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Every bit of happiness I get.. even the slightest smile I give... It gets me more s**t.
I don't know what to do with my self now.
Last night, I was happy. I was stoned and drunk with my old friends from Art.
It was a typical -Alex having fun night.
Casper spent all my money on booze, while waiting outside the shop for him, I had 5 cars pull over thinking I was a prostitute. >.>

But yeah .... Ended up dancing with Jess and suki all night =]

Then today, Sam tells me he's not going to come to hospital..
first sting. Luckily Joe said he'd come so I'd have support...
Sam's reason being he wanted a day off. Also a sting.. but I shrugged it off..

Next he tells me he's going out with Bean.. okay.. I hadn't took it in fully all day.
I realized I felt sick. I didn't know why...
At work it dawned on me.. it was that.

Bean... >.>

I told my ... Daniel and other Daniel because I didn't want to tell the friends that know him well... Hazel would probably scratch his face off.
>.<

Daniel, doesn't know bean.. so he just said ouch...

Other Daniel, he laughed and told me that I should feel better because she's a "attention seeking whore who'd ******** her own dad if it would get her noticed," But it doesn't make me feel better, I don't want him to be with Bean. I don't trust her, in fact she's close to the level of the one person I can say I hate.
Daniel also said it is probably him trying to hurt me. /=
And I don't know how to take this I wanna' curl up in a corner and cry.
I've never been hurt like this before.


My mum asked me what I expected, I expected him to find someone better. Not someone like her.

I mean I know it's his choice. But.. Even if I wasn't with Sam before.. Infact anyone I would tell them to stay away from Bean. She's trouble.

I used to think of her as a friend, but now I can't see her as a friend. I can't see her as a person, honestly.. more like a small child. Which may be a harsh judgment.
But it's mine.

I'm not perfect. I'm a b***h. So don't listen to what I say, she's probably the nicest person you'll ever meet, it's just me and my friends misunderstand her and now can't trust a word she says.