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 Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 7:58 am
Long ago, when he had been a mere child his mother had brought home a foal. At first he had regarded her with suspicion, discontented that his family was growing and placing yet further responsibilities on his tiny shoulders. However, as the years passed by the heir to Islagiatt's northern most territory warmed to this new charge and a friendship was born. He was a soquili who thrived in silence, when permitted to meditate and take part in his predictable daily routine he was content. Chatter gave him a headache and yet he had craved company - it was simply meant to be, their friendship... She had always been so quiet and unassuming that he had been content in her company and had never wanted anymore than to know that she was just a few hoofsteps nearby.
Nevertheless, no sooner had this friendship developed than Ambroise had been required to take part in his trials. He was ready of course, determined to prove himself capable of guiding the herd into a new age. She had waved him off, offered words of encouragement and it was with such well wishes that he had disappeared beyond the mists to confront Kiyoshi. Alas, while he managed to strike down Kiyoshi with the aid of his father and a herd mate - the wounds that had been inflicted upon him had caused quite a few issues...for a start he had suffered from amnesia.
In years gone by he had considered taking his friend as his 'bride' so to speak, yet when he returned he was greeted with news that she has found her Prince Charming. His mother had been ecstatic of course, but Ambroise had always been wary of the intentions of males and as such, regarded this unseen 'prince' with suspicion. Perhaps it was with a little jealous that he glowered in the direction of this unknown being - hardly the most mature of ways to deal with an issue but his friend was being taken from him. What made matters worse was that she had been his only friend.
...He was right to be wary.
Alas, it had been with a begrudging sigh that he had agreed to meet with this so-called Prince. Delaying his patrols for the time being he had descended from the peaks to glide seamlessly towards the mare whose pelt was easy to see upon the slopes when they had been rendered completely white from snow. Her warm smile ever present on her lips, he wasn't surprised to see the typically amiable expression on her face when he landed either.
"Ambroise!" She chimed with suitable enthusiasm as she bustled towards him and gave a gentle nuzzle. "I thought you wouldn't come," she confessed softly, her expression sheepish for she was well aware of Ambroise's lack of affection of anything even remotely social.
"Well, I have to make sure he is suitable - do I not?" he enquired coolly, furling his wings close to his side as he glanced ahead of him towards the cave that she had taken refuge in. Why did it not instill him with a great deal of confidence (or good humour) that she already happened to be sharing a cave with this male!
"Oh well, that's true..." she mused and then with a giggle began to move towards the caves again. She'd chosen them so that her companion could remain warm in the worst of the weather, it was hardly fair of her to ask him to climb higher than he already had without a decent winter coat anyway. "But I think you'll like him," she pointed out with renewed confidence as she drew nearer the entrance.
"We'll see..." Ambroise murmured, though his words were scarcely audible.
"Huojin! I have someone for you to meet!" She chimed, having been too far from him to have catched such whispers.
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Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 8:38 am
Time didn't exist for Huojin anymore. He didn't need it, nor did he really want it. For as long as he could remember he and Farsiris had been comfortable and cozy in the realm of their cave. Winter came at them fast, and with each other's company they found no reason to try and move somewhere else. He remembered coming to see Farsiris when the leaves were still falling, and confessing how he truly felt towards such a perfect being. And, ever since the two of them created a deeper relationship, Huojin had been living as peacefully as he ever imagined. Life couldn't be better and it was his greatest hope and desire that Farsiris felt the same way as he did.
Huojin had been totally fine with Farsiris' request to bring a friend to meet him. If anything, he was excited to meet someone so important to Farsiris! It also didn't bother him once so ever that he was a male friend. Competition didn't really exist for him anymore, since he felt confident with he and Farsiris' current relationship. Old and similar thoughts that used to plague at his mind were long gone thanks to the sheer happiness he had found. So, when he heard her yell his name, he also walked towards the opening of the cave so he could meet them halfway. He could see Farsiris' figure coming towards him, and shortly after he could see the colorful stallion that followed. Ah, so this was the fellow? He hoped he could leave a good impression at least!
"Hello hello!" he then said, while smiling at the both of them as they all met up. In the past, Huojin would have been nervous to meet someone so openly like this. But with his new life he himself was always changing for the better. And his confidence was real this time, and he could feel himself emitting positive feelings rather then the negatives that used to remain. "Farsiris has told me so much about her family that it really is an honor to finally meet you." he smiled lovingly towards Farsiris before bringing his eyes back on the male. "I am Huojin, thank you so much for coming!" Huojin was finally becoming a stallion that could be relied on, and in a sense he was probably growing up!
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Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 9:47 am
Oh sweet merciful gods, he wasn't one of those stallions was he? He had an air about him that indicated he was suitably louder than Farsiris and Ambroise couldn't help but remain silent as he was introduced. If one could imagine the most elusive and stoic father then that would have been Ambroise, save for the fact that he was of a similar age to Farsiris and was most definitely not her father. Instead he had adopted the role of overprotective 'brother' and as such - still had his feathers rather ruffled at the idea that they'd been sharing a cave for so many months.
...Huojin better not have done something bad - if he had then Ambroise would be prompt in his actions and make it impossible for him to do it again! Unsurprisingly, the orange stallion was quick to draw himself to his full height and gave Huojin an almost scathing look as he assessed him. His winter coat was thin, indicating he was from the lowlands... His muscles left much to be desired (again a lowland thing) and then there was his exhuberant voice and overly familiar manner.
Oh gods, he was a rake wasn't he?
Ambroise's expression clouded briefly and he ruffled his wings against his sides. His lips remained pursed and the silence almost became unbearable until the mare gave a squeak. Her worried expression alone was enough to make him crumble and with a grunt he opted to 'behave' - though his eyes remained ever critical of the stallion in question.
"Ambroise," he introduced himself abruptly and shook his head. "And I am sure she has spoken with great fondness and consideration towards her family, though some of the pictures may be some what...inaccurate," he glanced at Farsiris and smiled. She'd always been one to make things a little prettier or less painful, part of the reason she'd never liked competitions.
"Needless to say, you are news to my ears..."
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Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 10:03 am
If there was ONE thing Huojin could handle, it was someone not wanting him to be there. His entire childhood had consisted of his mother using the same tactics that this stallion was showing right now. Obviously the stallion was acting much milder then his own mother, but it was a horrible way for Huojin to remember the family he unfortunately had. His mother would ignore him and barely talk, glare and only snarl, and condemn and ridicule him whenever she had the chance. It was a pity that someone so close to Farsiris seemed so utterly unimpressed with him. It was like smack from the past all over again! Ambroise and his mother could be best friends forever.
The air around the three horses had changed dramatically, but Huojin was hardly distressed. Everyday he had lived with this air. And if for a short meeting this stallion wanted to disrupt he and Farsiris' pleasant and happy air, then he would allow it. Only because he knew how important this meeting was for Farsiris. "Still, it is a pleasure to finally meet someone who has watched Farsiris grow. She has always explained these mountains with such detail that I was excited to meet another who has shared them with her."
At the stallion's last comment, Huojin flicked his own ears but kept his face pleasant and warm. "I can only hope that the news wasn't bad." he then looked to Farsiris, and as usual felt better. "But if it was, hopefully I can change that somehow by meeting you." The words were spoken truthfully and calmly. And if Ambroise seriously hated him no matter what, then Huojin wouldn't really care. If he were to experience someone else who couldn't put up with his existence, he'd be able to deal with it all over again!
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Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 1:08 pm
It was unlikely that Ambroise would ever be inclined to be Huojin's mothers closest friend anytime soon. His cold demeanour had merely been brought on by the idea that those he had been so close to were moving on and he was still caught up in the past. Already both of his younger brothers had sired children and had budding relationships - what made matters worse was that his other siblings had went out to explore the world leaving him once again as the soul remaining child. The news that his best, closest and only friend was now set to take her leave as well was a bit of the kick to teeth. It wasn't that he didn't want to stop her from being happy but he did resent that such things were turning into a habit.
Shifting his weight, the stallion continued to listen as Huojin spoke and merely rose a brow at his numerous attempts to lighten the mood. Throughout the course of the albeit short conversation, Ambroise had been observing both. He had been subtle about it having mastered such things from his father, but he had been gauging their relationship from the moment Huojin had come to greet him. Inappropriate as the male may have been to these climates, he was still here and hadn't expected Farsiris to move. More to the point, his body language and the manner in which he watched her... Needless to say, Ambroise's lips pursed and his own form stiffened in begrudging acceptance of the signs that lay before him.
...Besides, he should really have trusted his friend in the first place.
"Oh, Farsiris...why in the name of goodness did you choose a Lowland soquili?" He whistled through his teeth as his expression softened and he glanced between the couple. Ambroise had been renowned for his lack of respect towards the lowland soquili and their lifestyles. He'd dealt with them in enough drama to develop a distaste but for some reason it seemed many of his herd had taken a liking to those that existed there, but alas...such was the way of things.
"Because he took care of me," Farsiris announced firmly and gave a gentle nod, tilting her head to the side as she recognised the softening body language. He would still be stoic and stiff in comparison to others, but his jaw no longer seemed to be quite so tight. "He made sure I was safe and I never even asked...he just did it."
"Why?" he enquired as he directed his query to Huojin, pale eyes fixed on the male before him.
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Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 2:39 pm
Well, this was odd. Of all things to pinpoint out of Huojin, Ambroise chose to question where he was from. Huojin would be the first to admit to all of his flaws, but then again, he was constantly fixing them so he could be a better stallion for Farsiris. But nothing could be said for where he was from. That wasn't his choice, but whatever. He didn't know mountains existed before meeting Farsiris. For many moments he watched the interaction between the two of them before finally being addressed. The question was rather abrupt, but Huojin was ready for it. How could it be hard to answer something so easy?
"Because I love her." Huojin then handsomely shrugged, and looked only at the stallion now. His eyes were more piercing then before, and they were focused and on target. "I've loved her since our first meeting. I spent the whole day with her, showed her as much as I could about the low lands, learned everything I could about her family and about you all and the mountains, told her of my ridiculous family and what I was dealing with... And then she left. I wasn't ok with not seeing her again. We said we'd meet up but I knew that never works out. So I had to change that." he brought his eyes on Farsiris now, and remembered why he changed everything so much.
"Yes, I know my body isn't fit for this place. I can understand how that makes me look weak. But I refused to give up, and not before long Farsiris found me just a bit away from this cave. And the rest is history. I'm here now and still in love." His story may not have been what the stallion fancied, but it was the truth. Huojin thought it polite to tell the circumstances as they were so that all could be brought into the open for someone so important to Farsiris.
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Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 3:12 pm
It was strange how things worked out and the stallion rolled his shoulders as Huojin addressed him. He hadn't needed quite so much information and yet the individual in question deemed it fit to inform him of such things. A ruffle of his wings and he was lulled into silence once more as the other stallion finished is decidedly passionate speech. In a manner of speaking the whole approach had been somewhat childish but he wouldn't have been Ambroise if he hadn't been picky about at least one thing. Evidently, there was something decent in the lowlands even if it took sheer luck to find them - built for this terrain or not, Ambroise could at the very least admit that Huojin had made the effort instead of laying all expectations upon Farsiris.
More to the point, Huojin had even chosen to stay in their midst rather than request that he go home. His coat as of yet, hadn't thickened enough or adapted to the climates but he endured the weather and humoured Farsiris willingly. By the look on her face it seemed as though he did it without complaint or any indication of discomfort either. Admirable, if Ambroise didn't say so himself and a quality that very few now possessed. So the lowlands were a point against him but his decency towards Farsiris was certainly in his favour - needless to say she was far from distressed and more than comfortable in his company.
Everybody was moving on except him, it seemed.
"Love at first sight, how very quaint..." He'd always been scepticle about it. A practical and logical stallion, such things were somewhat barren and empty on the surface of things. Then again, he didn't confess to being a genius and nor did he intend to be all knowing. "And you may still be in love but I suspect that you must be incredibly cold," Ambroise observed after a few moments, glancing towards Farsiris warningly to ensure she hushed until he was finished his 'interrogation' - though her eyes had widened through worry at his declaration.
"You would put yourself through all this for the sake of her, why not just ask her to move to more desirable climates?"
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Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 8:28 pm
Huojin came into this 'meeting' with good spirits. And, even while being interrogated he found himself remaining rather content considering the circumstances of this question/answer prospect. But, unfortunately Huojin was sensing that whatever he'd bring out into the open Ambroise would not tolerate. The male had some kind of context or history behind him and it was not Huojin's place to ask why he was even being questioned. So, instead he decided to just continue on as best as he could and hope that he couldn't make the situation worse for himself. That in itself would be a challenge!
"I've been adapting just fine." he then said, while enjoying the judgments and whatnot. "And I could never imagine asking her to leave here. This is where her family is, and I'd never want to take that away from her." In Farsiris' case she was lucky that Huojin and his family rarely met on occasion. And, if needed he'd travel downward and do the necessary deeds to see his brother. But for now he had nothing to worry about. "Like I've said, I'm happy to live and eat wherever she finds comfort. As 'delicate' as I may look, I've come to survive in all sorts of conditions. And if I have her with me, I'll have all the strength I need to make it through anything."
With a light head bob, he was glad to continue to answer as confidently and openly as he could! For his own tastes, he wasn't getting used to this strict Ambroise- question, Huojin-answer system. Shouldn't he be allowed to ask anything? But then again, what COULD Huojin ask in this situation? When he considered that fact, he decided to remain quiet and keep his mind somewhere collected for the time being.
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Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 4:08 pm
This was all becoming a little to cliche for the stallion and as an individual who was not inclined towards 'romance' with such passion and interest as others, he was finding it a little hard to stomach. Love at first sight had always seemed impractical to him, as had enduring great discomfort when there was a simple solution. However, as his brothers breached out into the world and found lovers of their own he was beginning to realise that love was complex and was not designed to be rationalised. As ridiculous as Huojin's declarations may have been, as soppy as they might have sounded - they seemed completely and utterly genuine. It was both an irritation and a comfort to have come to such a realisation.
In a manner of speaking Huojin very much resembled his brothers. They were prepared to go to such great lengths on behalf of the mare's they had fallen for. He couldn't quite understand what this would prove, nor did he find these grand gestures very impressive himself...but this seemed to be normal behaviour to everyone except him. Needless to say as this meeting continued he was slowly coming to the conclusion that while the responses were ridiculous they were said with honesty and indicated a surprising level of respect.
For a mare who had only entered the lowlands once, she had certainly reeled in an interesting catch.
"I see," was about the only response he could mustre as he glanced towards his friend. Having watched the exchange between the two she was becoming increasingly anxious and it showed. Etched across her features, down to the occasional shuffle of her hooves, it was clear that she was more than a little worried at the tension that existed between the pair of stallions. "Far...if he hurts you," the winged stallion began, fixing the mare with a very pointed look.
"I know where I can run to - but he won't hurt me Ambroise," she smiled softly and glanced towards her companion affectionately. He'd performed admirably in the face of one of the most notorious and antisocial stallions of her herd. Remaiend tall, held his composure and had answered with clarity despite what critical eyes might have been upon him.
"...You do know I will kill you if you so much as scratch her heart, right?" He enquried towards Huojin darkly.
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Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 7:44 pm
Huojin could only grin at Ambroise's statement. He was waiting for this moment. He expected that the other stallion would set standards as high as this. And that was good. He was impressed now from the other's commitment to Farsiris. That showed him that he could trust him and rely on him to always ensure her safety! "I'll tell you this right now in honesty. I find that punishment fitting. If I were to ever be that stupid then please end my life as quickly as you can." There was no way that he could ever hurt her once so ever. It wasn't possible by any means, and he made sure of that on a second to second basis. "Though, since I am still alive and treating her very well, may I kindly ask you for your blessing on this matter? And, maybe further down the road we can even develop a friendship."
When he finished speaking, he felt something wondrous happen. This confidence he had gained wasn't entirely new or unique. He could feel so much of his father inside of him now, and the patience and gentleness he carried was easily being used by Huojin. No wonder his father was able to overcome so many obstacles on his own. He had so much wisdom that Huojin was finally grasping some of it for himself and on his own. He was thankful that his father was able to pull through and be here for him in his mind, since lord knew that his mother would have ruined this situation many times over again.
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 5:55 am
Ambroise had been protecting his friend all his life and to expect his standards not to be high would have been the road to disaster! It was just as well that Huojin had developed some form of reserve and hadn't blurted out those musing, lest the situation take a turn for the worse. Instead, the tension that had once been in the air seemed to crackle and fizzle out. Ambroise lacked the same level of humour that Huojin possessed, ever the practical soquili, but he took his jest with good grace and had the ability to recognise that while his threat had been received, the stallion deemed it necessary to 'tame' it with a jest.
Ambroise would have been inclined to point out that he needed no one's permission to perform the act of murder, but even he had restraint. Thus he did nothing more than quirk a brow at the declarations and merely shook his head. Huojin was a typical stallion, just like his brothers...full of good humour and yet for some reason Ambroise still struggled to see it without at least picking holes in one or two of the sentences. He would never learn!
"Rest assured that I am not adverse to raising an acquaintance," he replied smoothly, albeit stiffly, towards the stallion's request. Ruffling his wings at his sides, he once again took the opportunity to eye the couple and had to admit that they made a striking pair. In terms of appearance, Farsiris had done well to stumble upon a stallion that matched and accented her features quite so well. Provided Huojin retained that satisfying level of respect...
"Oi," he released a sigh and with one glance towards the mare's hopeful expression he shook his head. A ghost of a fond smile fluttered onto his lips and he gave a quiet snort. "Alright, blessing granted!" He announced without any particular enthusiasm. However, what became of his announcement was decidedly different and no sooner had the words escaped his lips than Farsiris had perked up considerably.
Bopping from hoof to hoof, she was beyond delighted as she cuddled her mate and then quickly closed the gap between herself and Ambroise. A tiny kiss to his nose and she had made her gratitude known. Oooh she had known that it would be difficult and at first she'd thought that Ambroise would prove to be over protective but Huojin had done it.
"Oooh Huojin!" She announced, returning to his side with another nuzzle. "You did it, you made him happy. Not very many can do that at all, you're one of the first!" She reassured him with her usual smile while the rainbow stallion could do nothing more than look onwards...
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 10:04 am
Despite the sticky situation from just moments ago, Huojin felt his spirits lift even more when he felt Farsiris' nuzzle. Wow, so he had survived? It wasn't like he was doubting himself, but he had to admit, he was a tad worried before! "I'm glad we made it." he kept his eyes on Ambroise, wondering so much now about the mysterious stallion. Did he have a love of his own? Did he cherish someone like Huojin did everyday? Well, the stallion surely hoped so! Ambroise was a good guy- he was genuine and full of true heart. "Thank you." he then said, while bowing kindly to the other stallion. He really hoped that he could get to know him better. Huojin could tell when someone had a real heart.
"Farsiris, thank you for introducing me to your friend. I can't wait to meet the others, and I'm honored to have had this chance to meet him as well." He smiled at his mate before brushing her bangs with his nuzzle. And, knowing Ambroise, he was probably only being nice because he knew how much this meant to Farsiris. But, from a stallion to a stallion, Huojin would net let Ambroise down.
"You are welcome to hang out with us whenever you see it fit." Yeah, Huojin was sure that sounded kind of silly, but the invitation was always there for the other stallion to keep!
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 12:46 pm
Ambroise was one hundred percent single and had been this way since the day he was born. He didn't spurn love, accepted the affection provided to him by his family, but he had never required anything more than that. He didn't expect others to understand him and least of all he never expected them to try. His love was solely for the lands and he was more than happy to let it devour him completely and utterly. Or at least this was the stance until lately, when everyone had paired off and had either found a mate or gone so far as to sire children. Farsiris had been the last of his friends and family to do this and as with his brothers, seemed to be positively delighted with her current state of affairs. Needless to say, both friend and brothers were slowly but surely pushing him to listen to his mother's musings on a subconcious level.
Loving the land, living by ones duty was all well and good but that didn't mean you didn't need someone to come home to at night. His mother had always worried and wished for him to find a mate, yet his abrasive personality was a turn off for many (if not all) that ultimately led to mares avoiding him like the plague. For all intents and purposes he had come to the conclusion that in order to 'mate', Ambroise would need to find a mare who sought out a companion as well. It would not be a union out of love so much as a meeting of minds... Ambroise was not prepared to admit that he had met a mare that was pleasing to him in many respects, but the more 'unions' he was required to give his blessing to, the greater he felt the tug towards seriously considering a proposition.
Eh, but the Soquili knew when he was a third wheel and with a soft snort he gave the pair a nod. He accepted the thanks as was expected and with that, dismissed himself without further word. He didn't need to remain in their presence and had further business to attend to anyway. He supposed at the very least he could be content in the knowledge that she was there if he really need company!
"I promise that the others aren't as critical as he can be," she murmured gently as her friend disappeared into the sky again. Now that her oldest friend had parted ways she needn't be so anxious and could afford to turn her full attention on to Huojin again. "But he was my only friend growing up," she explained softly, smiling up at the stallion as he brushed her hair from her eyes. "He's always taken things too seriously but I didn't mean to make it that difficult, so I'm sorry!" Popping her lips, the mare mulled over the encounter and then shook her head.
"If it helps, I think he likes you?"
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Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:01 am
When the stallion left their presence, Huojin grumbled a bit since there were so many thoughts to be left in his own mind. Ambroise didn't say nearly enough about himself so that Huojin could know him. Perhaps he should have been thankful enough to receive his name. That way he could at least address the other stallion personally if he ever saw him again. Though, it was still a bother to see him fly off so quickly... Probably because Huojin became more confident as the conversation went on.
Luckily for him, Ambroise may have left but a lovely mare was still standing beside him. "You don't have to say sorry." he then said, while focusing his mind back on Farsiris. "If he was an important friend, then such a meeting was mandatory. And it pleases me to hear that he took such good care of you throughout your childhood and now." He obviously had the ability to be strong like that. Farsiris was lucky to have a tight niche of friends like she did! "All that matters is that we got his approval." Huojin was relieved again even as the words came out, and he fixed Farsiris' flower that lay comfortably on her neck.
"And you know, I think I liked him too. Even if he seemed hard on me, I think he was plenty lenient." Huojin liked a bit of controversy here and there. And from the beginning of the group's meeting, Huojin expected the worst to come out of everything. But now he could sit back, relax, and have the best time he could just like everyday with Farsiris. Ambroise hadn't disturbed anything in their life- if anything, he made it all sink deeper into Huojin's heart. "You know, once it gets nicer we are welcome to move anywhere you wish. I don't want to keep you so far off from your family and friends."
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Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2009 8:46 am
"He was my only friend," she corrected gently, smiling proudly as the stallion took the opportunity to flatter her and Ambroise. Her friend could certainly be difficult and there were few outside the family who could handle him, to think that Huojin had done so well in an encounter without prior warning instilled her with far more pride than was suitable for someone as modest as she was. She really had been blessed to a far greater extent than she realised... When the spirits had introduced her to Huojin she hadn't realised just how special he would be and yet every day he revealed another new secret to her, a new quirk that unveiled that he was a far greater treasure than she could even begin to imagine. She was spoiled, and sometimes questioned whether or not she deserved someone who was quite so patient and willing to try his best for her no matter what she threw at him and how difficult that task might be.
"He was a little hard though," she agreed after a few moments and gave a giggle. "But you were so very polite and willing to answer his questions that I doubt he could stay mad for long!" She pointed out wisely. Sure enough, Huojin had stood against the queries and had answered them all honestly. Some of his questions had caused her worry though, particularly the one regarding how Huojin had chosen to live here. She loved her family dearly but she wouldn't be content to see Huojin unhappy or homesick when it could be avoided. It had been playing on her mind since it had been mentioned and while Huojin may have given his assurances it still didn't cause her as much comfort as she could have liked.
However when he chose to mention that he would be happy to move again her eyes widened in surprise and she quickly shook her head at the idea. He'd already done so much for her and if anything, she would have been happy to move a little further down the slopes so that he had access to home if he needed it. "Oh - Oh no!" she shook her head again, this time with much more emphasis and nudged him lightly. "You don't have to worry about the distance," she reassured him gently, her head tilting to the side.
"If anything I was going to ask if you wanted to move a little further down so that you could reach the lowlands easier, you've already done so much for me and I'm happy to follow you no matter where you go..." she took a beath, the smile developing on her lips as she grew more confident regarding her own stance on the issue. "Even if you wanted to move really far away I'd go because my family will always be in my heart but at the same time, I want the chance to start my own too... you know?"
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