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 Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 3:01 am
Tsubei stood poised upon the sidewalk, her eyes staring up at the building before her with aprehension. The bookstore before her, though small in appearance, was rather intimidating to her....but not because of the many books that lined its shelves.
She had come to Whitestone Used Books because of what Yaruka said that she had seen. She had returned to Setsushi's briefly, but found that the one she was looking for was no longer there. However, just a couple days later, Yaruka told her that he was here at this store for reasons still unknown. Tsubei had come for a promise she had made, but now found herself rather terrified. She clutched a small notebook to her chest tightly, her heart racing to match the shaking of her limbs. Her breath seemed caught in her chest and unable to be released.
"You don't have to go in alone, you know."
Yaruka looked to Tsubei as she stood behind her, watching her even as she stood as still as a statue, her gaze transfixed upon the bookstore in terror. When Tsubei looked back to her, Yaruka offered her a comforting smile. She knew how much this trip wracked the poor Porcelain's nerves and wanted to help her somehow.
Tsubei looked up to Yaruka and almost took her up on the offer to be escorted inside. She wasn't entirely sure that she could handle this meeting on her own.....but she couldn't keep clinging to Yaruka forever and having her help her. Tsubei was truly growing up and had to start doing thigns on her own.
Tsubei will be fine. She's just.......nervous. She just has to do this on her own. Her projections were firm, but she doubted her own convictions. She wondered if she might faint the moment she entered the door.
Yaruka listened and nodded to her in understanding. Though she was concerned, she knew that Tsubei needed to do this on her own to make herself more confident and right a few things wrong inside and out.
"Very well. If you need me, I'll just be next door." Yaruka nodded to Tsubei and turned to enter the store just next to the bookstore, but paused for a moment.
"Good luck, dear." She spoke softly befor entering.
Tsubei watched as Yaruka disappeared behind the door of the brightly colored shop. She needed all the luck she could get for this one. She turned once again to the small bookstore and walked up to the door. She took in a deep breath and pushed it open gently, looking about the inside to see if anyone was there.
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Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 6:07 am
Kumoru was seated at the counter just inside the bookstore, dressed casually as he tended to do for work. He was sitting back on his chair, but leaned forward when he heard the bell ring to announce that someone had entered, and offered a polite smile.
"Hello, can I help you?" he said, reaching up with one finger to pull his reading glasses down the bridge of his nose a little so he could see Tsubei over them.
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Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 6:19 am
Tsubei looked up to see a familiar face behind the counter and, since it wasn't the one she was half-dreading to see, she felt a bit comforted. She smiled a bit up at Kumoru through her anxiety.
"Hello, sir," She spoke rather softly, but loud enough for him to hear. She decided to address him formally, doubting he remembered her. "Have you seen someone named Kouyo here?" She paused for a moment, as if it took some effort to actually ask that question...which it had.
Tsubei was told that he was seen here not too long ago and she wonders if Kumoru has seen him. Her thought projections still held a lot of nervousness to them, but it seemed easier than speaking at that moment.
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Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 6:53 am
The mage nodded, standing up and leaning forward over the counter a little. "Yes, he works here now, actually," he told Tsubei. He was still not completely sure how Kouyo had ended up with the job, and he never seemed to want to talk about the particular incident.
Kumoru pointed down along the nearest wall, which was lined all the way down with bookshelves like the other walls of the store. "You can't see it from here, but there is a door in the very back corner on this wall that leads to a storage room. Kouyo is in there cleaning."
The door in question was marked "Staff Only", but was propped open for the moment by a large cardboard box half-filled with old-looking books. The room itself was illuminated by a single fluorescent tube along the ceiling. Kouyo was most certainly inside, as faint and indistinct yet decidedly poetic thoughts seemed to emanate from the small, dingy room.
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Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 7:14 am
Tsubei tilted her head curiously when she heard that somehow the Priest had secured a job in this place. She listened intently to Kumoru as he told her where he was and she nodded in affirmation that she understood. Still, her curiosity to this place and how someone like Kumoru was working here was brimming. No, she had something to be done. Curiosities could be satisfied later.
"Thank you, sir. I will try to not be too long." She curtsied to him, which was a bit awkward as she held the notebook in her arms, but she managed somehow and immediately sought the door in question.
Once she found it, she could feel the poetic thoughts that were familiar of the High Priest. She paused right at the doorway, biting nervously on her lower lip as she debated on whether or not she should enter or wait until he was done.....then again, who knew how long that might take. She could spend some time stalling...er....waiting as she perused books on flowers to see if she could find one that specified the care of orchids.
You have to do this eventually, Tsubei. She thought to herself. You made a written promise and you have to keep it. Easier thought than done, of course. She inhaled deeply, taking in the musty scent of the back room, and she entered with slow, careful steps. She projected gentle questioning thoughts, looking around the rather dimly lighted room. It gave her stomach a bit of a twist, as it gave it all a rather ominous air....a variety of creepy visions of things from horror stories flickered into her mind every so often, which only served to give her chills and increase her anxieties.
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Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 3:36 pm
Kouyo looked quite different today, dressed in plain Gaian clothes instead of his fancy robes. He knelt on the floor with his back to the doorway, between two cardboard boxes and half-surrounded by small stacks of books. The priest's hair was done up in a messy bun to keep it out of his way, and he had a cloth mask over his nose and mouth to protect against the dust in the room.
At feeling someone else enter the room, he sent out a small feeling of panic until he realized that it was another Porcelain. Kouyo turned and stood, giving off a small embarrassed feeling at being caught so dirty; before Tsubei entered, as well, he had been wondering about what a specific someone would think of seeing him like this now. Still, he projected his greetings to the Porcelain and gently urged her back out of the storage room. If she wanted to chat, it was much nicer out there. Kouyo needed a bit of a break from the tiny cramped dirty dim room, himself, anyway.
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Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 6:13 pm
Seeing Kouyo alone was enough to make her heart freeze momentarily, but seeing him in Gaian clothes promoted her to blink in surprise. She hadn't seen many other Porcelain apart from herself who sometimes dressed in Gaian clothes. His appearance, however plain it might have appeared to him, was enough for her eyes to give him the once-over out of sheer shock, trying to make sure that it was indeed Kouyo. She caught herself, though, and shifted her eyes to the floor instead, deciding that the rolling dustbunnies were quite interesting.
His slightly panicked feeling made her stop in her tracks and backstep just a bit, ready to turn and walk quickly out of the room if necessary...but his embarrassed feelings came as a bit of a relief. At least it wasn't anger. She quickly projected her own greetings and agreements to leave the rather dingy room, for all of this dirt was making her feel QUITE uncomfortable and she was stepping quite lightly to make sure that she didn't get dirty. She held the notebook with one arm while the other serves to use her sleeve as a mask of her own as she turned to walk back out. Once back out, she stood to the side to allow Kouyo room to get out as well, brushing off airborn dust and checking herself for any stowaway dust bunnies. It was a momentary distraction from her ultimate anxiety, which should come back into play at any moment.
If Kouyo is busy, Tsubei can wait for a while until a better time. She came because she hadn't seen him in his usual place and she was curious as to where he might have gone. Her projections seemed slightly rushed, her nervousness creeping back up.
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Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 12:21 am
The priest brushed himself off as well as he could, and did his best with his magic to weight down his own dust collection as he shed it so that the motes would be less likely to drift out the partly-open door. He then did the same to the dust stirred by Tsubei's feet. He would have kept the door closed while he worked, but ... he did not want to feel like he was trapped in the storage room. Perhaps as he cleaned it out more, it would become a more comfortable location, but for now, it bothered him to spend more than perhaps half an hour at a time within.
When he thought himself dust-free enough, Kouyo followed Tsubei out, and coughed softly before removing his mask. He is quite sorry the lady must see him this way - unwashed, unpainted, and underdressed - but if he had known she was coming, he might have been able to suggest a time when he was not in the middle of dusting out the sorely neglected storage room.
But she was here now. Kouyo greeted her more formally, and asked what it was that the Lady Tsubei wished of him. The High Priest holds a shaking hand near his face, partly out of his inveterate modesty, and partly because he feared he may have to sneeze. He was a bit anxious himself about how this exchange would go, but for the moment, the majority of his anxiety came from his lingering fear of being trapped in the storage room; he kept this hidden from Tsubei.
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Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 1:04 am
Tsubei looked up to him when he came out of the storage room, raising an eyebrow slightly to the dust smudged on his face, and actually.....smiled. This time, it reached her eyes with a twinkle of amusement to see him in such a casual disarray. She was actually trying her best not to giggle, for the simple matter of the fact was she was so nervous about this meeting that she had expected much more tension before someone of such a standing as he....and yet here they were, him in such casual clothes and smudged with dirt and she was finding it all rather comical. It was cute and rediculous in so many ways.
She reached into a pocket in her robes and pulled out a handkerchief, handing it to him with the smile still on her face.
Kouyo can use this to clean up his face....and halt his sneezing, if he wishes. She projected softly, holding the notebook in her arm and wondering if this was still a good idea.
"I made a promise...to tell you a story." She spoke in a gentle, yet firm tone...thought the latter was directed to herself. "I did not know where you had gone...so I came here to see for myself. I wanted to keep my promise..."
Tsubei would still like to tell him the story....whenever he feels like it, of course. She just wanted to make sure... Her projections halted as she looked to the side, her nervousness once again slipping back in.
"And...I wished to apologize in person. I'm truly sorry for my words and actions."
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Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 1:55 am
Kouyo took note of the girl's amusement and gave off another feeling of embarrassment. He put his mask on again, figuring it was the best thing he had to hide behind at the moment. And while the priest appreciated the lady's offer of her handkerchief, Kouyo did not want to get it dirty right now; he still had quite a bit of cleaning to do today, and that would only make him dirty again.
The priest appreciated her apology, too, and the flower she sent. Kouyo had the hyacinths standing in jars of water at Setsushi's house, and he has been by a few times to work on using his magic to coax roots from them. He hoped to plant them in soil soon. He told her that he was sorry as well, for getting cross with her; the priest adds that he is not sure Tsubei knew why he was upset, but that it is not something over which she should continue to worry. He glanced away. Kouyo knew he had been acting strangely at times recently, and would try to better control himself in the future.
He let her know that he was paying attention even though he was not looking at her, and that he had to admit that he was curious about what story she had to tell him. A Gaian fairy tale, perhaps? He had time to listen while he steadied his nerves again to return to the storage room.
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Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:39 am
Tsubei tried to banish her amusement, but that image would remain in her memory and provide her moments of genuine smiles and giggles in later times. She did not mind if he got it dirty now or later, for he could keep it if he wished. She could always make a new one.
She smiled a bit as she heard him speak of the flowers she sent him, curious as to how he could possibly coax roots from cut flowers. She had never tried such a thing and did not know if it was possible, but the idea was an interesting one.
Kouyo would love Tsubei's greenhouse. She has filled it with many beautiful flowers and they have given her their descendants as thanks for a long life. Tsubei can bring Kouyo some of the seeds if he would like. She realized then that she was somewhat babbling over a completely different subject and tried to focus back on the real matter. She took in his apology and felt a bit more at ease. Tsubei was not acting quite like herself much, either. She hopes that she can better herself, as well.
When he inquired about the fairy tale, she smiled again...but there was a distinct sadness this time to it as she hugged the notebook she carried in her arms. Within those pages was a story that she had seen many times in her recent dreams and only one other knew a part of it.
"Yes....a Gaian fairy tell, in a way. It takes place in Gaia, at least." She held the book in her hands and opened it to the first page, looking at the carefully written words. "It is not one that anyone else has read before, though." Kouyo would be the first one to hear it. With that, she began to read.
Once upon a time, in a place not so far away and not so very long ago, a little princess found herself in a very scary place. She did not know where she was, or who she was, or who was friend or foe. Even those she looked upon as her people seemed enemies to her frightened eyes. The dark streets and filthy water beneath a rotting bridge only served to greaten her fear of this place and the people that surrounded her. Lost and afraid, the princess curled herself up amidst the grimy streets and awaited for her certain death.
Then, out of the darkness, there came her salvation; a knight of her people came forth and took her in his arms, far away from the frightening place and away to a small but wonderful palace where she would be safe. The princess looked upon her knight and felt such admiration for him. He had saved her from horrors unknown and had placed her in the care of someone whom he thought could look after her properly. She would never be able to thank him enough. However, soon after, the princess’s caretaker proved unfaithful and abandoned her. Once again, when she was frightened and alone, the knight came to her rescue and took her back to the small palace of safety. There, he looked after her until they could find someone proper to take care of the princess and look after her fragile self. The princess, however, was perfectly content to remain where she was; with her savior, the knight. She knew, though, that she must find a proper caretaker, for there were others that needed the knight’s protection until they could be looked after by someone just right. Soon, the knight found the princess a proper provider, but told her that she, like the others, would always be welcome to come back to the palace to visit any time she pleased. This made the princess very happy, for she wanted to see the knight again.
He was kind and handsome, to compliment his bravery, and seemed to care about the princess very much. These things made her heart swell whenever she saw him, the childish infatuation growing with each passing day. Though there were others who yearned for the princess’s attention, her eyes only saw the knight.
As time passed, childish infatuation and admiration quickly grew. As the princess aged into a youth, she came to truly love the knight and longed for nothing more than her undying affections to be reciprocated. She did not care about his age, for he was much older than she, and she did not seem to care that such a love was never meant to be. She had known this since the beginning, but that never stopped her heart from clinging to hope that maybe, someday, he would take her into his arms in a loving embrace.
When the princess blossomed into a woman, her hopes had never been higher. However, the knight had seemed to change towards her. He no longer seemed to hold kindness in his beautiful eyes when he looked upon her. Instead, there was a coldness to match their icy color. He began to distance himself from her, at times seeming to ignore her completely. This hurt the princess deeply, but she still remained by his side. As time passed, he seemed to grow farther apart from her and appeared, in her eyes, to be much colder, which pushed her away. The princess retreated from him to allow her heart a moment to itself and a chance to reach deep into herself and find an answer. The answer that she found was not the one she wanted, but was the one she had known all along; she had to say goodbye to her hopes of love with the knight. Such a thought was a dagger to her precious heart, but she knew that it must be. With this in mind, she prepared herself for the heartache that was certainly to follow.
More time passed and the princess, as well as many of her people, changed in many ways. Still the knight was there for them with answers and support. The princess had distanced herself from the knight in the hopes that she would soon be able to let go of the love she once felt for him. It was very difficult and, at times, promoted the princess to retreat for a time so that she could shed her tears alone. Throughout the long trials, however, she tried to remain strong and encourage her heart to heal. It seemed, though, that the knight did not see her efforts to leave him be.
One day, the knight came to the princess and presented her with a gift; a bouquet of beautiful flowers. These flowers, however, were more than just a pretty present. They held a message to them that the princess already knew. The flowers, striped carnations, were a message of refusal; “I cannot be with you.” This the princess already knew and the visual message of such seemed to patronize her. The hurt that came with them proved to be too much for her to bear. Once she was safely home, in the privacy of her own room, the princess cried as she felt her glass heart shatter apart.
There came a day, some time later, that the princess ruefully returned to the palace…..only to find that it was abandoned. Neither the knight nor the friends she had among her people were anywhere to be seen. The princess was truly alone. With a heavy heart, and many questions unanswered, she returned to her caretaker to live the remainder of her days as perhaps the last of her kind, so she feared.
More time had passed and the princess seemed to have changed yet again. This time she hoped it would be the last and a sign that things were looking brighter. With this change, though, she found that something was off; pieces of her memory were missing, certain points in time rather fuzzy and hard to see when she tried to look back. She hoped that this could be cleared up soon. Her answer was to come when, while walking with her caretaker, she discovered a small house where she could feel the laughter of others of her kind. Could it be? Had they returned? Inside of the house, she found that others of her people had returned; among them was a tall handsome knight. However, she did not recognize him. He went by a different name and yet he reminded her of someone she thought she knew.
The arrival of friends promoted joy from the princess. However, with them came a name that held a great pain for the princess that she could not understand nor did she know where it came from. In time, though, the princess would discover the lost memories contained in a single flower. It was then that she remembered.
When the knight she had loved so long ago had given her the flowers, she had made a vow to let her love for him die away as each flower wilted. She would scatter the petals to the wind and let her love for him go with them. But when the last flower began to die, the princess could not find it in her heart to let go. In secrecy, she hid the flower away to preserve it. When the princess found it once more, her memories of the knight and her love for him came back in a painful torrent. This overwhelmed the princess and she found herself in tears once more, her heart bleeding with a love she had hoped was long-forgotten.
The princess wished for nothing more than to rid herself of this pain and be able to let go of the knight that held a tight grip on her heart. He had disappeared, perhaps dead, so why did she still feel so strongly? The pain was still too much for her to bear, even as the budding-again young woman she was becoming. Her suffering was hurting others and causing trouble for those that showed her kindness, and even those she had begun to look upon with fondness. It even caused enough trouble that she felt she could no longer return to the place that had brought her people back and had given her hope.
And so, the princess ran away. It was a decision made in a heated moment of hurt and sorrow, but the journey was one that the princess was desperate to take. Upon this journey, the princess let her past pain, and joy, leave her upon the fragile petals of the last flower as they were carried away by the caressing wind. However, she found that she still could not return home, for there was still much she had yet to discover about herself. There was much turmoil in her mind, though her heart was now safeguarded behind heavy locked doors. Nature would have none of it though, for it took a toll on her health and forced the wayward princess to return home in the arms of her guardian angel. Though the princess had recovered, and her dreams free of the haunting image of the knight she once adored, she still spent her time wondering if her journey was truly over.
And she continues to wonder to this very day wherever she goes. Though I still have much more of life in store for me, I feel that a part of me will be forever lost in time. I am no princess, but rather an ever-dreaming commoner in search of something perhaps far beyond mortal reach. I can only pray to touch a single ray of truth and wish for hope to return to a hopeless heart.
When the tale was over, Tsubei and her thoughts were silent. Her hands were still shaking and her eyes seemed glossy, but the tears the story provoked she refused to shed. She would be stronger than that.
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Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:19 am
The High Priest was quiet for a moment before he ventured to glance back up at Tsubei. He smiled faintly behind his mask though she would not likely be able to see it, but also shyly projected a feeling of comfort and reassurance. Tsubei was fortunate to be one of the ones like Jilan - both old and young. She saw with the eyes of someone beyond her years, and yet still had her life ahead of her once more.
A woman who could be a strong princess at heart would likely have no trouble courting whatever man she wished. And whatever man she selected - knight, scholar, artist, something else? - would be quite a lucky husband. And she would still be able to treasure the memory of the one who had saved her and allowed her to become the princess. Kouyo definitely did not speak just to flatter her; he let her know that he was completely sincere. Growing up was one of the most difficult things a Porcelain could ever be forced to do. He had heard tales of those who never had to grow up - to be able to do so should be a point of pride.
And no one's journey was ever truly over. Kouyo himself had just recently broke free of his birdcage, and was now trying to learn to fly.
... He just first had to take an interesting detour, apparently, toiling as that Gaian creature who lived and bathed in dust. Chinchilla? Kouyo projected an image of one as best as he could recall from one of the books he had paged through while cleaning the day before, and laughed softly.
Behind walls where the Lady Tsubei could not see, the High Priest struggled to reassure himself as he reassured the young woman. He had been forced to grow up, as well, and yet he was still searching for shattered pieces of himself, some of which he knew he would never regain. There would never be a Kouyo Who Was Complete, and the thought of this killed him on the inside again and again. Yet for the Lady Tsubei, there was still great hope.
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Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 5:01 am
Tsubei wasn't sure just how to feel at that particular moment. Even Yaruka, who had been by her side almost every step of the struggle, did not know the depths of the torture that it had put on her soul. She had not wished for her to know. Only Silver had a fleeting idea of what she was going through, but even he did not know just how many pieces her heart had broken into. Yet now as she was within Kouyo's presence after telling her tale to a complete stranger, she felt another great weight lift from her shoulders. She felt as if she could breathe again and she lifted her eyes up to Kouyo just as a stray tear fell. She cursed internally those ones that managed to escape her and quickly brushed it away, a small smile on her face.
She grasped at the comfort that he offered her, listening to his sincere flattery. The thought that she might fall for someone else, though, was something that stung her heart a bit. She tried to keep it well hidden, the fear of being that close and yet the yearning for it making for a strange mixture, like milk and oil. She mused about the memory of the knight and recalled just how much Setsushi reminded her of him, with a few key differences of course. She could still see with the child's eyes Tsukiba, the knight she once adored....the visual of a frail orchid reaching for a thorned rose superimposing over it. Yes....she was the orchid, but she had learned her lesson and kept her leaves away from the thorns of a dangerous beauty.
When he mentioned his own journey, she could see him as a caged nightengale that longed for the skies.....but then that was taken over by the image of the chinchilla, the gray furball rolling around in a cloud of dust. She couldn't hide it then and she giggled softly, the smile on her face genuine once again.
"You'd be a cute chinchilla." She managed to mention through her giggles. The statement was one she was a bit surprised that she spoke aloud, and her cheeks pinkened just a bit. She felt the locks weakening and quickly dispelled the slight blush, turning the keys inside to reinforce the locks.
The journey never stops until the ultimate end, but it does not have to be made alone. There are others who will be taking the same roads, supporting one another and sharing joys and pains. There will be times where the roads will fork and each must choose their own path, but they will always find a way to remain in touch and the paths will always cross somehow....like infinite figure eights. The seriousness that came with her thoughts seemed to be echoing within her own soul, telling this to herself as well...preeching to the choir, as one might say. She looked to the side for a moment, wondering why exactly she thought of that....perhaps because she felt alone at the end of everything, despite friends and family near and needed to reassure herself. It was wisdom worth sharing, either way. She looked back up to the Priest with a calm, gentle smile.
Tsubei was not meaning disrespect to Kouyo that day. She was trying to keep herself from saying things she might regret. She was still struggling with the memories then and was trying to gather herself so she would spare Kouyo of her burdens....but still she managed to offend him, which she never wished to do.
"If there is any way I can mend that, please let me know." Her thoughts and rang with the same sincerity he had given her. She did not hold malice towards him, but rather the regret that she continued to do foolish things that drove away people she cared about.
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Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 5:29 am
It was almost like being in his tower again, having to put on a smile when talk turned to love and such things. Yet it seemed he could play that game again here in Gaia, in spite of the other broken pieces of himself. It saddened him to lie, but what choice did he have? Kouyo kept these thoughts to himself as he continued to show Tsubei his quiet confidence.
Yet he still had to warn her.
The High Priest told her softly that, "This little bird, though free of his cage, is still forbidden by custom from knowing love." So perhaps he could never understand her feelings for the knight of her past. But... he would try his best not to carelessly tread upon her feelings if she took care to avoid treading upon his. Free or not, the High Priest could not know a woman's touch and, at times, this pained him.
It was not a total lie yet, and would not be unless she asked why. Either way, Kouyo had practiced this game well enough that she would never know.
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Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 6:11 am
Tsubei looked upon him with curiosity, wondering exactly why he had said such a thing. Still, she listened to him, her face one of placid attentiveness, yet the natural curious person within her was trying so hard to analyze what he was saying to her and his general behavior. There was an emptiness to his words....a sign of practice to them. She kept her thoughts from probing, just listening and taking it in, the familiarity of the tone seeming to superimpose his voice upon her own in her mind. There was a danger to them that she had treaded all too well. The gentle heart behind the locked doors wanted to reach out...but the rational mind that held the locks around it held it back and kept her thoughts from seeping through.
"No one is truly free." She spoke simply and softly, for it was quite true. Even children, who may seem as though they have all the freedom in the world, indeed have very little as Ren'i had proved through his own story.
Knowing love is a two-edged sword. Such was the fleeting thought as she pushed back the memories again and set the topic aside, since it was apparent that the subject was unwelcomed on both sides. She would not ask and would not speak further on it. She placed a smile on her face as she looked down to the notebook, her hand waving slowly across in an actually successful attempt to turn a page, without touching it.
Does Kouyo feel better now that he has been out of the dust for a while? Her inquiry was soft and somewhat cheerful as she tried to put away a subject quite painful.
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