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 Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 3:23 pm
He couldn't sleep. He kept having bad dreams. Dreams of Mama leaving him. Dreams of his brothers and sisters being far away. Dreams of being in a strange place where nothing and no one was familiar.
Then he woke and found that his reality was no better than his dreams and, weeping silently, he curled up tight and tried his best to understand what had happened. But he couldn't! How could he even begin to understand the meaning of death? It was a foreign and terrible thing, a concept that he did not want to grasp. And yet, it pained him deeply. And, what he needed most of all he couldn't have.
His mother.
There was this strange brother of his. A lion whose sent was familiar but not yet wholely comforting. And whilst Uddhava no way disliked him - in fact it was probably the opposite - he felt an odd sort of barrier that kept him from getting too close.
Maybe it's because Azarax suffered too.
In any case, Uddhava could not sleep, nor could he just lie there - the pain was too great. So, pulling together the last scraps of his courage he tottered towards the opening of the den and peered out across the sand - forced to squint into the sun.
What was this place?
It was unusual for Yin-li to be late, normally by the time the sun was beginning to rise and she and her siblings were awake Yin-li was there already watching them while father was out hunting for breakfast, but today they woke up to find Kadogo still there. Something had apparently happened the day before, Ursa could only guess it had something to do with all the roaring they'd heard and the two Regent's panic. While the others slept she'd slipped out on her own, headed for Yin-li and Azarax's den.
There were other adults milling about already of course, most paid her no mind. Uuo was headed for the border to patrol, grim faced... Azula, her grandmother, was off to probably hunt, she was not stopped on her path to the general and storyteller's den. Though she did have direction her mind was anywhere but focused. She didn't like it, all this change... Things had been strange, cold, and painful ever since Ozai was killed, the den had one spot less warmth, and even though he'd been a cranky little fellow he was still family, she loved him still, missed him terribly. It wasn't enough to lose Zuko and momma, but Ozai too now. She'd cried quite a bit about it already, but now she felt a sort of aching numbness, as strange as it sounded.
A flash of gold was what tore her from her thoughts, and she stared over at the much smaller golden colored cub, a bit unsure of what to say or do. Who was he and why was he coming out of Azarax's and Yin's den? They didn't have any babies, did they?
He hadn't noticed her.
The golden cub was small, even for his age. He had been the runt, the youngest of them all - not helped by his mother's physical weakness. It was surprising, really, that he had survived at all. He'd been through a lot in his first few weeks. First there was the rejection then the rough play-fights and the teasings that he'd had to endure - even if they had been done in jest.
Now...now he was in a strange land and his mother had gone someplace...someplace he could not follow. And there was so much sadness, from himself and from others. So much of it he thought he'd burst with the grief all around. He just...he just didn't know what to do with himself!
He took a small step out onto the sand, bracing himself for the heat of the sand. It was warm, but not unbearable and it was somewhat comforting. It absorbed up through his pads and up his foreleg, helping to dull the ache. He took another step and paused to rub the tears from his face, sniffing sadly.
"Mama..." He sighed. Where was she?
Ursa, though young, had a strong sense of compassion that would come to be thought of as maternal instinct as she grew older. Her heart ached as she heard Uddhava's call, and she didn't think his mother was going to answer. He must've been orphaned, maybe one of the other lionesses children, or a rogue cub that had been adopted? But he needed comfort, whoever he was, or so it seemed.
Ursa let her paws carry her forward closer over the sand, red eyes on the smaller cub, and though not quite that much older than him she spoke out with a softness beyond her years, or more suited to someone more shy than she ever was.
"It's alright..."
He started at the voice, cowering as if Ursa could have been the most ferocious lion to walk the lands. It wasn't that he was frightened of her. He was just frightened of everything. Strange lands. Strange people. Strange words that sprouted up from nowhere.
But a moment later and the tone of that voice registered.
it's alright...
He sniffed and without realising, the tears welled and overflowed down his little golden face. This one...she had dark fur. Dark like the sister he had left behind in the land called home. But she was not his sister and the realisation of that sent a pang of loneliness into his heart.
He rubbed at the tears with a paw. "I don't know where she's gone!" He blurted suddenly. "Why'd she leave me all alone?"
Ursa felt her own little heart break a bit as he began to cry more, and she wondered what one of the adults would say. Firekin were supposed to be strong, but even they had feelings and hurt from time to time, so what were you supposed to do or say then?
She stopped in front of him and sat down on her haunches, a sad expression in her eyes. "I'm sure she didn't want to... she probably did it to protect you, but if she's still in here--" Ursa reached up a paw, and assuming he didn't back away, afraid, touched the tip of her toes against his chest. "--then she'll always be with you in a way, even if you can't touch her anymore."
Maybe it was just a case of the blind leading the blind, but it was what she believed. He might be too young to understand, the thought occured to her, but she had to try to comfort him somehow, she couldn't just let him be miserable.
His face was scrunched as he tried desperately to stop the tears. He'd not had the time to learn much about the ways of Firekin, but mother and father had always mentioned being strong and tough. This wasn't being strong, was it? Then again, he'd never been strong. Maybe that's why he'd been so...shunned
He looked up into the cub's odd-coloured eyes and blinked slowly. He did not move as she moved forward. In fact he was thinking deeply about her words. Sitting up straighter, he placed a paw over his chest - where Ursa had touched a moment ago - and seemed to take heart from it.
"She...she loved me." He replied, and the words seemed a mix of unbearable pain and wonderful joy. The realisation of it finally sinking in. She'd murmured the words to him many times on their journey here but he'd been too scared and confused about what was going on. But now he could recall them, sharp and clear as ever.
"She did." He wriggled his nose to rid it of sniffles. "Thank you..." He dipped his ears and shuffled, embarrased now. "Um..."
The pain had eased - for the moment at least - but it would be back. When he closed his eyes and saw his mother's glazed eyes and heard the echoes of that big, red lion's roar. Such a sad roar.
"Sorry..." He said finally.
She was glad, he was taking it well, and in -her- humble opinion he handled it as well as she thought could be expected of their people, but she was just a cub still, maybe she was wrong but she didn't think so. A simple, quiet nod was her agreement to his statement. She was sure that his mother must, for what mother didn't love her child? Except for possibly grandmother Azula, she seemed so mean... but Ursa was sure that she had her reasons for it.
"You're welcome." She smiled a bit and stood up. "My name is Ursa, and you don't have to apologize. My mother is gone too, and two of my brothers. It's okay to feel sad about it... just remember that they'd want us to be happy, too."
He sniffed and even though the tears threatened - he did well to hold them back. Yes, Udd was a little bit of a cry baby, a bit of a pushover and his colours certainly didn't do much to show off his Firekin heritage. Though he didn't know it yet, this place would not be his home forever, and maybe that was for the best.
And now, all alone, he felt smaller and weaker than ever before. There was no Rap or Ngoma to stand up for him. No Zap to snuggle with. No mother and father to smile down on him.
Alone.
But he pushed away the sadness and forced himself to listen to this one's words. He didn't know her, but she was gentle and kindly. And...she had lost family too? Oh no...His heart gave another jolt of sadness and, without thinking, he moved forward and tucked his head under her chin - just as he would have done back in the den to mother if comfort was needed.
"Ursa." He repeated. "Sorry."
And then he realised, he realised with an incredible burst of joy that finally, after all this time, he had a name! A brilliant, beautiful name all of his own! Finally he was not just he little nameless one.
"I'm...Uddhava." And he spoke the name with thick emotion in his voice.
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Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 3:50 pm
Ursa registered the realization as it dawned over his features, but she was surprised that he made such a bold move to comfort her. She smiled a bit and brushed her chin over the top of his head in a sisterly manner. Easily the most affectionate, next to her brother Iroh, of the large brood she didn't mind the gesture at all. "It's okay, Uddhava, they're still here."
She repeated the motion of before, but this time touched her own chest with her own paw. She felt a kinship towards the golden cub, though he may not have been colored like any of them, and he may not-- for all she knew --be of Firekin blood at all, but they were both lions and he was here, so why not make the most of it?
"It's nice to meet you, Uddhava. Would you like to play with me?"
The smile was a bit brighter this time, wanting to see if she could coax one out of him in return.
And tentatively, he smiled back at her. Still here. They were still here if he remembered them. And even if it did make him sad, he'd never forget them. Ever. He would cling to their memories for the rest of his life and hope that one day they'd meet again.
Play? Play was something he had shied away from before, frightened of getting squished or hurt. He didn't like rough games! But, somehow he didn't think that Ursa really would either. So then, what did she have in mind?
"Um...maybe?" His ears lifted slightly and the tears in his eyes seemed to recede a little. "What sort of game? I'm no good at playing 'pounce' or 'chase'. Too...little." He dropped his head sadly.
"That's okay, there are plenty of other things we can play!" She was used to enteraining Iroh's company after all, and Ursa couldn't help but giggle a bit at the thought. Her brother was quite lazy when he wanted to be, so they had an abundance of easy going games they'd made up, not all physical activities, either, since between the two Iroh was easy going and Ursa had a fondness for using her imagination. "We could pick out shapes and make stories out of the clouds? Or... I could teach you how to play 'Skip-rocks'!" A lightly competitive game of luck and skill. "Or we could even play hide and seek! But... we'd have to ask Azarax and Yin-li if it's okay first if we play that one. They might get worried if we just leave."
Not unlike her own father. Oops.
His ears lifted even higher. He'd never heard of these games before. They didn't sound scary and it didn't sound like the sort of thing that he'd be bad at, either. He smiled as he rolled them all through his mind.
The word story sparked a familiar tune in his memory and with a small squeak, he crawled closer and looked up at the clouds. There weren't many today, but maybe enough?
"My...Mama...she was a storyteller. Maybe I be good like her, do you think?" He paused and cast a glance back at the den, he didn't want to go back in there yet and he certainly didn't want to ask anyone anything. That was far too scary.
"Um, how about cloud, story game?" He shifted round to her other side - further from the den entrance. "We can stay close then, right?"
"Of course! You seem like you'd make a good storyteller to me." She smiled brightly back at the cub, half circling him and taking him in as if to study him. "I want to be a storyteller too, when I grow up. I'm studying under Kaanga as her apprentice right now, so I think this game is good practice." Ursa beamed softly, encouragingly as she bounced on her front paws a bit, gesturing then. "Come on, this way, there's a spot right over by the den entrance where us and Yin-li can see the sky." It wasn't far, it was secluded, but it was right within immediate scenting range, and the sun hit that spot so it was the perfect sunbathing space, too.
He smiled, feeling better at those words of confidence. Then, with a small nod he bounced after her, no longer walking with his head low and pitiful. He had a long way to go before he wore a smile for any amount of time, or before he could feel his heart grow light. But he knew this was the beginning.
The pain would fade and though it would always be there, he'd get through it, one day at a time.
He would follow Ursa. He would watch the clouds and he would weave stories just as his mother might have when she was young.
/fin
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