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How many is too many?

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How many kids do you plan on having?
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Mara in Wonderland

PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:14 pm


How many kids do you plan on having?

Can you have TOO many kids? For example, the Dugger family on TLC. They have 17 children and another on the way. Meanwhile, their oldest son has just gotten married. Is there too many children or is there too big an age gap? Would having an aunt or uncle the same age as you be odd, or having a sibling the same age as your child? I guess this would be more common in bigger families. (I still go 18 kids...OMG.....you'd be pregnant for so long in your life. I think that many kids would put too much responsibility on me and I wouldn't be able to handle the need for organization and the stress.)

Do you believe that bigger families are as good at raising children as smaller families? Can the focus really be placed on each individual child or would it be better because everyone would never have to be alone if they didn't want to?

3nodding
PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:34 pm


I guess I should say that I'd like 3, maybe 4 kids. I don't know if that counts as a lot of kids though. For some people, I think 4 is when it becomes "too many". It must be because you had an accident or something.

I think bigger families are fine and that people should have as many kids as they would like. This often comes with the argument, but they can't support that many kids and give them all them best things in life. What really do kids have to have to make them good, healthy kids? Do they NEED a nintendo DS? There are a lot of "essentials" that I thinks kids can get by just fine without. I think most big families use whatever means they have to give their kids what they need to become happy, well adjusted adults; just like any other family, be it small, blended, or any other type of family.

Mara in Wonderland


Lee Knover

PostPosted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 10:22 pm


My wife and I have four kids. Two of them were planned, the other two were just oops! I wouldn't change that though.

I think good parenting doesn't matter if the family is big like theirs or small with one or two children. Because I think, from what I saw about the Duggers, they are very good parents. Where as my son's best friend, his mom has him and two daughters, she is a terrible parent. She relies on Austin's dad to raise her two daughters while she sits on her a** doing nothing. And he buys them everything. Probably out of guilt.. I dunno.

The newest game system we have is a Super Nintendo lol My kids get by just fine playing that when they get to. We try to do our best and give them what they need: warm clothes, a warm bed, food, a place to live...

We try to be good parents and hope they turn out better than we did.
PostPosted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 5:52 pm


I agree, it's not really the family size that determines if the parents will be good, but the parents themselves. I think you have to be proactive. You can't just sit and do nothing and expect someone else to deal with your problems and your kids.

I think a lot of people though limit themselves child-wise because they want to give their kids more. I don't think having more kids means you can really give your kids a worse life. It seems like it's how you, as a parent act around your kids and not what you can afford to buy them that really matters.

Mara in Wonderland


EmeraudeCephiro

PostPosted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 5:17 pm


I was from a family of 5, my brothers were 12 and 14 when I was born and my Mom and Dad were 40. I don't want that to happen to me.

I plan on having 3-4 kids, but no more than 5. I don't think I could handle it. I am all for spacing my kids, but I don't want them like...10 years apart.

I think having 17 kids is ridiculous. Good for her to be blessed with good fertility, but it shoves in the face for those who can't have babies.
PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 1:13 am


My love and I honestly DO want 12-13.

My roommate is the oldest of 12 and her family functions just fine, kids are loved, have individual attention, everything they need...it CAN work.

@EmeraudeCephiro: She can have as many kids as she wants/can handle. I don't believe it's shoving it in anyone's face to have the number of kids you want. Am I horrible, then, for wanting the large number that I do?

Diet Poison

Heroic Mage


Mara in Wonderland

PostPosted: Sun Nov 23, 2008 11:00 am


I think that having as many children as you like is fine. I do think you should be able to afford to feed 17 children though if you have that many. I think it's the parents who either make families work well or not. (e.x. spending money on drugs or gambling and not on food and shelter)

I think if you intentionally criticized families that could not have children, then that would be another matter altogether. That's just being mean and cruel. I don't think most people are like that though. It might be difficult though for those who can't have children to understand why some people have the ability to have so many children while they cannot.
PostPosted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 9:11 am


I've heard about the Duggar family and personally I think that is too many kids. They're getting ready to have number 18. I can't imagine that each child would get the individual attention that they deserve. But as long as they can afford to have that many kids, that's the main issue. (And from what I've seen, they're doing pretty good.)

My hubby and I don't have a set number of children in mind. I know that I would consider 3 or 4. My hubby would be happy with 5 or 6. All depending on our finances at the time and everything.

Lady Catalina


delicatedisarray

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2008 5:08 pm


I think a family can have to many kids. I think the number also varies from family to family. To many is when you can not support your kids, when you can not give each child the love and attention he or she needs, when you become a burden on your community, etc. If your older children are doing more of the child rearing than you are, that is to many. I do not know the Duggar family (although I had someone ask me today if I did, just because I'm from Arkansas -yes, I know everyone in the state rolleyes ) but from what I've seen in interviews and what not I feel they have to many children. I also don't agree with what the preach. They are not as debt free/secure as they say. They don't pay property taxes because they got their home classified as a church, they whored their children out on television to pay for their lifestyle, they expect their community to take care of them (this is the perception I get from what I have seen and read). I don't want to attack the family, they seem like nice people. But is all seems greedy and unbalanced to me.

My husband is from a large family, there are six kids besides him. I've seen the good things that have come from having a large family. I've also seen the bad. My aunt has 12 children, each of them have multiples, and some of those children do too (I have to get to third cousins to find people my age!). I've seen the neglect hurt them. My aunt has one child in prison, one in rehab, one who crippled himself trying to kill him self, one who doesn't speak with her at all, and one trying to sue her. The others are still ok with her I think, but I'm not sure.

There needs to be balance. I don't think two people can fully care for that many children. Take a look at day cares, you are required to have more care givers in a room with that many kids. Even the state recognizes that a large amount of children need a large amount of attention. Not just to keep them out of trouble, but to nurture them.
PostPosted: Mon May 18, 2009 9:27 pm


I think as long as they can take care of all those kids then let them have as many as they want. Personally I can only handle 2 or 3 of my own so... yah. You won't see me with more than 3 kids.

Gypsys Heart

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