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 Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 1:38 pm
The unhealing cuts, the painful shoulder, the angry demoness and the demands of his job could not take away the memories, much as he hoped they could.
The day was crisp, just a hair shy of cold, with high blue sky and the occasional whisp of cloud dotting the eternal cerulean ceiling. Everything in the cemetary was green, well kept and maintained aesthetically, the headstones and plaques still darkened with the morning's moisture and dew. Leaves still colored with Autumn lined the gravel paths, adding color to the grey stones and taking life from the bare trees that reached skybound. It was all peaceful, few people within the spacious and reverant graveyard, and Neil was grateful for it.
The tall man was clad in dark colors unintentionally. It suited his mood, he supposed, which was desolate at best. He wore black jeans beneath his black three-quarter coat, a grey checkered overshirt buttoned with only a slight view of his black tee beneath. His dark red hair was left down, teased by the delicate breeze that moved through the cemetary, the serenity of the place doing nothing to ease the deep lines of sadness that etched his face, making him look far older than his mere twenty five years. Grey eyes were as stormy and dark as the stones they rested upon.
The only spot of color against the man was a dozen red roses resting in the crook of his arm. Neil could only stare at the headstones in front of him, his mind in a state of disarray. It had been a year since he'd lost his wife and son, but he didn't grieve, not anymore. Life had been cruel but it had been unusually kind in the form of a blonde youth that he had left at home. He didn't know how to explain to his lover what had been lost, why Astaroth was bound to him, and so he had come to see his family by himself.
Or so he thought.
Astaroth wasn't that far away from the man, whose back was turned to her and her charge. Colorless eyes shifted down to Soah, whom she had brought for the purpose of the word she'd given her human. She was protecting him, saving him from harm...something that Neil seemed to be inflicting upon the teen without realizing it. She was going to fix it, and drink of the grief that would come thereafter.
The Prince said nothing, returning her eyes to her human. He hadn't once looked back, hadn't even sensed their presence, knowing well his mind was distracted. All that was left now was for Soah to approach him, and for Neil to reveal his purpose at a cemetary in the middle of December.
He was finally releasing his hurt, she could taste it with each day, but it was time he faced it. With a gentle touch to the blonde's shoulder, she encouraged Soah on, silent.
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 1:57 pm
He hadn't been so worried just a hour or so earlier, when he realized that Neil had left. It was unsual for Neil to go without telling him where he was going, or even that he was going, but Soah could have dismissed it this one time. He would have been content to sit on Neil's couch, Rockstar in hand, and playing some Halo 3 to wait out the time that his lover was gone. But, in the process of retrieving his Rockstar from the fridge, Astaroth had approached him. Soah always felt... tense when she was around now, his shoulder still aching with the hurt she had inflicted upon him. The demon prince had told him that Neil would need him today, and that was all that needed to be said to make Soah compliant enough to go where ever Astaroth needed to take him.
It was why he was here.
He stood anxiously beside Astaroth, his gaze fixed upon his lover's back, sensing the sadness in the tension of his lover's shoulders. Everything around him felt... gloomy. The trees stood lifeless, hovering over them with bare, brittle branches like the veins of a hand, reaching out into the sky... but grasping nothing. He shuddered, arms wrapping around his chest to fight off the chill. He was dressed warm, with a black turtle-neck sweater, jean jacket, and a little scarf hanging over his shoulders. But, despite the warmth of his clothes, it couldn't fight off this chill he was feeling. He was cold, because his source of warmth was as cold as ice.
The young teenager jumped a little at the touch to his shoulder, indigo eyes swivelling up to meet Astaroth's. No words were spoken, but he knew what she wanted, and it went along with what he wanted to do as well. He sighed heavily, his breath visible in the cold air, and silently headed over to his lover. He didn't expect to be told why Neil was visiting a grave, and he would never ask for it. No, he could wait until the end of his days for Neil to share that piece of his life with him. He trusted that Neil would tell him one day, and that was all he needed.
Soah came up behind the taller man, arms moving to slowly wrap around his lover's torso, holding him back lightly against his chest. There was nothing demanding about the touch, it was just there for Neil, so the man could take comfort if he was seeking any of it. Soah didn't feel the need to even speak, to even ask what was going on, because all he wanted was to be there for Neil. So, he rested his cheek between his lover's shoulder-blades, trying in some small way to warm Neil up with his love.
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 2:11 pm
It had been quiet, the rattling of dead branches in the breeze, the distant chirp of birds and traffic, his own convulted thoughts to keep him company...and then there were arms around his body.
Neil would have physically jumped if surprise hadn't rooted him in spot. It took a moment for his hazy eyes to come out of his memories, to look at the limbs twined around his torso. He recognized the jacket, the brief glimpse of ring-clad hand that he saw; his shock gripped him to his core, prompting him to lift the roses on his arm and look wide-eyed to his side, where he could see a small bit of blonde curls.
"Soyah?" he croaked, his voice deep from not being used and his numbing surprise. The man turned in the circle of the teen's arms, deftly pulling Soah against his chest into a tight embrace. He didn't understand why his loved one was there, or how he'd known to come. Grey eyes looked over the cemetary as though the answer lay there, and much to his grim realization, it did. There, perched on a stone fountain like some grotesque angel, Astaroth watched with feathered wings spread wide. She was invisible now to all but him, and it came crashing onto him with awareness of why the lithe blonde in his arms was there.
Swallowing hard, he shifted the roses and looked down to Soah, feeling guilt creep into his cheeks. "Soyah," he murmured softly, a bit of warmth and life returning to his pale face. "M'love." His free hand lifted to draw delicately through the blonde curls, and taking a deep breath, he offered a small but grateful smile to the teen. "Would y'like t'meet my family?" It was a bid morbid, but he had no other way to start off with his explanation, one that he had promised Soah so long ago and that had been denied all this time. Now was as good a time as any to reveal that last part of his dark past.
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 2:29 pm
His arms were loose enough that it was easy for Neil to turn, and it was easier yet to draw Soah tight to his chest, because the teen offered no resistance. He was determined to be here solely for Neil. It didn't matter that Astaroth had brought him here, because now it was just Neil and he. He tilted his chin up from its resting spot against Neil's chest, smiling sweetly, adoringly up at the older man. "Hey." His voice was soft, as if using any large amount of volume would crack this fragile scene. He didn't want to see his lover cry, though if Neil needed to, he would be there. His arms tightened minutely around his lover, holding him back as close as Neil was holding him, returning the warmth and comfort.
He sighed softly again as he felt those fingers sift through his blonde curls, eyes drifting closed to soak in the moment of just having his lover's arms around him, and Neil's tender affection. Of course, the moment passed when his lover asked if he would like to meet his family. His eyes opened again, and he knew what Neil was talking about, leaning a little to the side to peer at the grave behind his lover. With a tender smile, he then slowly moved out of his lover's arms, walking around him to get a better view of the shaped grey stone.
His gaze was tender and sad as he knelt down in front of the grave. The teen remained motionless for a few minutes, simply staring and observing the names etched on the stone. He could bring together a small idea of who they were, and what they meant to Neil. Oddly, he didn't feel jealousy, just felt the sadness for his lover's loss. He leaned forward, reaching out to let his fingertips gingerly caress the cold stone, a sad smile upon his face.
"Could I put some of the roses down with you?" He glanced back over his shoulder and up at Neil, remaining firm in his decision to not ask for an explination. His expression, though, was the most tenderest of expressions he could express without outright sobbing.
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 2:49 pm
His throat hurt with the urge to voice so many things, but no words fell past his lips as Soah moved out of his arms and towards the family gravestone. Neil could only stand still as the teen looked over the names, feeling his heart swelling with love for the blonde at his soft question. The man turned and kneeled between two graves, turned slightly towards the larger stone; he plucked four roses from the dozen and gave the rest to Soah. When his words started, they were soft, devoid of sadness and spoken with love.
"My ma and pa, Aislinn and Seamus." He extended his hand, rough fingers drawing over the etched names that were weathered; they'd been gone for some time. "My baby brother, Lucas." The fingers continued their trail, the name not as worn but still faded. "e' would 'ave loved ye. 'e was nae much older than ye..." Neil didn't finish the statement; it went without saying. He withdrew three of the roses in his grasp and laid them upon the grassy surface, speaking soft words in his mother tongue of well wishes and reassurances; it was habit more than religious, to calm himself more than those passed.
"I give them three roses each, t'stand for th'family. And this..." He turned to the grave next to it, resting the last rose slowly to the grass, head turned from Soah. His eyes ran over the names, practically new, barely having been touched by the elements. "...Elise and Neil Junior." Broad shoulders sagged, fingers drawing over the persistant stalks of grass that grew there. "A year te th'day. I just...wanted them t'know, I was doing well. That I'd been taught 'ow t'love again, an' t'say good bye, properly. I 'adn't...been able t'let them go, but ye 'elped me find me again, th'strength y'think I 'ave. Three roses..."
Neil slowly turned to look back at Soah, his smile faint and uncertain. He didn't know how the blonde would manage the news of everyone there beneath them, everyone he'd loved beneath two cold stones. A small part of him felt lighter, however, as though a great deal of weight had been lifted, constricting his throat; he was scared of what Soah would think and feel, but relieved the rest of the puzzle had been revealed. There was only one piece left, and that one would not be seen for many years to come, fortified in the visage of a fallen Prince from Heaven watching over them.
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 3:13 pm
He gingerly cradled the roses in the crook of his arm, his body leaning lightly against Neil's for what little bit of comfort that touch could provide the older man. His gaze deviated between the roses, his lover's face, and the gravestones standing solemnly before them. It was hard to think, let alone say anything, so he sat in silence, soaking in everything his lover was saying to him. His eyes trailed over the names as they were spoken to him, smiling sadly when he begun to realize that... everyone really close to Neil, related by family, was gone. He was sure Neil didn't have any other close relatives, and so he was beginning to feel the scope of his lover's pain... and it hurt to know that he couldn't do much about it, and that in all of his time not knowing, Neil was suffering.
He gently pulled six roses from the bunch Neil had given to them, and laid them gently on top of the three that Neil had placed at his family's grave. Fingers caressed the dark petals for a few moments before his touch returned to his lover's arm, gentle and loving. As Neil turned to the other grave, Soah's body followed, molding loyally against Neil's side. His heart ached, a short, stabbing pain followed by an aftermath of sadness and more pain. Neil had... had...
The roses dropped into his lap, Soah moving to almost violently wrap his arms around Neil's body, face burying into his lover's arms, because he wanted so badly to cry for Neil, to cry for his lover's pain and losses, something he did not really know, and thus did not know how to handle or deal with. Sniffling in a futile attempt to stem his tears, he grabbed three roses for Elise, placing them gingerly in front of the gravestone. With the last two roses in hand, he reached out to softly hold his lover's hand with the remaining rose, moving to put the flowers down in front of the grave for Little Neil with his lover.
"I..." He didn't know what to say, his voice sounding croaked and raw. So he let it die off, instead moving to again bury himself against Neil's arm, holding himself tight to his lover.
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 4:54 pm
There was a bittersweet feeling that came with watching his loved one grieve for those he'd never met. Neil's heart expanded painfully with the soft and sorrowful features on Soah's face, an expression there for his family...one that, had things not been different, he may not be with the young man he loved right then. It was a horrible thought, but he was so happy to have the blonde in his life, he couldn't grieve himself for the path that had lead him there. It had made him who he was, someone Soah loved, and that was good enough.
His throat constricted as the young man practically bowled him over in an attempt to be close, lacing one arm around Soah's shoulders to hold him tightly against himself, his free hand curling in the grass helplessly. Something in his softened and broke when Soah helped him put the last roses down for the son he never knew; he turned and embraced the teen in full, holding him tightly, burying his face into the golden curls he knew so well. A weak smile pulled at his lips at the stuggled word, his own voice thick and muffled, "It's okay, m'love. We're 'ere now, and that's what counts. We'll be okay, ye an' I."
A single tear loosed from his misty eyes, disappearing into his lover's tresses. "Thank ye for coming," he whispered softly, and not a single word passed his lips beyond that. His throat was constricted with emotions of utmost joy that Soah had accepted his sorrowful past, had even grieved for him, as Neil himself had never properly grieved any of his family's passing. Enough time had passed that he had healed, and now he could properly bid his deceased wife and son farewell and be at ease, he could move forward with the new life he had created with Soah.
He wasn't going to let go of this one, not for all the world. If anything should try to take him from Neil, there wasn't a force in heaven or hell that would spare them his wrath.
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Posted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 12:00 pm
He didn't know how to express the sadness he was feeling for his lover, and for the family his lover had lost, other than crying. But still, he tried valiantly not to, in the case that it triggered Neil's own sadness (which Soah was beginning to believe Neil was handling much better than he was). His slim shoulders shook as Neil's arm carm around him, his body pressing close to the warmth of his lover's to fight off the chill of the season, and the chill brought on by his little grief. It was much better for him when Neil turned around to embrace him in full. Soah's arms moved to wrap around Neil more tightly, underneath the man's lengthy jacket. His head tucked in underneath Neil's chin, and he did his best to fight back that ever-increasing urge to sob.
He was comforted and soothed by his lover's words, because he could honestly believe them. He knew they were true. There could be no doubting the sincerity of them, and the way he felt. "Yeah... we will." His voice was sore, words ushered through a constricting, tight throat. With a shaky breath, his hand extended up to stroke Neil's cheeks, warmed fingers brushing over the slightly cold skin. He could be satisifed with this, just touching. It was the one thing he was sure he could live off of and not go insane from lacking everything else.
"I... wanted to come. To be here with you." He whispered the words, too busy cherishing how close Neil was to really pay attention to the conversation. He was glad he had swallowed down his fear of Astaroth and came with her to the cemetary... because now all of this was out in the open, and it was such a great relief, and he was here for Neil, here to swallow the pain the man could not swallow for himself. "I love you."
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Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 10:42 am
It was true: Neil had never really dealt with the losses he had suffered. The passing of his parents had been hard, but he had been strong for his brother. When he had passed, the man had been utterly devestated, leaving his home country to be with the only family he'd had then, namely Brad and his sister. Nothing in the world, not all the loss possible, could have prepared him for the death of his wife and unborn son. It was the last one that had left him so devoid of joy and life, that had finally driven him just mad enough to summon a demon.
Yet here, in his tight embrace, this young man who had never met those who were gone was grieving for their loss. It made the older man feel somewhat ashamed to have never properly given into his pain, not even to say good bye. As Soah trembled and sniffled in his arms, he felt the sting of tears in his eyes, but he knew they wouldn't fall again. He had come to finally say good bye, because the blonde tucked so close to him had given him the strength to finally face his own dark self. It was thanks to the teen against him that he had finally snapped out of his self-pity and found something worth moving forward for.
He buried his lips into the curly blonde locks beneath his chin, kissing Soah's head softly, hand circling his back soothingly, comforted by the warm fingers against his cool cheek. "I love ye, Soyah," he murmured into the blonde hair, hugging him closer. He hadn't known how to approach the young man on the subject of all that was gone, but this had worked out for the best; understanding was met, peace was had, and it was through no effort of his own.
Stormy grey eyes turned back to the fountain, resting quietly on the fallen angel perched atop the stone surface. Neil watched the Prince, who watched him with equal intensity, her face betraying nothing. He wasn't sure how he felt about having to be grateful to her of all beings, but he would give credit where it was due.
She would take the credit, fully. With her angelic wings spread widely from her back, she watched the two humans - the two Sins - find solace in one another. It was a strange thing these humans shared, all of them, their 'feelings' and 'emotions' that made them so fallible, but it was important that her human had the strength he'd need for what was to come. Not only would he need it to get through the terms of their contract, but he would need to grow as a Sin to fulfill his obligation as Akedia.
Of course, surviving the contract would be up to him. He would have to find the course to take to survive her, but if she had to give him a little push, a little direction, she would. Astaroth considered all the options available to her, and was momentarily content that she would help the human bound to her. It wasn't out of kindness, compassion or even fondness, not at all. She had her agenda.
He would pay for it.
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