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 Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 5:22 pm
Hi,
I was watching a program about Purity and waiting for your marriage to have sex. Did you wait? I know that I had planned to wait until I was married. Well, as it turns out I did wait until I met the man I knew I was going to marry.
In the show, it was a bit like a virginity pledge. A bit more though as those the girls planned to date had to get permission to get to know them from their fathers. This could be refused too. It gave examples of this working out for one girl and how she was married. It also gave another example of one who got pregnant, almost had to marry the father, miscarried and is now in her late 20s and living with her boyfriend of almost 2 years and who's parents don't associate with her because she wasn't "pure".
It really did seem though that the ones who followed this purity ball thing got married awfully quickly, I'm talking about knowing the other person 2 months. There was more than one example too.
Does not having sex make it harder on a relationship? What are your thoughts?
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Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 8:36 pm
Sex can strenghen a relationship, but a relationship needs a lot more than just an hour or more of physical activity. I believe staying "pure" is a myth, staying a virgin until your married is possible. I equate purity to being pure of mind and spirit, not whether or not you can keep your legs together. And what couple doesn't day dream of their other doing something fantastically erotic for them? It's completely natural to crave sexual attention. But, the relationship can't be built around sex. It wont work. Sex isn't strong enough to keep both parties happy with a relationship in the long run.
I would wait in a long-term relationship to have sex. That way, it's more about you and your ideals, and not you and your panties.
And, I would NEVER let my father decide who I was going to date. >>;; Or my mom for that matter. My decision who I fiddle around with. Not yours. Neenerneenerneener.
Oh and um, I knew my husband for one month before we got married. And were married six months later. Wohooo. No sex during engagment. ^_^ We did it!
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Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:05 pm
I think that as long as you respect yourself and your decisions, it is the right decision for you at that time.
I know I wanted to wait just because I never even really wanted to have sex with anyone I dated (safe to say, they did not all feel the same way). I know when I told Mal, he respected that I had chosen to wait and let me know that he would wait until I was ready. (Yes, Mal had already had sex before he met me.) While some people had made me feel guilty or embarassed about not having sex or being a virgin, I found someone who respected my decision. I think that as long as your partner respects you and your decision/beliefs, it will be fine.
Lol, I didn't mean to imply that having a short meeting time before marriage was bad. It just seemed in the show like all the girls met their husbands and then immediately planned their marriages (did not have sex or touch at all during this time. This included holding hands or kissing) I just wondered if not having sex maybe made you focus more on getting to know the individual without physical distractions (not that I'm sure they don't ever think some kind of touching-y though....unless I guess they didn't.)
(I really hope I don't offend anyone. I really don't mean to if I do)
3nodding
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Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:06 pm
Lol. I guess they didn't touch themselves to wait. That happens a lot over here in Utah. With all the christians here, it's such a taboo to have sex before your married. So fancy that, a lot of girls meet the man of their moment and marry them the next week. Divorce shortly follows two months later.
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Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 2:49 pm
I guess that's the real difference between the two, even though they seem similar.
There's marrying so you can have to have sex with your chosen person
AND
there's waiting to have sex until you are married.
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Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 5:19 pm
I didn't wait until I married to have sex, but I waited until I knew who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life to have sex. I was ready. I was loved. I knew he was the one for me, and is now my husband. I've only ever had sex with him, and he only with me. So it was even more special on our wedding night, we knew exactly what each other loved and wanted, and had the night of our lives.
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Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:43 pm
biggrin That's awesome, Emeraude. You two are so cute too!! I love yer siggie.
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Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 12:33 am
My wife and I didn't wait. And she wasn't my only partner.
I guess I felt the need to see what else was out there? Or maybe I was just being stupid. With her, it's always been more enjoyable and more meaningful.
We've gone months without having sex, partly due to stress and new medications, so we actually learned of other ways to express ourselves and got by just fine.
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Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 6:34 pm
Lee Knover My wife and I didn't wait. And she wasn't my only partner. I guess I felt the need to see what else was out there? Or maybe I was just being stupid. With her, it's always been more enjoyable and more meaningful. We've gone months without having sex, partly due to stress and new medications, so we actually learned of other ways to express ourselves and got by just fine. Well said :0) I totally agree ...
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Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 1:05 am
I didn't wait, but I don't regret it.
Sex isn't that important to me, which is why I guess I don't regret it at all.
The emotional aspects are so much more important than the physical.
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Posted: Sun Nov 23, 2008 11:03 am
I think it's really a personal decision. I don't think it's a bad thing at all to have sex before marriage. I think if that's the choice you make, than I support that too. The same decisions don't work for everyone, nor should they have to.
I know if I had had sex with any of my previous boyfriends because they wanted to, I would have regretted it, because I knew it wasn't something I really wanted. I did choose to have sex before marriage with Mal, and although that's not something I had planned, I do not regret it, not do I think I ever would.
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Posted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 9:06 am
Yes, I had sex before marriage. Even now, I don't think that it's right. I justify my own actions because I married the only man I ever slept with. It really made our relationship difficult, though. We almost called it quits thousands of times. (Simply because we both believe that sex before marriage is wrong.) It hurt my relationship with God, too. The only good thing that came from it was our little girl who I had before we got married.
I'm inclined to think that sex is okay before marriage if it's with the one you truly love. (One person, not several.) I am so glad that my first time was with my future husband. And I can't imagine experiencing that thing with a man and not marrying him.
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Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 9:48 am
I had planned on waiting until I was married to have sex and was doing really well until I met the man who became my husband. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and he felt the same with me. Our first time having sex we were already basically engaged. We knew we were going to get married but didn't know how or when.
I think waiting till your married is a good thing to try and shoot for, but not if you're just going to get married to someone you're not so sure about just so you can have sex.
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