. I continue my walk...
That is where that one normally ends...and the other common version is this:
I look at the dead bodies and sigh, 'They are in a better place...they would not want me to mourn over them forever'. I nod and watch as the burial happens normally and uninterrupted. I drive back to the trailer and gather there belongings and head back to college. When I get back I find out that because the apartment was 'dirty' in my absence I must immediately move. It is then I realize I had no money, no job, nothing...
I look around sadly as I ask for help, someone to help me with any solution...only to be turned away. I call my friends...hoping that they may help me, after all I had helped them all when they needed it...
I hear the phone ring and my friend answer it...I can hear my voice explain the situation...only to get, "Sorry, but I am busy and have more important things to do." No matter what person I call...the same response. I look down sadly feeling my heart shatter. My voice was cold and dead as my once kind crystal blue eyes look up to reveal glacial orbs of ice. My voice is completely dead as I say, "Born alone...live alone...die alone. I guess it is true...monsters...never can have love...never can have friends." I clench my fist softly as I continue on talking to myself, "Betrayal...pain...sadness...anger. These are the things that I know..." My eyes look up into the sky as I grab a knife nearby and say softly, "Pain...will make me feel alive!" I begin to cut as more and more blood drips from my body and I say, "No...I need more pain...it is my fault they are dead! If I had never existed this never would have happened! I will rectify that mistake now..." It ends there as I kill myself and see my own funeral only to see nothing there...the body was cremated and none cared.
Those are the two versions of my most common Nightmares...I can guess what they mean but anyone else have any ideas?
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Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2009 3:30 pm
  Damn. Well, I’m not sure if what I’m about to tell you has anything to do with how you are in reality, but it does apply to the subconscious version of yourself.
Now, I'm pretty sure you know what the dreams mean, but it sounds to me like you have an anxiety of abandonment and loneliness. The scenario also shows me that you’re a selfless person, always making sacrifices for people. You often take the blame for things you have no control of or the mistakes of those around you, convincing yourself the wrongs are your own. You’ve created a self loathing portrayal of how you see yourself in a way, but you have to realize that sometimes things just happen. Things that no one has any control of, that are not anyone’s fault. You think that you're alone, but in truth you’re not. People are kind, caring, and forgiving. You’re not a monster, you’re a person. There is room for healing in loss.
Eh, just my take on things. See ya round. :] 
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Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:06 pm
O.O...Wow. That...is what I was thinking to...I have been having these nightmares since I was 12 and that was 7 years ago. Strangely enough how you described me is how my oath brother describes me...hm and I have a lot of other nightmares and dreams...wonder if they all have meanings...
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Posted: Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:18 am
I'm sure they do in some way. Dreams can either have a very strong meaningful purpose, such as your subconscious trying to tell yourself something, or they can be just things you dream out of fun or influence [like a movie or book, ect.]
But I'm pretty sure since yours are this potent and reoccurring, they have some sort of meaning.
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Posted: Sat Jan 10, 2009 10:01 am
That would make sense, most of my dreams have been nightmares. Actual good dreams are extremely rare for me. Because of how often I had nightmares especially these ones...I just stopped sleeping. Often I will go days without sleep. Now they have been getting worse though...now they happen while I am awake and day dreaming and even when I am not daydreaming.
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Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2009 5:32 pm
Perhaps you should come to terms with whatever is causing them to occur, as well as learn to face what is happening in your dreams, if at all possible. Some people are lucid dreamers, and while I am not one of them, I know what it‘s like to have no control over what goes on as far as plot, per se. But even so, try to stand up to the trouble in your subconscious and defeat what happens to be haunting you. You have control over how you overcome your fears. Fight them. Don‘t allow your ghosts to consume and control you. After all, these dreams are just apart your mind. If you learn how to be rid of them, then they wont ever come back.
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 1:50 am
Thanks for the advice...it does help alot. Also I have noticed this which has founded my fears stronger...everyone I care about has typically betrayed me in some way when I needed help. So it is hard for me to get over it but I am trying.
I have other nightmares that are major and different....but...I don't know if it would be good for me to get them out into the open...
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