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 Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 2:34 pm
 It was late into the night, near sunrise when Truthkeeper emerged from her father's den with a heavy weight in her chest. All of her littermates, dead, or presumed such. Her mother, dead. Her father, the pack's chief, Shadowpaw, dead. The only one left to continue leading the pack now was she, and she wasn't quite ready to face the others yet, not until she'd spoken to her lifemate. She knew he'd been near the den in case she'd needed to call for him, and she did so now.
"Risktaker...?"
Her voice, normally so gentle and happy was heavy with mourning yet, grim with the severity of the situation they now faced. The end of their journey had brought about a hard truth, a terrible weight for her old namesake.
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Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 2:45 pm
Risktaker hadn't expected this to be their greeting. After such a long time out in the world, exploring and experiencing, learning and growing, their return home was supposed to have been met with joy. Yet they found nothing but sadness and tragedy, lives lost and others damaged, perhaps beyond repair. He knew his lifemate was struggling with the weight of it all, but he could do little to help her.
So he did what he could for the pack, keeping them calm and trying to maintain some manner of order while Truthkeeper dealt with what she needed to. He was stressed, but he could not imagine the pain in his beloved's heart, and so he persevered and presented a strength of character and will he had not known himself to be master of. He gave everything he could to the pack, all the while never turning his thoughts from Truthkeeper.
When he heard his name called he moved to her quickly, standing close and offering his warmth, his body, as only the first comfort. "I'm here, lovemate." was all he could say, and he waited for her to speak to him. Or he would remain silent, and just stay with her for as long as she needed.
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Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 11:16 am
Immediately she sought the comfort he offered. She would have to be strong for the pack, this was true, but all of them knew, by Moongaze's blood that didn't mean that one had to be strong and tough all the time. Her ears folded back against her head with a soft whine, and it was all she could do not to howl right that minute. She'd wait a bit, though, and that night they'd all gather and howl together for the pack's losses as a whole.
"I just can't believe that they're all gone--!"
Her voice choked on the last note, eyes shutting tight. She'd come from a large litter, and the loss was absolutely staggering. It was too difficult just yet to think of the weight of her new title yet, and now more than before she was thankful that the pack lived for the "Now", it made coping so much easier to know that she only need to take one step at a time. In any other pack, in any other group she might have crumbled under the pressure, so daunting a thought, the future and all it's responsibilities, but they only came to her fleetingly. When she was ready she'd recall the support she had behind her, the pack all around her, her lifemate at her side, and they would heal together (For the pack was indeed as a whole feeling the loss in devastating harshness.)..
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Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 11:34 am
"I'm so sorry," Risktaker breathed. He was apologizing for so much. For more than he was responsible for and yet far less than he knew he should. There were so many things to dwell on, to waver from their Way to examine and wonder about. What if they had never left? Would things have been different now? How much of this was he responsible for? He knew the loses would be mourned by the pack as a whole, and by those survivors in their own, personal ways, but he could not yet fathom how he would deal with it all.
And it didn't matter to him. Whatever happened, he would deal with it. He had done his best for them, while Shadowpaw was still clinging to life. He brought them food, and offered what comfort he could. He spoke when he was spoken to and did not intrude on their goodbyes. His focus, his dedication, was entirely on his lovemate. Her health and well being were first in his mind, and the rest would have to come when it hit him. Though he hadn't known it before, he was finding out that he was stronger than he knew. And it was Truthkeeper that strengthened him.
"Mourn them," he said gently, nuzzling her, "shed tears for them, and we'll howl to the memories of all those lost. We are told to live only for today, and not dwell in the past, but this is our today. Their memories are with us today, with you, and you're allowed to cry for them. Don't be too strong, my beloved."
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Posted: Fri Dec 26, 2008 3:58 pm
It was as if with his permission a valve had been released. Though she never truly broke down she didn't do anything more to stop the tears either as they stained her dark cheeks and soon his fur as well as she buried her head against the fur of his neck.
Last she'd seen them her eleven siblings were all alive and full of life, her parents were as steadfast and healthy as ever, even having seen Shadowpaw pass away in his sleep, body almost feeble from illness, it had been surreal. It was no enemy that they could fight, nor one they could even see, something so untraceable had taken their packmates, lovemates, siblings, children, cousins, and parents. Yet... yet still, there were others to live for, always. Her life, their lives had not ended with the death of their home-bound packmates, they could not take that for granted or let their passing hold them down, especially not she. For now, however, as Risktaker said she could do nothing but live in the moment, and the moment called for mourning. After a beat she pulled away to lean her head back and howl out a long, sorrowful note to the sky and the rest of the pack, a notation of the passing of their chief and a chance for them to join in that final and oldest of goodbyes.
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Posted: Fri Dec 26, 2008 4:17 pm
Risktaker closed his eyes and supported her as she leaned against him. He sat quietly, letting her cry for them, not daring to say anything he did not mean. He could not tell her he understood, because he didn't. He could imagine it, but he could never truly understand it. He didn't want to, save if he could make some sort of deal where he could take her suffering from her. Short of that, however, he was stuck.
His family hadn't been a big one, and as far as he knew they were all still alive. The life of a wanderer meant saying good bye to his family at a young age, and growing up with the knowledge that their lives and paths would only take them further apart. Even as a youth he imagined he knew and understood what it meant when he said he would never see them again.
But Truth had to deal with something entirely different. A family, not just her blood relatives but those of her pack, she lived with, grew up with, and only left to go on an adventure with Risk and their little band... it was staggering. They had come back expecting everything to be the same as, or better than, when they left. Not this.
Risk raised his voice to howl for those he had hardly known, but would mourn as vehemently and sincerely as those whose lives had forever been changed in their passing. He could hear the voices of the pack calling with them, and he felt the vibrations of their howls in the earth itself.
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Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 4:21 pm
Some time later the two were walking through the packlands towards the border. There was a bit of time yet before she had to step into her new role, and she didn't want to dwell on it till it was time if she could avoid it. For just a little bit longer she wanted to remain Truthkeeper, and then after she'd pulled herself together, then she could hopefully do the same for the rest of the pack.
"There's so much left to do..." She observed, breaking the somewhat comfortable silence between them as they walked side by side. "We've lost so many members. I know that there are pups on the way and with the new rogues we've taken in, it will help, but I can't help but wonder how by Moongaze's ears we're going to teach them all the way, how to keep things together. It was different before, but now the pack is truly counting on me to be it's truth keeper."
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Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2008 4:56 pm
Some time later the two were walking through the packlands towards the border. There was a bit of time yet before she had to step into her new role, and she didn't want to dwell on it till it was time if she could avoid it. For just a little bit longer she wanted to remain Truthkeeper, and then after she'd pulled herself together, then she could hopefully do the same for the rest of the pack.
"There's so much left to do..." She observed, breaking the somewhat comfortable silence between them as they walked side by side. "We've lost so many members. I know that there are pups on the way and with the new rogues we've taken in, it will help, but I can't help but wonder how by Moongaze's ears we're going to teach them all the way, how to keep things together. It was different before, but now the pack is truly counting on me to be it's truth keeper."
Risktaker looked at her, tilting his head as she spoke. He didn’t doubt her when she said there was a lot left to be taken care of. He knew first hand, after all, being so near to her so often, just what she had to deal with. He offered what help he could, and the pack had been amazing in their unity since the howl. He nodded, sighing.
“I think they’ll learn it easy enough,” he said thoughtfully, offering her a lopsided smile, “because they’re going to be living it. I mean, that’s how I learned it, didn’t I? Sure, the lessons helped, but I think with the puppies we’ll have an easier time of it. We won’t be teaching them a new way of life, after all. It will simply be their way. The older rogues look determined enough, from what I’ve seen. I think we’re in a good place.”
Maybe he was a bit optimistic, but he liked to believe in things. It was tiring, expecting the worst. He liked to imagine the best, without letting himself get too unprepared for the worst if it did happen eventually. It might have been a riskier way to live, but he hadn’t earned his name for nothing. “If the pack has half as much faith in you as I do, it’s more than enough. We’re all behind you, some of us a little closer than others.” He winked and nuzzled her playfully.
"Yes..." She sighed, thankful for small favors. Perhaps her worries were for naught, but there was one issue they needed to face as soon as possible. "We'll need to replace the store holds. Any meat that was preserved could be contaminated by the same illness. We can't chance it."
Secretly, in passing she'd began to wonder on the wisdom of staying, but this was their home, and the only home that the old pack members who survived knew. She wouldn't separate them from the lands they loved. That was out of the question. Perhaps they could find a way to bring plantlife there, instead, they had met some knowledgeable wild dogs in their travels after all, if no one here posessed the knowledge someone else was bound to.
“True enough. I’ll hunt with the others, and I’ll take charge of removing what meat remains. We’ll make fire, if we can, to be rid of it completely. Hopefully the illness, whatever it was, ran it’s course already.” He sighed, shaking his head. It wasn’t the best phrasing, but he knew she understood he wasn’t being callous about the deaths.
He wagged his tail, smiling again. He wasn’t much for being sad for too long. Even when he felt the weight of sorrow on his heart, he felt comedy, some sort of bright spot, was the best way to deal with it. A lot of times it got him in trouble, because others did not really abide by the same theory, but he didn’t change.
“Nothing beats a good hunt, anyway. You could come. Clear your head a bit?”
"A hunt would be good, but that's with the pack..." She glanced at Risktaker meaningfully, hoping he'd understand what she meant, that she wanted to spend some time doing some things just with him. It was good to spend time with the pack, but perhaps now more than ever she craved a little privacy with her lovemate. Morningstar had passed before Shadowpaw, something that clearly haunted him, sped his way to that final rest. It made her all the more grateful that Risktaker was alive and well. To accompany her words and look she leaned in, ears tucking against her head as she rubbed the top of her head against his neck and under his chin with a brief nuzzle. "Risktaker... there's something else... When we come back to the pack, at the howl tonight, my name won't be Truthkeeper anymore. Father gave me a new name before he passed."
Risktaker nodded, smiling softly as he closed his eyes and nuzzled her back. He breathed her scent in deeply, glad, even in that one fleeting moment, to have her. It felt like an eternity and a second all at once, never long enough and yet he knew this connection would not fade with any amount of time. He still felt like a young pup whenever she brushed against him, as if it were the very first time. Laughing at himself, he opened his eyes when he felt her moving, realizing that they were still in that same evening, in the middle of that same crisis. But at least they were still there together.
“Well, we can always slip away for a few moments. There’s no need for all the hunters to be in one place, after all.” He hummed. And then he blinked.
“A new name? Because you’ve taken over as the pack leader? I suppose I’ll have to get used to it,” he smiled and looked almost sad by this news. He looked into her silver eyes with his gold, tilting his head to the side as one ear flopped almost comically forward, “You’re my Truth, but whatever else you become, you’ll still keep me honest.” He grinned.
"Then... let me give you a name that won't ever change..." The dark female smiled softly while meeting his eyes, a little sad herself to be releasing the old name she'd had for almost since she'd been born, but by her beliefs, and the packs, it was something to be celebrated. Truthkeeper would always be who she'd been, and perhaps in stories in the future her old name would come up as a point of time reference, but from hence forth she'd be known as and looked back to as Wisdomchaser. This name she'd give to Risktaker now though was something she'd yet to explain to him, saving it for a time when the moment was right, a special moment between the two of them. It would solidify the bond of recognition as she now trusted him with her most guarded secret. "I give you my soul name, Kilalo... It means shelter, which I vow to always be for you, and for our family, for the pack."
Risk felt his chest swell. He felt that he had already known this special name, but that was ridiculous. He couldn’t read her mind any more readily than she could his. Yet he heard her speak of a soul name, and did not need any explanation to what it meant. He nodded, smiling at this name only he would be able to call her, his head drifting leisurely to his own response.
“My Kilalo. I like that. My shelter. And I will be your support. Since every shelter needs a structure of support. Faraja. And that’s a promise, too. Whenever you need me, I’ll be there.” He drew another deep breath, seeking only her scent, moving his nose closer to her and nuzzling her with only half restrained passion. He smiled into her fur, sighing, and privately wishing that this Now could be the only one.
“I suppose we should head back,” he said, not wanting to do that.
"For now..." Sadly the moment did need to end for the time being. She didn't want to leave the pack waiting for too long, as there were many new faces that had yet to grow accustomed to things. The older members would understand that even now and then Chief's and packmates had to take long absences, instinct was instinct, and feelings were feelings, they couldn't be helped. "We'll find time for ourselves again soon lovemate..."
END
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