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I have fallen again. It feels like a pit with no light, no air, and no one. Everyone walks above me and does not notice. The pit is bottomless and I fall more. I need someone to stretch out their hand now from above or I am done for. There is no one. No one will come. I cry as I fall and I hit the rock bottom with an ice cold jerk. It only hurts now. I lie there and cry all alone. I do not want anyone there; they will not understand. Yet, I am lonely. Maybe they know I do not want anyone there and they hid themselves. No one even bothers trying to help. Maybe I am so far beneath them that I am invisible.

He told me of his faults and his annoyances. He didn't ask for my help. He didn't cry. He didn't care. He won't ever care. I once loved him more than a friend. Now I don't want that, but he constantly finds a way to break my heart again and again. The pain. The agony. Someone make is stop please! I cannot take it anymore! I would rather be dead. I do not want to go to my activity, though nothing will change if I don't. Life will go on and everyone there will not notice my absence. There isn't anyone who wants just me anymore. As selfish of a thought as it is, there is no one. I cry. I hate crying. Crying is worthless and it only brings pity. The only thing I have close to friendship from others is pity. I am not admired nor thought of. No one actually wishes I was there although I am always wishing they were here. Everything I do is worthless and I cannot help him. There my thoughts go again. Back to him. Even if I did still love him, that would only let him win. He would only yell at me more. It would only hurt more … if I admitted it. It hurts enough now and as much as I distaste romance, there is no one there filling the gap. There is no one there comforting me. My hands are cold and they won't warm. Dry tears roll silently down my cheeks. I hate everything about him, but I shouldn't hate. No matter what I do, he will find fault in it and crush my heart again. I only wish I could not let myself be hurt by it. I only wish there was someone there. I only want to be held again. Not by him. He told me again he liked another girl: a very close friend of mine. Of course she already knew and didn't want to date him. It wasn't because she didn't like him. She thought I would hate her. That just burns the worst. That someone would think that of me. How could I have been so stupid??? Why do I have to be the way I am??? I HATE MYSELF!!!

There isn't a point. I can always go on complaining and no one will come. I will lie at the bottom of this pit naked and watch as other ahead pass by. The occasional bystanders that see will only laugh at my misfortune. I don't want to tell anyone now. They will think less of me and feel that pity. I never want to be pitied. I never want to cry. My chest hurts as I breathe and although it scares me, I wish I would die. I won't exaggerate. People will care: my parents, my siblings and those few friends. The principal at school would make some crappy ceremony and all so the school can always remember whom I wasn't. I will just curl up and die at the bottom of this pit.

i know your situation. i had been clinically depressed for about 3 years.
but, suicide statistically affects 16 people directly, and 54 people indirectly, no matter how small it may seem.

friends don't come to you. you must go and make the people who talk to you friends. and pain is a part of life, it allows us to see the good better for what it is.

wow.... Glass Cat.... That actually made me physically cry in real life.... Not just because of the caring devotion.... but because I came into this guild this night to make a thread of my own... one VERY similar to this one.... Today something happened to me that made me feel just like kaidako... maybe not as badly, but bad enough...

kaidako... though we may not be able to see you face to face, you are never alone. Our Savior will always be there with you (and the rest of us *tear* ) please, as vettemaster3 said. Let us climb out of this pit together, and as Glass Cat said, with the Savior helping us the whole way.

Thanks. Maybe I will sometime 3nodding

(Sorry, I didn't read all of it cause I'm in a hurry) I have a few things to say though.

I know how that feels. I feel like that so much. I'm going for counseleing to get on medicine cause I have depression. I burst out crying for no reason, feel worthless, feel guilty for the stupidest of things, ect. I know its hard and you want someone to help but you also just want to crawl into a corner and fall out of the world. My suggestion, talk to a doctor and see if you can get on medication or counselling for depression. Also, if you are in a huge dip, ask for a Priesthood blessing. They really help. And try your best to find someone who really will help and talk to you when you need it, and give you love, encouragement and hugs. I wish I could be nearer to help but I can't. Also, try praying. Its something that really works because He is always there for you and knows what is going on for you. I'm not the best at that but I know it helps if you just give it a try and read your scriptures. Try to get over that hump and do these things. It may not permanently fix things but it will get you through for the time being. I hope you feel better and get what you need. Remember you have friends here you can always talk to. *hugs* heart

to all:

now its my turn to plead for help. did you ever feel like everything that set out to accomplish was doomed to fail? and not that type of failure that you can quickly get over. i mean the type of failure that just seems to compound itself untill all you feel like doing is going to find a nice dark room and just fade away so that no one else has to but up with the heartache and suffuring that you seem to be causing them.

this is how i feel. everthing that i have ever wanted for myself is just slipping through my fingers. i have hand some morality issues that ive been coping with for FIVE YEARS!!! my entire high school experience was filled with d's and f's. the list could continue for about 4 pages. i look at my life and all i see is failure. i can't rember anything but failure. i know that there have been small success here and there, but they just can't make up for all the other things that i have totally, utterly, FAILED!!!!!