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 Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 5:08 pm
Im so tired of my life and im tired of cutting. Lets take it a step further and DIE already!
My life is super sucking lately and everyone just compares their life to mine becaus etheir life is worse. Well, my house is dirty and smells and my dad is depressed and i am the only one who ever cleans anything anymore basically. And even when i do clean, about 3 days later everything is a peice of s**t again. I come home form school exhausted so i don't have time to just clean and clean and clean all the ******** time but my dad doesn't realize that and im like, really sad. I go to other people's houses (mom and Alyssa) to take showers and hang out because our gas got shut off and there's nothing we can do about it. We're poor and have no money all the time cuz my dad spends 5-15 dollars a day on alcohol and it's wasting out money. I feel disgusting and gross on the inside and the outside, but i try to hide those feelings. The times i spend at my mom's, i usually end up crying at night becasue i just don't know what t d o anymore. I hardly have many close friends, i never make my parents proud and even when i do, all the crap about me just makes up for it and i feel very unloved. I hate my damn house, i just want the damn thing to catch on fire. i want everything to burn and i am sad because my dad is so depresssed and i feel, NO I KNOW everything IS my fault. I am really thnking about killing myself.
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Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 10:30 am
Heya.
How old are you? Perhaps you could try to talk to your mum about all this, or someone at school. It sounds as if you need someone who can give you support face to face. Its important to remember that it is not your fault. Is it possible for you to live with your mum?
loves
iFairy
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Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 6:30 pm
No, hon, please don't hurt yourself.
First, it looks to me like you need to get out of the environment you're in. See if you can't move in with your mother or a friend. If nothing else, call up CPS. I know it sounds scary and like an uphill battle, but you can do it, and you'll feel better about it later.
Talk to a friend. Any friend. Vent, rage, cry, whatever. Let go of your emotions. Even on one of us. My door (and most of the crew's) is always open.
Find something calming to do. Try painting or working with wood. I found that acting is a great outlet for me.
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