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 Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 8:36 pm
It hadn't been too long ago that she had first set foot in the Pridelands, home to her "prisoner." But now he was free, and she had helped to do that. Her two brothers and she had accompanied Tain on a journey of a life time. To bring him back home. And, of course, to escape from their own evil mother, who's dream was to make Kaihdin the heir of a female-ruling society. Kaihdin couldn't stand the lioness.
The days had passed quietly and calmly. The black lioness hadn't exactly met any of Tain's family yet (though this was to be expected; she had, after all, been the one to lure him away in the first place). He had disappeared into his den long ago and had not come out. Once in a while a brother or his only sister, Auri, would leave and come back with food, or they would sit and stare at Kaihdin. Other than that, their communication was limited.
Kaihdin wasn't worried, per se. She was...concerned. That's it. Much better a word than "worried." She was concerned that Tain's father and mother would get the wrong impression and attack her brothers and herself, even if Tain explained things to them. If given the chance, Kaihdin would only apologize and plea that as a cub, she had not known better under the enchanting influences of a psychotic lioness. If they wished for her to leave, then she would do so quietly. She had no idea where she would go, which was why she was hoping she would be able to stay, even at a fair distance away to the others.
At the moment, she was trying to take a nap in the sunlight on a rather sturdy rock close to the ground. There was a small laughing stream nearby and she closed her eyes to the rhythmic churning of the water. Troubling thoughts kept her awake, however, and she couldn't seem to block them out.
It seemed silly to hole up in a den for several days when he had just escaped his prison, but once Tain had set foot in the family den, he had found it nearly impossible to leave again. Auri, his dear sister Auri, had helped bring him food, as did his parents. He felt bad that they were waiting on him, but he was enjoying it, too, enjoying having his family at last.
At least, his real family. Tain had unexpectedly found family in Camulos, and to a degree his siblings Kaihdin and Ishida as well. Ishida had left, Tain knew, but he knew that the lioness was still around. Kiwi had mentioned it to him.
"Are you sure you're okay with her being nearby?" Kiwi asked, frowning slightly.
"I'll ask her to leave, if you want."
"No, Dad, it's fine. She's fine. Don't worry about it."
"If you're sure."
He was sure. Once upon a time, he had hated the young lioness almost as much as he hated her mother. As he grew and matured, though, he realized that it was not fair to place blame on her. She had, after all, just been a cub, as he had.
After a few days had passed, however, Tain began to long for the warmth of the sun on his fur once more. He crept carefully out of the den, his fur perfectly groomed for the first time in ages. There wasn't much else to do when you sat in a den all day.
He sniffed the air for a sign of Cam, but did not find one. He did, however, catch Kaihdin's scent, and he found it odd that it made him nearly just as happy. Tain figured Cam was off with Siri.
"Kaihdin?" he said softly, padding closer to her.
Her flicked upward at the soft greeting, but the voice didn't register in her mind for a minute or two. Then Kaihdin's eyes shot open and she scrambled to sit up on the rock before Tain, instead of laying down and not being polite. Thing is, she moved to fast, and she saw stars and dots in her vision for a moment while her blood rushed to her head. Embarrassed, she stammered to reply.
"T-Tain, it's nice to see you. I was beginning to think that you were never going to come out of your home." She chuckled weakly. She wouldn't blame him if he never did come out again. But there was always a time when fresh air was a necessity. And to stretch one's legs.
She wasn't entirely sure what to say. They hadn't really spent nearly as much time with each other as Cam had done with him, but then again, she hadn't really been allowed close to Tain's prison in the first place. And once they had escaped, Kai had avoided him at all costs. The guilt was tearing at her inside and she couldn't bear to be anywhere near him.
But she'd had some time to think, and now she hoped that the feelings from before wouldn't come back to plague her again.
"It's nice to see you," she repeated dumbly. It wasn't that she liked him, but her nerves were getting the better of her. Her heart thudded and she could feel heat on her cheeks. "How are you?"
He tilted his head as he sat down near her - near, not next to. He wasn't sure if it would be rude to get too close or not. After all, she seemed friendly enough with him, but he didn't want to assume that they were friends just because they had similar experiences. Of course, having little to no social experience as a cub made him unsure about just about everything he did.
"I'm fine," he said, his voice soft as usual. "Yeah, it's hard to leave again..." Tain trailed off for e moment before shaking his head, continuing. "But there's no reason for it. I'll get over that feeling eventually. How are you? Are you staying?"
There was no intention, ill or otherwise, in the tone of his voice. He cocked his head to the side, curious. Tain didn't know where she would go if she left, but he didn't see any reason for her to stay, either. For one of the first times in his life, he felt lucky. At least he had a home.
"I...I'm not sure, yet," she replied carefully. "On one hand, I'd understand if I was asked to leave. On the other, I'm not sure where I would go. I've never had to really do anything by myself before, or without instructions to follow." Unconsciously her voice hardened as a swirl of memories rushed through her head. 'Instructions' was a kind word indeed for what Roho had put her through.
"But for now, I'm fine. The game is plentiful here, and I've found a small area nearby (not too close, of course, for I wouldn't want to intrude on your family's grounds) with a shady tree that I've been sleeping under since we came here. Cam stays with me from time to time, but mostly he's off doing whatever." She made an attempt at a smile and it came out weakly. "You know how he is since he met Siri, I take it?"
In truth she was happy for her brother. Extremely happy. He had seemed to find something good and happy and solid in all this tragic mess their lives were. She was proud of him for looking through the hard times and keeping his mind on the good that awaited him. And now that it had finally come, Kaihdin couldn't help but wonder--yearn, rather--for her own happy ending.
"I do," he replied quietly, looking out toward the horizon. Tain was happy for his old friend, of course, but it had been hard to lose him, even in a non-permanent way. He had been Tain's only solace growing up, and even now that he was back home, with his family, there was an emptiness in his heart that Cam had left.
"I feel out of place here." Even as he said it, he wasn't sure why he was telling Kaihdin. They had come from the same place and the same experiences, and though he considered her an ally he wasn't sure he considered her a friend. It just slipped out, as though he had been holding it in and it finally boiled over. "I love my family, but I don't know them."
It had probably been the biggest step for all of them when Cam had met Siti. It was the biggest step forward into a new life, away from their past. Perhaps that had been Cam's way of telling them that it was okay to move on and forget. That now, with him doing it, it was okay to start their own lives as well. However they did it was up to them, but they needed something new now. At least, that's what Kaihdin thought.
She glanced at him with a worried frown. "Out of place?" she repeated, puzzled. "I'm sorry. Although I know the feeling, I'm not quite sure our families are the same in that sense. You could make it a point to spend time with one of your family members at a time, maybe? Then grow to know them." She shrugged one shoulder, trying to be helpful.
"Perhaps," he said, shrugging, but smiling weakly. "It's ridiculous, I know. It's just strange."
He turned his pale blue eyes on Kaihdin, looking at her carefully. "At least I have my family," he said softly. "I'm sorry that the same isn't true for you. I can't imagine..." He shook himself, not going on. "Anyway, I'm happy to be back. I just have to get used to things."
Tain found his freedom odd. He was not used to making his own choices and so he spent most of his time in the family den, resting, thinking. There was an entire world out there for him to explore - but he was not sure that he wanted to.
"No, it's not ridiculous," she said softly. She only wished that she could help him more, somehow, but it seemed that she didn't know how. Or the right way. Or perhaps she couldn't help him at all.
Kaihdin laughed his concern away. "I have Cam, and he's more than enough for me," she insisted. "Roho raised me to be a loner anyway, really. To not rely on anyone but myself." She shrugged again. "I guess I got used to it, and it's nice having time and a place to yourself for a good while. Although..." she trailed off and glanced at the clump of trees to one side. "That little forest has been awfully tempting to just go off and scavenge. Just to see what it is." There could be new kinds of animals, or trees or plants. There could be a river or a small pool. There could be a waterfall, with a hidden cave behind it.
Her eyes glanced back at him. "Wanna come with one day?"
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Posted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 9:54 pm
For a moment he was tempted - tempted to go on this little adventure with Kaihdin, to see something new. When he thought about it, he realized that he hadn't seen anything new since he was a cub. It was the Pridelands and then the barren scrap of land that had been called the Tononeka. Then, the Pridelands again...
Anger welled in him. What else had he missed? He knew the answer immediately. Everything. Life would never be the same for him as it was his brothers and sister. Even far into the future, his time with Roho would always be a part of him. And right now, it had been his entire life.
He subconsciously unsheathed his claws, scraping against the stone. Just moments ago, he had told himself that he couldn't blame Kaihdin - that she had been innocent, used - well, hadn't he, too? Didn't he have the right to be angry? To be angry at Roho, of course... but angry at Cam and Kaihdin, too? How long had it taken them to help him escape? The rational part of his brain said that, well, they couldn't do anything when they were still young - juves were no match for adults...
But Tain did not want to listen to the rational side of his mind. He wanted to be angry. He wanted to lash out. And the lioness sitting next to him - if it hadn't been for her, it would have never happened...
Again, the rational part of him said that no, even without Kaihdin, Roho would've found a way. She would've gone out of her way to spite Kiwi, having Kaihdin there to do her dirty work was just luck...
His fur prickled with anger. Still, he said to himself, she didn't have to go along with it. She could've run away! A chance that I never had... and she got to grow up with her family, no matter how awful some where, another thing I'll never experience. It seemed terribly unfair, unjust, that she had not suffered the hardships that he had - oh, hardships, sure, but could they really be compared? In that momeny of rage, he told himself that no, they could not.
"I don't want to go with you," he growled, his usually soft voice harsh, bitter. "I... you..."
His lips curled back momentarily. "It was your fault in the first place," he growled. "The reason I left... and got caught... it was you! If that had never happened, I would've never..."
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Posted: Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:10 am
Kaihdin didn't say anything for a moment, even when his claws scratched at the ground. Her eyes glanced down to them, a bit wary, but believing that he would not use them to hurt her in anyway. Little did he know that his tongue had claws of its own, and that he did hurt her that way.
Her mouth opened and closed for a moment, speechless, not knowing what to say. This was probably the first time he had truly lashed out at her in anger. She thought he understood. That's why they had clicked. Tain had forgiven her and they understood each other.
"I...I know. And I'm sorry; I'll apologize as many times as you want," she replied, pleading for him to think rationally even though he wasn't. "It wasn't my fault," she added. "I was tricked. I was used, too. We both were and it wasn't fair to either of us.
"If that hadn't happened, you would have never have left your home. You would have grown up happily, even, here with your family. I would have never known you any more than just a cub I used to play with when I was little.
"If that hadn't happened, you wouldn't have met Cam, and Ishida. If that hadn't happened, my brothers and I would have never found the courage to leave our family and abandon them because what they were doing--what they believed in--was wrong. You helped us to see that. So if that hadn't happened, we would still be stuck back there. I would be stuck, ruling, doing things I didn't want to do, but had no choice."
Kaihdin desperately needed him to see everything again, to understand. She was losing him; she could tell. Soon he wouldn't be able to think rationally and soon, he wouldn't care anymore. Where was Cam when she needed him?
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Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 2:35 pm
"You and your family," Tain said, growling. "That's fine. That's good. I don't want anyone to suffer - but why did I have to sacrifice my own happiness, my own life, to help you? Good, you're free now. What about me? I can never get that time back. Never. I don't belong in my own family. I don't really even belong here! This is where I was born, nothing more. I thought I'd be coming home, but it's as unfamiliar as anything else."
Another snarl ripped through his teeth as he glared at her, unable to hold back any more. "Sure, you were tricked. Okay, I get that. You didn't choose to do it, but it happened any way. I can't look at you. It makes me..." Sick? No, because despite the rage, he still couldn't deny the feelings that were growing for the lioness - but that only made things worse, more confusing. "I can't do it. I don't want to see you, to look at you. Or Cam, or Ishida. I want you gone. I want..."
His pale blue eyes blazed as he realized the truth. "I want to be gone. I don't belong here."
Tain gazed at Kaihdin for a moment, his expression a mixture of anger and longing, longing for a normal life, the one he would've had if none of this had ever happened, before turning and bounding away, his paws carrying him as fast as they could.
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Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 2:54 pm
She opened her mouth to say something, to interject anything, between his pauses. He wouldn't let her; Tain continued talking before she could say anything worth saying. And even if she did have something that was worth him to listen to, he wouldn't. She could see that now.
And then, just like that, he was gone. One last glare with anger and...something, something else...and he was gone, sprinting away into the distance. Kaihdin took one step instinctively to go after him, tears brimming on the edge of her eyes. Then she stopped and whipped her tail around angrily.
This was not her fault. He couldn't blame her for everything; that wasn't fair. None of this was fair, and it was Roho's fault because of that.
"Fine!" she yelled after him. "Run away," she roared. "That will solve everything. I don't want to see you anymore, either! Because you remind me of a past I never wanted, either. I never wanted to be hated. I wanted to be loved!" Her tears choked her throat and it hurt; her voice sounded raspy. "I wanted to be appreciated," she added in a softer voice, glaring out at his form, now a tiny dot far, far away. And with him, her feelings for him ran away from her, too.
She didn't want to remember him, or what she felt for him, or what could have possibly been between them. It wasn't worth it now. Even if she decided to run after him and keep trying, try to persuade him that what he thought was wrong...it wouldn't be worth it. Tain had always been determined. And stubborn. Even if he didn't realize it, he could be, at times. And Kaihdin had a horrible feeling in her stomach that he was stubborn and determined about this.
"I loved you. I'm sorry." She whispered it into the wind and it went the opposite way that Tain had run. Figures. She closed her eyes and went back to her place under the tree for one last night in the Pridelands. She would leave in the morning.
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