[PRP] Bruised or Broken Heart? (Neve & Marius)

[Sayuri_Nitta]

Neve could remember it as though it had just happened..though it had been weeks in reality. Marius's expression, the coldness of his words. Even now it wounded her worse than when her mother had made Neve her personal kicking bag.

What had hurt her the most was that she still loved him, and she wanted to see him. She had promised herself that this would never happen, she would never stumble down the same rocky road that her mother had done, but history seemed to be repeating itself.

She was standing now by the Lake, looking listlessly across the expanse of water, seeing but not paying particular attention to any movement around it. If it wasn't for her children...they had been the only thing anchoring her to her life, and for them she had forced herself to eat, though she'd grown thinner as she was only taking in the bare minimum. For her family she lied, and went through the motions, but here on her own. It was hard just breathing.  

[`raze]

This was exactly what he wasn't supposed to do.

Running away from Neve when she needed him... All because of his stupidity and selfishness... He was an imitation of his father when he left Cosette to fend for herself and three children. That was the bud that blossomed into contempt towards Twilight for the young Marius, who at the time took care of his mother the best he could. But Neve wasn't even that round when he took off... He didn't know what to think. Neve had always been a strong and even stronger-willed mare. She didn't need him that much... Did she?

The repressed memory of Izusa came up to bite him, and the stallion shook his head to clear the thought. She had to be okay... But what about the foals? Were they born yet? Would they hold the same contempt for him in which he held his own father? At least he couldn't blame them.

But... he couldn't be that bad, could he? He was coming back. He was going to raise his kids and help take care of the mare that he so dearly loved and yet betrayed. The guilt pulled at his heart more than anything else. Why was it that whenever she was pregnant he threw a fit like a foal?

The dark stallion's ponderings came to an abrupt stop however, when he spotted the dark crimson colored mare. He has been mentally yelling at himself to much to even recognize the rosy scent. At first glance however, it took him a bit to even recognize her. From the treeline he could see how thin she was... Like she hadn't been eating. And her tummy wasn't round... So the kids were probably born. He swallowed hard at the thought.

It was evident that he had pained her much when he ran off. Marius grimaced at first, unsure of whether or not talking to her now would be good for either of them. His hooves had a mind of their own however, and he quietly and slowly walked from the treeline, his bi-colored eyes watching her carefully.

"Neve..."

 

[Sayuri_Nitta]

Neve stiffened, and then trembled, even her wingtips shook. She turned slowly around from the water and stared at the stallion. This was a dream wasn't it? Or a delusion thrown up by her heart, that clutched so much at thoughts of Marius that it had made him appear..he wasn't there.

'You're not really there.' she said finally, faintly.
'I cried for you, and you never came. I gave birth to our children, and told them how good a father you were, that you were out making sure our home was safe..and you never came.'
Neve carried on speaking to him as if he weren't really there.

'I missed you. I loved you. But you never came. Marius..' she stared at the 'apparition'.
'Why didn't you come? All I did was love you. All I did was carry your children.' her head dropped, as yet she'd not even realised that the air carried his scent to her.  

[`raze]

Her words stunned him. How could she... Oh, of course. She hadn't been eating, perhaps not even sleeping well... And raising foals on her own? She had been depriving herself of good health all because of him. So now she thought he was an apparition... At least she was talking to him, right?

His heavy hooves made a beeline for her however, and he only stopped when he was maybe two feet away. He made sure each step was slow and careful as he assessed her, trying to gage if she would turn into Izusa and snap at him. She however, up close, looked beautiful, even though she was sad and broken.

If his heart could sink any lower, it would have.

"I'm really here, Neve," he said quietly, trying to catch hold of her gaze, "I missed you too. And I loved you. I love you. But I'm not fit for you, do you undersand?" His voice nearly cracked as he put emphasis on this. Maybe she'd awaken from this trance of hers and kick him or bite him for putting her in such distress. "Because if I really was right for you, whenever you called for me I would've been there. But look! Actually look," he pleaded touching his nose to hers gently, "I must be here, right? I came when you weren't calling for me. I am here. For you, for the kids." His brow furrowed as he stared into her eyes, trying to get thorugh to her.

"But I want to be right for you so badly. But you know it for yourself, that I have problems committing, to being tied down... Or so I used to. That I'm selfish... That's why I'm here. I want to make things work." His pleas became a little more desperate, his nose to hers the entire time.

"Please, at least recognize I'm here."

 

[Sayuri_Nitta]

'You don't love me, you left me.' Neve said in a broken voice, moments before the warm touch of his nose against hers. His scent filled her nostrils, her eyes rounding as so many feelings flooded her. She tried to listen to his words over the buzz of her own thoughts but it was hard.

'Marius?' she ventured, looking into his eyes, his pretty bi-coloured eyes that she had often lost herself in. It was him. But it wasn't him. No, her delusions weren't lingering but his words. It was as if he was returned anew. Her heart ached though; the abandonment had hurt so much - she was furious, elated, sick, sad and confused all at once.

'It's you?'
There wasn't much else she could say yet, couldn't even begin to respond to everything he'd said until it had sunk in that he really was standing in front of her, his nose pressed to hers.  

[`raze]

The realization in her voice brought a sigh of relief from the stallion as he looked back into her soft pink eyes, eagerly nuzzling her nose yet gently. He was glad it didn't take much to bring her out of her mesmerization, and he was even happier she recognized he was actually there. But her words hurt him, and he was quick to rebuke them: "I do love you. When I left you... I was being selfish. I didn't think of you at all. But the whole time I was gone, my mind was on you and the kids..."

He moved his nose away from hers to get a better look at her sullen face. "I'm so happy to see you. I really am!" A light laugh broke through his voice, flicking his tail towards her. But his eyes scanned her appearance out of concern, before looking back to her solemnly. "When did you... Eat last, Neve? Where are the kids?"  

[Sayuri_Nitta]

For the moment anger won out, anger injected with a huge dollop of all the hurt she had felt when he'd run off and left her standing there with his mother, pregnant and utterly confused as to what exactly she'd done wrong other than telling him about their new arrivals at slightly the wrong moment.

'How? How can you stand there and say you love when you spoke to me the way you did and then just left me!? How..' she couldn't go on as her voice broke.

'Home..safe. Maharet is watching them..' Neve managed to speak again as the burst of fury fizzled out again. She really was too tired, not enough energy to really lay into him.

'I don't remember when I ate last..' the mare let out a long sigh, raising her eyes to meet his.
'So you're home. And you've worked it all out, your issues or whatever. I'm supposed to forgive you..to forget and move on.'
Neve ached for him, yearned to fall against her mate and curl up in security, in his warmth. She tired of hurting, but it still did.  

[`raze]

Even though she was angry with him, he found relief in that. So she was still herself. Malnourished for sure, but at least she was fine mentally. He stood quietly as she vented, though he could tell it wasn't fullforce, but she had time. Knowing Maharet was watching them didn't necessarily make him feel better. Their daughter was skittish... He hoped they weren't wearing her nerves even more.

"That's exactly the opposite of what I expect from you, actually." He said matter-of-factly, looking over her head as he avoided her hurt eyes, "I want you to hate me, and scorn me, and despise my very being. Because it was an absolute sin to even do this to you and our family. I became what I hated as a foal - my own father." The words bit at him as he spoke them, but it was true. He however was quick to nuzzle his nose against her neck, talking quieter in a deliberate manner.

"If you don't want me here, tell me to leave. I won't however until you're in better health and the kids have a father. But I swear, to make it up to you and keep from paining you again, I'll leave as soon as the kids are grown and you're healthy."  

[Sayuri_Nitta]

Neve had reservations about leaving her newest children with their older sister herself, but she'd had no choice. To always keep a brave face on, a smile on her lips when all the time she felt like crying was tiring, and so Maharet had been applied to for babysitting duties. Their home was near Guilian's, so at any trouble she could take them there.

'Good.' she replied with as much ice as she had energy to muster, determined to make him pay, though she also wanted to erase the last few months, to be as they were before. She didn't know how though, and in her heart she was worried that this change he had gone through was just fleeting, and that something else would in the future make him flee.

'I've wanted to hate you, all this time I knew I should hate you. I just missed you.'
At his nose press against her neck she wanted to cry out 'Don't!'and to push him firmly away. Her resolve crumbled, scattered like ashes and she pressed against him. There would be time to scold him, to speak to him about their tentative future together but for now..

'Marius, I missed you so much.' she tucked her thin nose underneath his chin, wanting to just feel him against her, his strong steadiness against her frailty.