”I’m sorry.”
The russet brown male lifted his head filled with hope that it might be Bella having returned. When he saw that it was only Spade he lowered his head, settling back upon his paws. He should have known that she wouldn’t have come running back to him. He had been stupid and hadn’t thought things through. Of course she was mad. He couldn’t blame her.
“For what?”
He asked not bothering to even glance at her. He was too depressed. He didn’t want that to happen. He wanted to have spent time with the pretty white female and go back to Bella when the time came. He never thought it would turn out the way it did.
“I spoiled your relationship with the lioness.”
Spade replied calmly not bothered by his utter lack of concern towards her. She had expected it, they had an agreement. She knew that the tan colored female would be more important to him than herself, she had always known. Yet it still bothered her. She didn’t understand why.
“It’s not your fault, it’s mine.”
“No. It is mine. You never wished to touch me the way you did that night, the night I conceived our puppies.” Spade replied shaking her head. It was her fault. The light, soft touches weren’t enough for her. His kind, loving words just weren’t enough for her. She craved his attention in something deeper than what he was already giving her. “I pushed you, every night I hinted until I flat out told you. If I hadn’t pushed you we wouldn’t have had children. Then she wouldn’t be upset.”
“Spades….”
“No, you will listen to what I have to say.” She growled glaring for a minute before her expression returned to its neutral state. “If it had not been for my selfishness she would still be beside you and you would be happy.” A frown flickered upon her lips as she shook her head. “I know that you love her but I can’t help but feel jealous.”
“Why?”
“Because!” She cried out emotion filling her tone and her expression twisting into a more desperate state as she fought to retain her composure. “Because I love you!” She shouted biting on her bottom lip. “I know that we had agreed that we would peacefully part ways once we found our ‘chosen one’ but I can’t help but be jealous of her.” She wanted to cry but no tears would come. “I can see how much you love her, how happy she makes you simply by being beside you! I hate it! I hate it so damned much!”
Jachai was startled and confused. This wasn’t the girl he knew, the girl destiny had led him to. What had happened? What had changed her? “Spades. I know I’ve said I love you but honestly I don’t know if I do.” He paused knowing that his words wouldn’t make her any happier. They were going to anger her even more. “I never believed in love at first sight until I came across you but I feel as though I was forced into my feelings involving you. I wasn’t in control.”
She growled frustrated as she turned away. She hated to admit it but he was right. It had felt as though they were pushed into falling for each other than actually falling in love. She had never thought about it before he brought him up. Could she really say that she loved him when she knew nothing about him?
Sure they had sweet, tender loving moments but what did they mean? Nothing. Her thoughts would always drift away from the male beside her, she would always be thinking of the future, a future that didn’t involve him.
She had enjoyed his company, the way he laughed and smiled. The warmth he provided but it didn’t have to be him.
It didn’t have to be him.
That thought made her realize everything. A gasp escaped her maw as her golden eye widened. He could have been anyone, granted it would have been harder to get her to let her guard down, but he didn’t need to be the one. Everything was falling into place. Sure there had been a connection, the only reason she had jumped into the relationship so quickly, but that was it. She didn’t really love him.
She loved the idea of him
“I’m leaving, I will let them chose who they will be staying with,” She paused to glance back at him emotion erased from her features. With her discovery she had no problem leaving him, leaving him to chase the girl he loved. “You are free to do as you wish, you always have been, I will not hold you back.”
She smiled sadly at him as she turned her head away. “I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you and for the lies I told you.” Of course at the time she didn’t know they were lies but still. “I don’t love you, I love the idea.”
With those words she started to walk away, to return to her pups and tell them the news. They wouldn’t like it but they would deal with it. It was her choice. Neither of them were at fault. It was bound to happen.
“Spade!” Jachai called scrambling to his paws, his features twisted in confusion. What had just happened? A moment ago she had been angry at him, hating him for loving someone more than her. Then saying that she didn’t love him.
“Don’t be a stranger.”
He told her when she paused and glanced back. The faint smile upon her lips made him smile in return. He should have been feeling guilty, something other than the happiness that swirled through him. But he didn’t. He was happy.
He was free.
