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 Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 10:11 am
(This is from an email I just sent to Young Gay America... it's a good magazine! Read it!)
I'm 16 year old high school senior, about to take on life on my own...as soon as I get my college applications in. But right now I don't know how I'm going to make it through this year. I've been in an internet/long distance relationship with another girl for 9 months (we've known each other for four years though) and when I told my parents in April they both freaked out. They calmed down a little when I met her at an anime convention in June and then once again for tea in September when I was in her town.
Even though they know I have a girlfriend my parents are still in denial. My conservative dad says that I am too young and influenced to know for sure and he treats "real" adult gays like he would treat any other person. He always refers to my girlfriend as my "friend" whenever she calls.
My mom is possibly even worse, she's a hypocritical liberal. If she says something about her gay friends it's fine, if I do I'm "obsessed" or "it's just a phase". If I mention gay rights she tells me to focus on more important things like abortion rights. She's been trying to get me to watch some movie apparently about a lesbian who falls in love with a man (talk about passive agressive). She spent a good chunk of the summer trying to convince me that I would fall out of love and forget my girlfriend. Needless to say, that sent me crying from the house.
I really want to see my girlfriend some more this year. I want to go to a Halloween dance with her, I want to see her for her birthday/our anniversary, I want her to come to my senior prom or the gay prom a few towns over. But I'm too afraid to confront my parents!
I just don't know what to do. I feel like tearing my hair out!
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 11:19 am
neutral
Awww tulip! I had no idea that was what it's like for you... here have a cookie *hands a cookie* I'm not very good at helping people with problems like this but I can say it could be worse... You did say they freaked out but at least they didn't disown you and throw you out. Even though from the sounds of it is looks like it's praticly like that at the moment. Aww it'll be alright tulip! you'll make it! *hugs* whee
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 2:37 pm
Aww... Im sorry Tulip. (hugs you) You're parents know. They may be in denial but I say go with the flow! If you want to do those things with your girlfriend, what's stopping you? If they are going to ignore the fact that you are a lesbian, then maybe you should ignore their comments and actions that are disrespectful of your choice. Or just sit them down and have a serious conversation with them telling them how you feel. I know it's harder than it sounds (since I have not even told my parents at all yet) but once you do things may get better because they'll start to realize you're seirous and sure about who you are and who you love.
I wish you the best.
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 3:36 pm
BAKATULIP!!!! I have only this to say about you... damn we're all proud! I mean to go thru that and still not have given into the rage, you really deserve more respect than your parents give you. I know how it is, i lived for 6 month with a friend and her father and sister. I know kinda what it's like to be out on your own. But i know this for sure: you'll do damn fine! 3nodding *huggles*
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 4:15 pm
You'll do fine so long as you don't give in to their pissiness.
But if I were you- and do NOT take my advice- I'd forget them on Mother's Day and Fathers Day.
Anyway: Just stay strong, Bakatulip. You should be able to handle them.
Remember that, if anything, you've got us supporting you. mrgreen
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 6:13 pm
Thanks everyone, oh and Akurei, the one thing that stopping me is a lack of a driver's license...
I'm glad that they didn't actually throw me out or anything, which is very fortunate but.. I wish they could accept it.
My mom keeps saying it is the internet meeting part of my relationship she hates and she is "trying to be gender blind"
Although that doesn't work... I mean not to be sexist but most internet predators are MEN and I mean... I knew my lover was a girl from the beginning.
Thanks everyone for your support but I had to rant, it was... driving me nuts.
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 8:31 pm
Ohh.. yah I understand. That's why I wont tell my parents. But you're 16. If you live in the US you cant be kicked out of their house untill you're 18. So if you do live in the US, you're actually pretty lucky to be graduating early. It gives you a head start just in case.
And you know that if you need to blow off steam or need someone we're always here for you. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2005 7:32 pm
Its ok BakaTluip. You can rant if you want to. And if you ever need time off the guild you know I'm always keeping my eye on it.
I think I'm starting to slowly understand my sexuality a bit more, but I still have a hard time calling myself one thing or the other. But I hope to find out some time. But when I do, I hope I'll be strong enought like you BakaTluip-Sama to tell my parnets... or sometime once I'm out of the house.
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Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2005 9:14 pm
It's your guild and you can rant if you want to...
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:48 pm
*smiles and nods*
Yes.. I see what you mean. Parents casn be hard sometimes. I myself havent gone through it since im "strait" as some might call it. Forgive my horrible grammer but If I were you I would try and stay calm which it seems like you are doing, and take a deep breath. If your parents want to be that way then try telling them what iut feels like I cant brag about doing that because I havent but its worth a try. Usualy once parents learn how what they say affect you they change at least slightly to help make you comfortable. Inform them that They ARE NOT you and therefor cannot decide who you are.
Just to throw in my own little thought
The cromosome that decides what gender each person is looks like XX or XY. Guys are XY and girls XX. but notice that Guys are XY so therefore are part female. Which leads me to believe that males are simply Females who are a little more "Rough" as some might say. Which would show that to have some girls who like other girls is not unnatural. Also visa versa with guys liking guys. Its all part Female and the Y that Guys have just makes them slightly different. It simply means that wee are all the same gender, just differing scientifficly.
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 8:31 pm
Heh I haven't been here in a while. Doubt anyone remembers who I am. ^_^
At any rate, while I've never had to deal with this particular issue, I can only imagine how horrible it would be to have my parents disaprove of Lily. Alot of adults like to say kids don't know what love is... that we mistake it for lust or infatuation. I've experienced all three. I know the difference. And I really don't appriciate the cracks at it.
You know if you're in love or not. Your parents need to get with the picture.
Also, what exactly would you be so "influenced" by? Society as a whole still has a problem with homosexualtiy, wether we want to admit it or not...
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Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 12:44 pm
BakaTulip (This is from an email I just sent to Young Gay America... it's a good magazine! Read it!) I'm 16 year old high school senior, about to take on life on my own...as soon as I get my college applications in. But right now I don't know how I'm going to make it through this year. I've been in an internet/long distance relationship with another girl for 9 months (we've known each other for four years though) and when I told my parents in April they both freaked out. They calmed down a little when I met her at an anime convention in June and then once again for tea in September when I was in her town. Even though they know I have a girlfriend my parents are still in denial. My conservative dad says that I am too young and influenced to know for sure and he treats "real" adult gays like he would treat any other person. He always refers to my girlfriend as my "friend" whenever she calls. My mom is possibly even worse, she's a hypocritical liberal. If she says something about her gay friends it's fine, if I do I'm "obsessed" or "it's just a phase". If I mention gay rights she tells me to focus on more important things like abortion rights. She's been trying to get me to watch some movie apparently about a lesbian who falls in love with a man (talk about passive agressive). She spent a good chunk of the summer trying to convince me that I would fall out of love and forget my girlfriend. Needless to say, that sent me crying from the house. I really want to see my girlfriend some more this year. I want to go to a Halloween dance with her, I want to see her for her birthday/our anniversary, I want her to come to my senior prom or the gay prom a few towns over. But I'm too afraid to confront my parents! I just don't know what to do. I feel like tearing my hair out! *hugs* It'll be alright in the end sweety. I know it sucks right now, but you have to ask yourself; which is more important, what you are feeling, or what your mother thinks you are feeling? On a hunch, do you think perhaps that some of your mother's animosity could be coming from something that happened to her? It's quite unusual for a mother to react like that, there might be a reason you aren't aware of. (EDIT: Also, the fact that this relationship started out online might be contributing to their uneasyness. Remember, they aren't part of the tech-generation, it's foreign to them. They've been told horrible stories I'll bet.) As for the things you want to do, go ahead and do them! Perhaps explain to them that regardless of how you will turn out in the end, which is a thing nobody can really know, you know how you feel now, and you need to explore those feelings. They really do want what they think is best for you sweety, it's just a matter of showing them what that is. And remember, if it comes right down to it, and they still won't support you, you have to take care of yourself and do what you think is best for you. heart Take care.
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Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 4:47 pm
All the things I want to do though, I can't. I can't drive, therefore I can't go see her.
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Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 10:42 am
cant drive.... hmmm., you could send each other videos... It may be a bad suguestion but you can tape yourselvesand send a kind of video mail.
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Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 10:48 am
That movie about a lesbian who falls in love with a man, would that happen to be Chasing Amy?
Thats actually a very good movie. It's not about gay people turning straight, it's about not limiting your options ot who you fall in love with based on their gender.
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