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 Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 5:15 am
Leaning her back against the base of a weathered fir tree, the bark pressing uncomfortably into her back, Nalira sighed as the evening sun sprinkled through evergreen leaves, dotting her pale skin with warmth.
It was cold.
It was very, very cold and the warmth was very, very welcomed. Grasping the branch beneath her in an almost predatory manner, Nalira shifted into a crouch, her wary eyes sweeping the ground. She had had little contact with those she once cared for, and still, in every sense of the word did care for, and yet the memory of little Chailyn had always stirred feelings of great anguish and even greater regret. While she had stated her leave in the form of a letter placed neatly a top the young Tale's pillow many a time ago, she had never truly left; she had always remained close by, watching with sharp eyes as the young girl carried on with her day-to-day life, unaware of the creature that lurked in the shadows, protecting her from those who too shared the shadows, but perhaps with less noble intentions.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 5:44 am
As had become habit lately, Chailyn had left home after being reprimanded for missing dance class. She wasn't sure how long she'd been wandering around until she'd ended up near a grove of fir trees. She was dressed in uncommon clothing for her, heavy black jeans and a deep purple sweater over a lilac t-shirt. She was bundled up in a white down jacket, hands shoved into purple gloves and her pink with brown messenger bag slung over one shoulder.
She was having a bad day. She'd asked her mother about piercing her ears and it'd been going well until she'd had an unexplained episode of hate pop into her stomach causing her to start arguing about the idea that she had to wait until she was older. She'd apologized of course but then another fight had been waged when it'd been pointed out she'd missed dance. To be fair to her mother, it was entirely Chailyn's fault for both fights but she couldn't help the anger she felt towards her mother at times.
Her mind wandered, she wanted someone to talk to but every time she thought to take out her cellphone she ended up shoving the thought away. She frowned, she couldn't help feeling alone and yet not. "Everyone seems to have left me behind," she mumbled sadly. She hadn't seen much of anyone since growing, not even Nalira. Only Lance and Armel- and much as liked either they weren't the same as the tale she considered a sister.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 6:04 am
Nalira watched sadly, her heart slowing to the speed of an aging metronome at the Tale's spoken words. Sliding down to a lower support, she placed a hand against the tree's base, her other still grasping the branch above. She tilted her head curiously, realizing that at this very moment she nothing more than to comfort the child and apologize for every moment of hurt and anguish she had caused, and realizing how very, very impossible and downright dangerous it would be if she did.
And then she growled. It wasn't a soft, homely growl that one often makes to express displeasure -- it was deep, rough, throaty growl from deep within her chest, much like that of a wolf protecting her young; it was terrifying. Nalira tensed, her breath catching in her throat, taken-aback by the animalistic sound.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 6:20 am
Tension shot through the small girl's body at the growl that snaked out from the trees behind her. She suddenly felt much younger than twelve and despite her ever changing moods lately, she felt like herself as fear radiated from her mind. She didn't know whether she should run or stay still. Foolishly, she turned her head trying to peer into the trees for any sign that there was something there and it wasn't just her imagination.
"Is someone there?" she asked though she didn't really want to know. She pulled her brown hair over her shoulder, threading her fingers through it nervously as she debated. From some deep crevice of her soul, she wanted to find out what had growled. She couldn't deny the urge to seek it out and get away from the brittle chains that were encircling her and strengthening as time went on. But at the same time, she felt like she'd be quite content to run away and not look back.
She decided it was all in her imagination after a moment, reverting instantly as she usually was nowadays. In a jaded state of barest melancholy, she fished in her messenger bag and pulled out a notebook. She hesitantly flopped down on the ground, her back to the trees and looked at the unfinished letter she kept trying to write. She ran her pen over the words she'd written, flipping to a clean page and starting over again for the millionth time.
"Dear Nalira. Did you know life sucks?" she mused out loud before crossing that out. Nope, that wouldn't work. "I miss you," she mumbled, shoulders slumping forward. That was an understatement if she ever heard one.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 6:46 am
Nalira shifted once more, leaning her back against the fir's trunk and moving her right leg to dangle precariously over the edge. She watched the Tale sadly, her heart tightening uncomfortably as her fingers danced through the air. If this were any other face of my past, I would have simply driven my knife through their chest, she mused, smiling to herself before closing her eyes and considering her options: she could a) continue to watch her in silence and convince herself that it really was for the best. Really. b) comfort her and apologize to her and be there for her for God's sake or c) remove herself from Chailyn's life forever. Rolling her eyes as she realised that two of the three options could be easily, and confidently scratched out, Nalira felt her grip upon the above branches tighten. With a decisive, albeit defeated sigh, Nalira turned her body towards the girl and smiled crookedly.
"I do indeed know that life sucks. Life is, in fact, one large bowl of suck on a bitter Sunday morning," she laughed, gesturing around her with her free hand. Her smile suddenly saddened and her hand lowered to hang limply by her side, a soft I've missed you too carrying gently on the wind.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:03 am
She snorted softly at the words the wind chose to bring to her before letting out a sigh at the "I've missed you too" that tickled her ear. She frowned, wondering if she was going insane. Any other time she would've been the one believing that Nalira was around, really. But since waking, she'd been convinced too many times that the older Tale was around only to be disappointed when she never appeared. It'd eaten at her for far too many months until she'd admitted that her friend, the one she considered a sister, was gone.
It was that experience that led her mother and siblings to cut her an enormous amount of slack when it came to being moody or melancholy. And really it'd just allowed her the chance to shut herself off in her own little world filled with dreams from someone else's life and anger directed towards everything. If there was any place that Chailyn seemed to retain her happiness it was dance, but even that was beginning to wane. It wasn't that the Tale was unhappy as much as she was isolated, mostly by her own accord.
"Is it wrong to be angry, still? Couldn't you have waited until I woke to leave? Or maybe you did, I can't remember anymore. You could've told me in person, at least. Allowed me a chance to say goodbye or ask you to stay," she stated, little emotion evident in her voice. She drifted in thoughts of a similar situation from a dream, two sisters going down separate paths and one trying to hold onto what was left of the other.
It was much like the flip of a switch, one moment melancholy words that seemed to be missing emotion and then a flurry of red hot anger that was only slightly because of Nalira- and mostly from some inner piece of puzzle she didn't have the clues to solve yet. "You didn't have to just leave! You were like a sister and you just left like I wasn't important! I want to hate you, Nalira!" she shouted to the wind. She could feel the switch turn off, reverting her to sadness that pressed tears into her eyes. "Did I do something wrong?" she whimpered, it always came back to feeling she hadn't been good enough.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:14 am
Nalira watched calmly, sliding from the tree with a soft thump. She listened patiently as Chailyn conversed angrily with, or rather to the bitter wind that should, in actuality, be her. Walking forward silently, the wind biting angrily at her cheeks, she stopped only when she was inches from the child before her. It took everything she had to reach her hand forward and place it upon the younger girl's shoulder, and everything she had to keep the hand there, her fingers sighing in relief against Chailyn's warmth.
"The wind really doesn't deserve that, Chai, it didn't hurt you," she whispered softly, tighting her grip slightly. "I did."
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:27 am
Chailyn froze, turning purple eyes to glance at the hand on her shoulder. She'd never imagined that and so she knew it must be real. She felt her muscles tense, back going straight and shoulder falling back. She pressed her lips together in a tight line forgetting to breathe until she opened her mouth to fill her lungs with the biting cold air. She swallowed, overwhelmed by the sudden twist.
She blinked her eyes quickly, ducking her head and swiftly wiping her glove to smear any moisture that wanted to fall. She turned her head, looking up at Nalira and feeling like the sun had finally come out to shine on her. She didn't remember getting to her feet but felt her arms wrap around the older girl, burying her face briefly before peering up.
"You're really here," she said softly, like a child just woken from a dream. She tried not to give in to tears, not wanting Nalira to feel guilty but the subtle shivering and drops pressing against the corner of her eyes won out in the end. She bit her bottom lip to keep from sobbing, to just let silent tears fall. She sniffled- "Please don't leave again," she murmured in a choked voice before nuzzling her face into Nalira. She doubted she could let go of the older Tale if she wanted to and she certainly didn't.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:35 am
Nalira stood stoicly as the child embraced her, one hand moving to the small of her back and the other raising to run gently through her hair. She leant her chin atop Chailyn's crown, breathing a soft shhh as she pulled the child in closer. Nalira immediately regretted letting herself known, the words "please don't leave again" causing her stomach to lurch and twist in defiant rebellion. Frowning, Nalira placed a gentle kiss a top Chailyn's forehead before leaning back slowly, her arms still wrapped securely around the smaller Tale's body.
"I'm really here," she whispered, smiling. "I'm really here."
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:45 am
Chailyn relaxed visibly at the soothing gestures from Nalira. She didn't notice any discomfort her words might have caused, in fact she wasn't aware she'd spoken them out loud. She'd thought she'd only mustered up the strength to speak them in her head. She allowed herself to stay in the embrace seeing no point in even attempting to pretending she hadn't been hurt by the loss of her friend.
After a moment of silence, she pulled away slightly just enough to look up into the face she mostly remembered. She wasn't sure how much Nalira had changed but she could sense differences. Not enough that would scare her away or make her wonder who it was, just enough to make her know that time had passed.
"Where've you been?" was the first thing to fall out of her mouth. Apparently she hadn't lost much of the curious nature she'd had as a child but instead of placing questions in the back of her head she'd taken to letting them be blurted out. She was too happy to care. It didn't matter what was said, as long as she was here.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:33 am
For one moment, just one, Nalira visibly tensed, her mind reeling with with a thousand answers as to where she had been. When the moment passed, her stance relaxed, and she simply smiled into the face of what felt like her entire childhood. Rubbing small circles in the middle of Chailyn's back, Nalira took a moment to compose the fabricated truth of her comings and goings.
"Here and there," she began, shrugging her shoulders for emphasis. "Taking care of certain unfortunate events life dealt me in lieu of everything else it dealt me. C'est la vie. But now isn't the time to be talking about me and my mediocre activities, how have you been, Chai?" Nalira tilted her head, all of her emotion in her smiling eyes.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:45 am
A piece of her considered throwing the question back into the older girl's face but she refused to elaborate on that thought. Instead she sighed, letting out a breath and feeling it briefly linger in front of her face before it was taken by the wind. She thought about the question, having doubts about how to answer it.
In body she was fine. In mind she was coping with odd flares of anger, strange dreams where there were two of her, nightmares that teased her puzzle pieces she couldn't grasp, and just being older. She tilted her head, in spirit she was lost. She was drifting like a fallen log because she wasn't sure what she supposed to be doing anymore.
"I've been-" she faltered pulling herself away, "fine." She smiled, brightly and forced to deflect any sense of perception that may break through. She was sure it was obvious it was a third-truth but she wanted to believe that she was better at pretending she was fine. But one look at Nalira and the resolve to pretend to be perfect was weakened, "I'm trying to be anyways. No one told me it'd be hard, Nalira. Shouldn't they have told me it'd be hard? They've grown before," she said without accusation just simple thoughts.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 9:21 am
Nalira watched the various emotions flicker across her face with vague amusement, her head tilted slightly to the left during their comfortable silence. On her final words, Nalira - though her arms had never left strayed - pulled Chailyn into another soothing embrace.
"I'm sorry I haven't been in your life as directly as I could have - as I should have, to help you through your hardships, your anger, your fears, your sadness," she emphasized, pulling back from their embrace slightly. "Just remember that I never wanted to leave, that it was never because of you and that I never truly left you, not in theory. I was always here, watching over you and-" protecting you "-making sure you didn't stray into unsafe territory and didn't harm yourself." She watched the Tale before her fondly, hoping, and perhaps even needing forgiveness.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 4:36 pm
She opened her mouth to say it wasn't her fault, which was true. Instead of coming out as such it morphed into a general statement, "It's ok." She offered a smile, genuine but not as brilliant as when she had been younger. She had no urge to hold a grudge against Nalira or anyone and though it didn't sound right in her own head, she spoke, "I forgive you." It was the truth but in her own head she couldn't figure out what she was forgiving Nalira for. The older Tale had just said she didn't want to leave so she didn't think she could consider that a slight anymore. She sighed, thinking rarely made sense anymore.
"Was it hard growing up for you Nalira?" she asked suddenly. She had a feeling if anyone could understand that growing was hard it would be the girl standing with it. She ran through a mental checklist of those who had grown and could think of no one that might have felt so drastically different.
She shivered against the cold that nipped at her face and took to burying it against Nalira again. Though they'd never been a clingy pair, at the moment it helped remind her it wasn't a cruel dream or her mind losing all sense of reality.
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Posted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 4:52 am
Nalira smiled at her words and stood back, grasping Chailyn's hands in hers.
"Thank you," she began, her expression becoming pained. "Though I hardly deserve your forgiveness." Chailyn's question took her off-guard, and her eyes suddely became unfocused as she struggled vainly to remember back to when she grew. She absently rubbed the top of Chailyn's hands, her mind reeling in an attempt to remember an event she had long forgotten. Focusing her gaze back upon the Tale before her, her lips thinned.
"I'm afraid I can't remember growing -- I remember very little involving my youth. I can tell you, however, that growing is never easy. Not only does your physical self change, but so too does your emotional and spiritual self. You are growing into who you will eventually become, and doubting every path you take to get there. I can't promise you that it will be easy, but I can promise you that it will be worth it."
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