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 Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 11:03 pm
Hotr Name: Hotr Sex: Male Type: Obsidian D.O.B: November twenty second, 2005 Owner: Indubitably Status: On Hiatus until further notice Please do not post on Indubitably's journal unless given explicit permission by her, and ONLY her.
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 11:51 pm
 ~Floating along a concrete path - a black feather twirled in the hush of a sweet flowing breath. Amidst chaos - confusion - indifference - it's softness skipped along the cracks in the beaten cement - screaming traffic oblivious to its plight. Slipping though shadow and swirling through light, it drifted and danced. Laughing. Smiling. Whispering to me... singing a reverie of beauty and grace - smoothly silent. Wonderful. Blissful. Light.
Softness - like comfortable and carefree relationships - lovers, brothers, long-time friends... when words often complicate - truths spoken through touch and fleeting glance. When silence flows light and graceful between laughter, tears, and sighs... Cherish~
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 11:54 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 11:55 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 11:56 pm
Alright, I just keep having bad days, y'know the ones. Where nothing really goes right? Anyways, it all started when I found this ring on the ground and picked it up, then threw it away, it was bent and dented and kind of crappy anyways. So I went to reach in my pocket for a buck so I could buy a drink, and... th' ********?! There was that damned ring. I tried to get rid of it all day and I'd pretty much given up when this weird incedent happened to me. I'm not telling ANYONE about this. But I need to write it down.
... I'd decided to give the ring to my niece, she's one of those odd sorts, y'know? The packrats that collect random objects for no apparent reason. Anyways, my bike was in the shop, so I decided to catch the subway. I'm getting older, and lazier, and there is no way in hell that I'm gonna walk seven miles to Themis' house.
It was raining, but I love the rain so I didn't really care. In fact, when I stumbled out of this cafe into the wet street, I saw this homeless old man, huddled against the wall, trying to stay dry under the overhang. I'm not very charitable, but I've got a home to go to, so I gave the guy an umbrella. Mistake man, big mistake. The crazy attatched himself to my arm, his over-wide green eyes boring into mine, connecting. He smiled, showing me the black stumps of his teeth and shoved something hard into the small bit of midriff expose on my body. It hurt, and bit into my flesh, circular. I shoved the man away, and he shouted thank you's and vauge blessings as he opened my umbrella.
I lurched away from the sidewalk, my boots splashing the dirty gutter water onto my jeans as I reached down to feel my stomach only to find something there. I pried it from my skin, a bit of blood on it. A bottle cap?! Corona, huh? Can you say annoyed? Actually, I just went and got another tetnus shot because of that... Anyways...
I didn't see it coming. The car, that is. In fact, if that fat, balding cab driver hadn't tackled me to the ground, I'd probably be dead. But he did, and oh boy, I can still feel it. Those bastards driving that car didn't even slow down! So there we were, lying in the street, the rain pouring down on our bodies, his weight crushing me to the asphalt. He was panting hard, and the nametag on his shirt identified him as Bob. How creative.
"...Bob..."
"Miss, are yehz alrigh'?"
"...Get... the..."
"Get the what Miss?"
"... The... Get the... ******** off... Me!"
He looked a little flustered, then noted our postitions and stood up, reaching down and grabbing me by my leather jacket and lifting me after him. Oh gross, gross, gross, gross. He had a hard-on, and I knew why once I looked down at myself. My clothes are askew, my shirt soaked through... Ugh, I hate men. Bending, I picked my sunglasses up out of the water and flicked my hair out of my eyes before slipping them on. Bob gave me a nervous smile and shut his cab door, which I hadn't noticed parked on the corner. He must've dived out of it to save me. What a hero.
"Listen, if yehz wanna dry off, muh place is might close, Miss."
What can I say? I got in his cab and went home with him. Oh, come on! Don't look at me like that! I did want to dry off, not everything I do is dirty... So there we were, at his apartment. Small one; one bedroom, bathroom, split kitchen/living room. I'd taken a shower, and came out in my now dry jeans, and a tank-top of his, which was loose, very loose, on me. Which is the way I like my shirts anyways. He stood up when I entered the living room, where he'd been watching television on the couch. I jerked my chin at him in a greeting sort of fashion and continued to towel-dry my short, red hair as I glanced out the window. Wet, but no longer raining. Nice. He cleared his throat, and before he could say anything potentially sexual and embarassing for both of us, I cut him off.
"Hey, thanks a lot. You ever need anythin,' call me."
I scrawled my number on a stack of post-it's on his coffee table and smiled, trying to hide my small fangs, since they tended to freak the more normal people out. He held two glasses in his hands and tried to delay my exit by stepping in front of me. Would have been suave if that damn rug hadn't been there. He tripped, and grape juice flew from the glass as if it was a movie, splashing over my tanktop and jeans, staining them with purple designs.
Both of our jaws were dropped and I was the first to close it, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to control myself. My favorite jeans. I'd had them for years, back before I ever had my new family, but after my original family. My old one. I'd gotten these when I'd first joined a gang, and they were a memory of those days. Now they were ruined. What a hero.
"Goodbye, Bob."
I left quickly, and ended up walking those seven miles, trying to ignore the people laughing at my appearance. When I got to my neice's, she opened the door and smirked. I decided not to give her that damned ring. She'd like it too much, the snotty brat.
So that's what happened, and it wasn't funny. The ring's right here. In my pocket, I still can't get rid off it. Sometimes, I think it's laughing at me about the whole thing. Damn magic rings. What's worse is that I have his shirt still, it even says his name on it, and he has mine. I love that shirt! Hope I get it back.
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Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 12:04 am
... I think I'm insane.
Well, more than usually this time. I keep hearing this... Voice. No, it's more of a feeling whenever I think or do something that's not the nicest thing. It's quiet, a little nagging in the back of my head... Ellic, the newest little guy, seems to notice when it happens, and hisses a bit. Of course, that doesn't make me feel any better.
Anyways, I've completely given up on getting rid of that ring I was ranting about a while back, I tried to have Jani lose it, but that didn't work out. Besides... It's kinda... Cool. Unique, really. I've taken to wearing it, and sometimes the white rock and those bluish marks almost... Glow. Only when I'm really happy though, it's rather strange.
Ellic already dislikes being touched, because of the green sensitive patch of his skin, but he won't let me get near him with the hand I wear the ring on. What's wrong with him or... It? Only time will tell, I suppose.
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 2:24 pm
-This house holds tightly onto dust thick with memories. Tears and laughter echo over bare walls and emptied rooms... moments still alive in imaginations are wiped, relived, then packed. Life fits clumsily into boxes. Dreams, expectations, disappointments stacked high by open doors
Life moves. Sways. Grows. Like tides... Time gently releases an outgrown past and rolls out to open skies. Momentum carries forth on a wave of new direction. Fear pulls back - faith flows forward. Feel change approach - see soft transitions. Look up. Look forward. Look ahead.-
I cleaned out the attic this morning, and was shocked at all the things I found up there. Stuff from the previous owners; my cousins. I'd been sold my home by the last one alive, on his deathbed. I miss them almost as much as I miss my baby sister, Kajin. I don't know what made me come up here... Wait, no... I do.
It was... It was a voice. Something that spoke to me as I slept. Perhaps my own subconcious? I know not. What I do know, is that they have a poetic, pure soul. I am no poet, and purity is definately not my strong suit.
Still, even as I was reminded of my past, it didn't trap me as it does during my bouts of drunken grief. Rather, I feel I am ready to move on, like that aching whisper told me to.
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 2:34 pm
-Look in my eyes... I am more than I seem to be. In my eyes, hear your own voice, believe who I know you to be. Feel what I've left unsaid. My starry-eyed vision, a window past what I have seen - my witness to unspoken dreams. Looking-glass behold me; I am more than I appear to be. History sings soft from my lashes, darkness falls from my lids...
See yourself in my eyes. Look closer. See who I am when I'm with you. See what matters. See.-
Last night I chased that voice, through the light into the darkness.
I sense that it is good, pure... This voice... It loves me. But it prefers the darkness... Why? Is it because I am dark? I caught up to that shadow within the shadow, it was a light to me, a beacon, a shining figure. To escape my searching, it fled into the blinding light in the center of my heart. The white of its form blended with that brightness, but it turned to me. Didn't abandon me. Turned to me so I could see.
See those dark, aching eyes, and those wings! Those things that reflected the light so harshly. Such wings... This presence spoke again to me, the soft, honest voice heard more in my soul than in my ears as it held out a hand with a dark shape. Feather. A black feather.
I move to look close, to see myself in those eyes as instructed, but as I raise my fiery gaze, a flash of light blinds me, and I am forced from sleep. Why didn't I look? Did I not really want to see what that voice saw? Maybe I do not deserve it's love. I can't.
I Need to Know Who You Are; Voice of My Soul.
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Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 2:21 pm
Note: The dream sequence is saved on my work computer, so I have to enter those later.
I am so torn. I went on a date with someone I shouldn't have and I've found out that I'm pregnant. By my best friend... I can't... I need something. And the only thing that seems to be helping is that voice, the one that speaks to me when I sleep, when I rest, when I close my eyes.
It seems to have opinions about everything, and I've found that sometimes, it's things that I believe, deep inside. Which simply leads me to believe it IS my own subconcious. Why am I doing this to myself?
It seems to love Sjajan, one of my little girls. She started this whole thing, my new life that is, and I am so greatful to her. Through Jani, I got to start over. The toddler is fiercely intelligent, and because of that I worry. I worry so much. She's gone through a lot all ready, and she acts so brave, strong, and fun-loving. But in her gigantic brown eyes I see the opposite, and I don't want that for my child.
It knows, and it tells me that she forgives me for my failures as a parent, that she'll never stop loving me. That it'll never stop loving me.
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Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 2:39 pm
Indu grabbed her keys off the counter and headed for the door, reaching forward to turn the knob, only to quicly flip her hand palm up as something that caught the light and glinted dropped from the sky. Blinking at the ring in her hand, she gave it a lopsided grin and slipped it on.
"Almost forgot you, didn't I?"
Her voice was playfull, almost as if she expected an answer. Over the time that she'd had the ring, she'd gotten used to the way she could never seem to leave it behind, and slowly, it'd been finding stranger ways to get taken along. It was almost a game between the two.
Whistling, she slid the black ring onto her finger and opened the door, a smile still on her face. She was in a good mood now, and ready to face the world. The woman walked to the garage and entered the keypad code to open it, a thrill going through her at the sight of her motorcycle, as usual. She loved the thing. Since she'd become an author, she'd finally gotten the cash to customize her bike the way she wanted.
Straddling it, she peeled out of the driveway and down the street, coming to a stop at the corner. As she started to move again, a car whipped around the corner coming straight for her.
Indu squeezed her eyes closed, bracing for an impact that never came. She heard the squeal of the car's wheels and the loud crash as it supposedly ran into her, but when she opened her eyes, it was into the pole next to her, a crackling sheild of black energy with jagged white lines through it fading away quickly.
Her eyes wide, she stumbled off her bike, jaw dropped.
"What the ******** was that s**t?!"
A groan from the car told her the driver was still alive, and Indu forgot that sheild in the drama of calling the police and getting everything taken care of.
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Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 3:39 pm
Last night I relieved yesterday. Only... It was different. That car came toward me, but instead of closing my eyes so tightly, I opened them. I saw. In this version, my ring exploded, a blinding light coming forth, and the shards reformed into a being. A being as pale as the stone set into my ring, with cracks throughtout it's body, like shards coming together.
It was so beautiful... I had to cover my eyes, my arms coming up to shield them as the car continued coming, as if in slow motion. Obsidian wings surrounded me, and the car split in two, going on either side of my motorcycle, and coming back together behind me to hit the pole.
It saved me. I know it did.
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Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 9:19 am
-I am ready for you.
Then open your eyes-
-----
My eyelids fluttered open and I saw my angel. I knew who it was instantly, although he was stronger, larger in my dreams and mind. He'd used much of his energy to take this form and it was clear. My angel was so small! His small body is covered with what looks like whip marks, his eyes endless. I am in love.
"Hotr."
I breathed, a name that I wouldn't have been able to say the night before rolling from my tounge effortlessly. He was sitting against my alarm clock, where I'd set my ring the night before, and gave me a smile full of love. He was weak, but he was happy.
"I am rather hungry."
What do you feed an angel?
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Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 8:32 pm
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Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 8:44 pm
I now understand why Red hunches over these bindings of paper so often in the dim light of her desk light. While her machine of whirrings and clicks is of convienance, it lacks the intimacy of the ink on your fingers, the paper, and in my case, on the body. She does what she can for me, Red... She has many things weighing her soul. Indu they call her, and she is my keeper. Or am I hers? Perhaps it is the bond that keeps us, rather than any individual.
So here lies my scars. They look different in the golden light, almost soft, rather than the rough lines they are in normalcy. In day. Most bask in the sun. It is a legend of my kind. But I do not belong. I am of the night. None can see your pain when the blanket of darkness holds you.
Such is why I came to my Red in her dreams. In her conscious of sleep. Her genius. It has been strange, coming here. The air is so cold on my skin. I hunger constantly. For what, I cannot be sure, as I am provided with all I could ask. My hunger is assauged when I am near them. Him. Not my own, but different. It cannot be right.
But I did not come here to be right. I came here to make things right. Sometimes, to do that, one must be wrong. Very wrong. This body of mine cannot contain what is inside me. The dark light wants to spread. I need more. I need to... Expand, grow, explore.
I will find my destiny.
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