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My Fantasy Story (Contains WG): Jaldra's Journey Goto Page: 1 2 3 [>] [»|]

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What do you think of this story?
  AWESOME!
  Neat fantasy, reminds me of greek epics
  Good
  needs more WG/fatness
  Okay
  Bad (explain why and how I can improve it)
  I like the story, but the fetish stuff is creepy
  Ewww, expansion! xP
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Fuzzy Necromancer

PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 9:34 pm


This is an epic tale. A tale of heroes and hunger, villains and vore, gods and gaining, monsters and mpreg (clearly marked so the squeamish need not worry), and a young girl's quest to save her brother.



In ancient times, there were many empires and races scattered across the lands. None was so great and majestic however as the Kingdom of Jalthor. The people of Jalthor were a noble race. Their men were strong and their women healthy. Their kind were marked by their green skin, the two powerful tentacles growing from their backs, and the psionic power to create a shield against oncoming blows purely through the power of their minds once in each passage of the sun.
Though they revered the numerous spirits of earth, fire, water, air, death, and nature, and paid homage to the great dragons of their land, above all beings they worshipped the great god Xalgamoth, a powerful deity with five tentacles, four clawed arms, three all-seeing eyes that could release death and destruction or healing and resurrection, altogether female and male yet truly neither. One glorious day, the great god was struck by celestial love, and descended to the land of Jalthor for love of a mortal woman.

This mortal woman was Jadred, princess of Jalthor. She ascended to the status of a queen, and between them was conceived Xalgared, the half-god princess of Jalthor. When Jadred ascended with Xalgamoth to the palace of the god, Xalgared became queen. She in turn fell in love with a mortal man learned in the schools of natural science and wizardry. Between then two children were born, a boy with the power of visions and divination, and a girl of undiscerned powers.

When both had seen not more than twelve and seven summers, the brother was abducted by a fierce race of magical giants that breathed hellfire and spread madness in their wake. The girl took it upon herself to assemble a group of noble warriors, epic bards, inspired craftsmen, wise mystics, and powerful mages to set forth on the northern sea or die trying. Her name was Jaldra, and this is her story.





JALDRA'S JOURNEY
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jaldra knelt in the Temple of All, facing the seven altars of Earth, Fire, Water, Air, Nature, Death, and Xalgamoth. Her slender form was prostrate, her arms stretched towards the wide world, her eyes gazing towards the heavens, her tentacles intertwined behind her back in prayer. "Oh Xalgamoth, the greatest god of Jalthor, with four clawed arms, five tentacles, and three all-seeing eyes, I ask you for help. Xalgared, your daughter and my mother, fears her son dead and is struck powerless with divine grief. The king has become dependant on the prince's power of visions and auguries to guide and advice him and has fallen into panic fearing him lost beyond reach. I am the only one in my line left with will and hope left to act. Please Xalgamoth, send your grand-daughter a sign." She paused, and spoke again. "Oh spirits of air, bring what tidings the wind has carried of my brother, so that I might find him if he can be seen." She bowed and turned a little. "Oh spirits of water, make swift and easy the way between the many islands so that I might sail to him if he is to be reached." She bowed and turned again. "Oh spirits of fire, light my way so that I may find him if he is to be found." She bowed and turned. "Oh spirits of earth, shift and crack the walls of his prison, so that I may free him if he is to be freed." She turned and bowed to the nature altar. "Oh spirits of nature, if bird, beast, bug or bush has encountered him, let me know of him if he is to be known." Finally she turned to the altar of death. "Oh spirits of death, tell me if he now rests in the grave, so that I may seek to cast his killers into your domain. Let me avenge him if he is to be avenged."

She closed her eyes, sighed, and let two tears roll down her cheeks. She calmed herself and waited for some acknowledgement of her prayers. She felt an amazing force in the room. It was pressing on all sides, from without and within, a wave of acknowledgement, an immense surge of holy power and wisdom coming out to meet her. She opened her eyes. Before her stood an elder spirit of death, nature, earth, fire, water, and air, and the god Xalgamoth itself. "Hear and obey Jaldra. Your brother yet lives. You must go on a quest to find him, and retrieve him if you can. But first, you must assemble a team of champions for our quest. By our signs you will know where to find them."

The spirit of fire spoke first.
"Go into the garden behind the temple wherein there is a bush with orange flowers. Pick one of these flowers, then dig one tentacle-length beneath the bush were you will find a golden bracelet set with rubies. You will venture to the eastern shore and find the person who can make the flower light a starless night and one who can eat the bracelet, respectively."
She stared quizzically at the barely humanoid mass of flames. She had heard right, but, eat the bracelet? Maybe it was one of those weird symbolic thingies that gods so often use. In any case if she follow his instructions good outcomes would be engineered for her. She listened to the next spirit speak.
"Travel to the northern coast where one of my faithful priests awaits you," howled the thin and high yet roaring voice of the elder air spirit. "You need only clap twice and I will create a gale as a sign to him. He will use the powers I have granted him to suspend a single feather in the air, and you are to recruit the man who pierces it from twelve times twelve body-lengths away."
This sounded more like the traditional divine predictions/quests. She nodded her head to show she understood.
The deep voiced, resonating earth god spoke next. "Go to the southern coast and challenge each person you meet to a test of blades. The one you choose will be the first to defeat you and shall bear a copper sword set with a single emerald. Have this fighter spear for you a wild banderlooon and roast it only with the salt you find under the ground where it falls and three drops of honey. Bring the roasted banderloon to the sorceress Whare as a gift and she will join your company."
The spirit of nature rustled its leaves and preened its feathers as it spoke. ?In your fight with the banderloon you will be wounded. Do not dress or treat the wound. Instead fellow the green bird through the forest. A healer there will treat your wound and join your quest. Another banderloon will come to you pursued by a hunter. Tell the banderloon to be still, and the hunter will see it obey and join your quest.
The death spirit stared, eyes glowing from its deep skull. Its voice was solemn and peaceful. ?Go into the slums of the city and ask for a poison called hyndbud, then ask the one who delivers it for the name of a good mercenary. The two will be powerful warriors on your voyage.?
The great god Xalgamoth addressed her in the voice feminine, masculine, familiar and alien, altogether encompassing and above the qualities she knew in life. ?Go to the palace of your parents. There at the gate you will find a woman with one less sandal than she has tentacles, and a man telling of grief without gesture, glance, or words. You need only inform them of your goal and they will be at your side.?
Last spoke the churning gurgling spirit of water. ?Head to the east port when you have assembled these companions. Tell them not a word of your quest, and offer only a single white pearl for your pay. Once the captain has accepted your offer, set sail and do not turn back.?

To be continued  
PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 6:22 pm


Thats really good fuzz....I cant wait untill you put up more parts of it.

3nodding

just keep on a writing, and I will keep on a reading

SquishyAngeh


mamathing

PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 6:38 am


biggrin
PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 7:31 pm


Yessss, comments good. ^___^

Fuzzy Necromancer


~RedKitten~

PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 9:28 pm


Nice story!!
PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 3:28 am


I can already see that we have more people voting than are commenting.

SPEAK UP! ><

POST FEEDBACK YOU LURKING LARRIES!

Fuzzy Necromancer


Fuzzy Necromancer

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 1:58 pm


Jaldra was entrenched in her meditations on how to carry out the fire spirit's quest when an urgent voice hailed her. "Hey you! God princess! Over hear!" She turned and headed towards the figure adressing her. The person calling her was a girl of slightly sub-average height and normal weight.

Her figure was chubby around the thighs and butt, with a hint of a potbelly and a small but firm chest. Instead of the traditional toga she wore an odd length of fabric that divided at the crotch, outlining the shape of her hips and legs and fitting snugly around her lower body. Her torso was adorned with a stained and charred tunic that looked as if it had taken the combined effort of several minor catastrophies to achieve its present state. Her tentacles poked out through two poorly lined up gashes in the back and were constantly twisting and fidgeting in a vain search for a more comfortable positon.
Her hair was a mess of violent contrast. It was impossible to tell its original color, so profusely was it now bleached or stained by unknown chemicals and charred by ash. Her eyes glinted mischeviously behind a pair of goggles, and always wavered hesistantly near whatever object they focused on, as if sure there was something more interesting to look at but afraid to desert their post. The face terminated in a grinning fanged mouth with an expression of energetic friendlyness as if to apologize for the behavior of her other facial features and assure the viewer that they meant no serious harm.

"Hoy there! What's your name? I'm Flare Karst. Pleased to meet you, unless I already met you, in which case I'm very sorry that I forgot your name but I tend to have a lot of trouble remembering things," she said in a rapid stream of energetically casual talk. She breathed deeply, blinked, and cocked her head quizzically. Before Jaldra could respond, she opened her mouth and unleashed another verbal barrage. "Ooooooh I think I know you, you're the god-princess aren't you? I'm really sorry about your brother being kidnapped, I mean I didn't know much about him aside from his oracles, but I imagine it must be pretty hard on you family and all. Oooooooh I hope I'm not coming off as insensitive, it's a problem of mine. I just say so much with so little time to think about it I'm bound to push somebody's buttons every now and-Heeeeeeeeyyyy! That's an orange flower! I've been needing one of those for my lastest concoction. It's a very important new caustic substance, fairly volital but I think I've almost got it perfected. Mind if I use it?"

Jaldra nodded uncertainly and Flare Karst violently yanked her into her hut.

Inside the tiny shack was suprisingly organized. One wall had a sleeping hammock with a blanket, another had basic medical and hygene supplies, there was a pantry/closet portion opposite the door, and in a second room was a series of boilers and containers that appeared to serve as combination laboratory and kitchen.

Jaldra watched curiously as the girl reached onto the shelves, pulling out various vials and lukewarm concoctions, pouring a large splash or a few drops into the wooden bowl as she stirred it all together with a glass rod. She finally took the flower, and the orange began to spread throughout the fluid. As the color mixed the substance took on a green color and began hissing, and the wooden bowl melted away like sugar in hot water.

Jaldra gaped appreciatively. "That's amazing," she said. Flare only frowned. "All wrong all wrong. That was supposed to be a tasty beverage. Must've used too much baruk root and and not enough slick syrup."

Jaldra gasped as a flash of recognition crossed her mind. "Hey!" she said, "you made the flower eat through wood! That means the spirits have chosen you to be on my quest!"

"Oh, yes...I heard something about that," she said vaguely. "Who are you looking for next?"

"Somebody who can eat this bracelet," she said displaying the jewelery.

"Oh, that's Fang Drakeson! I know her. She lives like a coupla huts down. Kinda quiet, strong-but-silent type, yeah. Pretty neat looking, I wonder why she doesn't show up in the city more."

How convenient, Jaldra thought.

Flare led Jaldra to a building that was little more than a cave with a piece of tarp for a door. The entrance was scattered with flecks of dried fluids and heavily gnawed bones of unclear origin.
"Are you sure this is his...home?"
"Eh?" Flare cocked her head. "Oh, yes, definitely. Well, pretty sure. The only other cave around here has a flesh-eating monster that guards some magical treasure."
The tone of voice she used made it impossible for Jaldra to tell whether or not she was joking.
Flare walked up, lifted the canvas, and yelled in a high echoing shriek "HEY FANG! SOMEBODY WANTS TO SEE YOU!"
As the echoes died down, there was a grating and tinkling noise, like the sound of somebody rummaging through a junk drawer magnified tenfold. A loud groan issued from the cave, reverberating off the walls. A slow rumble of footsteps approached them, and the tarp lifted.
A hulking figure emerged. The hands that thrust back the tarp had only four fingers each, and all eight terminated in a sharp ivory claw. Her hair was short but hopelessly tangled, a bright blue that brought to mind the heart of a steel-melting fire. Her face was sharp and angular in a serpentine way with two mere holes in a tough ridge of skin for a nose. Her eyes radiated the cold green glow of some unwholesome chemical fire or conjuration of godless magic. Her garment was little more than three clumsily stitched animal hides and might have been overly loose once but now strained helplessly against the encroaching force of fat and muscle, ornamented only by a dangling fire amulet. Squeezing out through the tentacle-holes were a pair of small leathery wings struggling irritably against the disproportionately large bulk and wondering why they weren't in some more suitable place such as the upper torso of a bat.
The figure squinted, trying to shield her cold green orbs of light against the glaring day. She opened her scalpel-lined maw and let loose an ear-shredding roar at the intruders.

Flare whapped the behemoth lightly on its chest. "It's me you idiot!" she impatiently chastised. The figure staggered back and rubbed its forehead. The ferocious menace of the woman seemed in a moment to, if not melt away, become rather soft and pliable. "Ugh...alright. Just don't scream at me again. I've got a hangover and it feels like two banderloons are fighting over a mutton chop inside my skull." She yawned, smacked her lips a few times, and winced. "Echk. I don't suppose you have anything to help wash the taste of second time up vomit out of my mouth?" she asked listlessly. Instinctively Jaldra handed her the gold bracelet. Without speaking the strange woman tossed it into her mouth, chewed it noisily, and swallowed. Her face lit up as she stretched and rose, moving with the spicy vitality of somebody who just received several shots of espresso intravenously. She beamed welcomingly at Jaldra as if she had just walked in. "Ho there! I'm Fang Drake, a half-dragon in case your wondering." Flare said to Jaldra in a voice she seemed to think was a whisper "Don't ask how it happened," adding a cautionary nod before turning back to her associate. "Fang, this is Jaldra. She's a princess, well really the princess, and her brother got kidnapped and she said that she needed somebody who could mmph!" she said, as Jaldra impulsively placed her hand over the exuberant girl's mouth to stem the tide of babble long enough to speak.
"Pleased to meet you Fang. Interested in joining my quest?"
PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 9:12 am


that was awesome also, Im really getting into this story now....

the only wierd part is when you say that Fier Wingstar is a chick....but when they get to her house you say......*Are you sure this is his...home* You need to edit that, unless you put that there on purpose.......you just dont want your readers to become confused.....LOL

SquishyAngeh


Diego the Incubus

PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 12:49 pm


I have a feeling that this is going to build up to hilarities of some form or another mixed with some action and romance. Keep it up.
PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 3:06 pm


It's not a typo. Jaldra was just assuming the person in question was male.

Fuzzy Necromancer


serenaplacid

PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 8:25 pm


Sorry, didn't mean to lurk and not post. crying Please forgive me.

Very fun story so far. It does remind me of Greek epics, though with humor somewhat more understandable than the Greek jokes in the Odyssey. The god reminds me of Zeus - I always did wonder how a beam of sunlight managed to impregnate a woman... Anywho, nice set up for the lore of the land. Very interesting premise with lots of possibilities for humor. It reminded me of something Piers Anthony or Robert Asprin would write (I was going to say sans the fetish stuff, but they've both written some funny and odd stuff before). As a Grammar Nazi, I must point out that there were some tiny spelling errors, but no one cares about those, so long as you're not sending this as is straight to a publisher. biggrin

Two thumbs up so far. I can't wait to read what happens next. Keep up the excellent story!
PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 10:16 am


sorry my bad, LOL

SquishyAngeh


Allaron

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:28 pm


I don't know, serenaplacid. Fuzzy's writing style reminds me alot of R.A Salvatore quite a bit. But then again I get this hint of Stephen R. Donaldson at some places.

Anywho, keep up the good work Fuzzy.
PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 7:16 pm


I'll update as soon as the person voted "ewww, expansion XP" fesses up. stare

Fuzzy Necromancer


Gwormulok

PostPosted: Sun Oct 23, 2005 8:04 am


Wasn't me, Fuzzy.
Reply
Soft and Sexy

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