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High-functioning Hellraiser
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 Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 1:21 pm
Re·gret: to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.)
Regret is an intelligent (and/or emotional) dislike for personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often felt when someone feels sadness, shame, embarrassment or guilt after committing an action or actions that the person later wishes that he or she had not done. Regret is distinct from guilt, which is a deeply emotional form of regret — one which may be difficult to comprehend in an objective or conceptual way
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Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 2:44 pm
.::Kevin Unknown::.   Gender: Male
Stage: Adult Anthro
Birthday: November 15
Age: 22
Height: 5'8
Orientation: Bi-sexual
Love interest: Ryo, my Fiance
Personality:
I would tell you about myself in a few pretty little words, but I have none. No pretty little words to say. So, I will tell you what you need to know. I am easy. Easy to hurt. Easy to anger. Easy to trick. Easy to fool. Easy to scare the s**t out of. Not so easy to make happy unless I like you or know you well enough, or if I feel you are safe to be around. I am just that easy.
I a sensitive. I have issues. I have many many problems that I know are there, buy deny even though it hurts. I have mistakes I am not proud of. I am not proud of myself in any form or manner. I hate myself for who I am. I deny myself the love part of me wants to give myself. I deny myself any self-esteem cause I know I don't need it cause I am not brave in any form or fashion. I am pathetic and hopeless. I am a loser. I don't deserve to walk to ground I stand on. I do not deserve the light of day or the moon of night. I do not deserve to eat of breathe, yet I do cause I am not suicidal.
Think what you want about me. I do not care. Scratch that. I do care, but I will not do anything about it. I will keep my hurt to myself and let is build until it eats me away and I hurt myself like I know I will do eventually.
I. Hate. Myself.
I. Am. Alone.
I. Am. Miserable. Even. If. It. Does. Not. Show.
Likes: Tea, Coffee, Hot Chocolate, Vegetable Pizza, Hoodies, Rain, Music, Thunder Storms, Parakeets, Spicy foods, Belts, The smell of Sharpies, Drawing, The Saw series, talking in French. Ryo.
Dislikes: Gun noise, Spiders, Frogs, being alone, abandonment, Gun fire, loud noises, Sea food, Pain.
Favorites:
.:: Color : Gray and Shamrock Green
.:: Times of Day : Late Night
.:: Number : 25
.:: Food : French Fries
.:: Animal : Cats
.:: Item : Lighters
.:: Activity : Lounging around, being with Ryo
.:: Word : Regret
.:: Place : Sidewalks, Home
.:: Quote : -----
RP Status: Open
RP Color: I talk in Green words.  
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 9:42 am
.::Family::.  ::Father::
What can I really say abut you? You were a great man, were, and I appriciate you trying to save me by sending me to Aunt Ophelia's, but I also hate you for it. I was fine on my own. I was fine with you never being around and staying at that old lady's place when needed. I was just fine raising myself and being alone 24/7. You have no idea how much it hurt to think you were just throwing me off and abandoning me, and I guess you never will. You will never feel my pain. I will never forgive you, and you will never forgive me. I guess it will always be that way.
::Mother::
What can I say? You were my everything; my world, and when you left it just all started to fall apart on me bit by bit, chunk by chunk. I miss you, and still think about you from time to time. Just so you know, I did find out about Erik, and now I understand why you tried so hard to avoid that part of your life, but I still wonder why you left him behind...
::Aunt Ophelia::
::Uncle Austin::
::Cousin Evan::
::Erik::
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Posted: Sun Oct 19, 2008 11:59 am
.::Friends::. ::Bo::
::Richard::
: biggrin evin::
: biggrin aveigh::
::Ginga::
::Yarrow::
::Syd::
.::Acquaintances ::.
::Calum::
::Kurai::
: biggrin ita::
::Yakir::
::Eyluf::
::Kristen::
::Sebastian::
::Benji::
::Nautik::
.::Enemies::.::Erik::
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 5:47 am
.::The Past::. My life started out fairly normal. I had a mom, a dad, a nice home in a fair neighborhood. My dad worked for most of the day, which lead to me spending most of my time with my mother, which lead to me creating a tight bond with her. She became my world, my security blanket, my light in the dark.
When it came to my dad though, we did not have such a bond. We got along well, but I did not seem him through the same eyes as my mother. To me he was just there. He was the man who supported my mother and I. The man who came and went day after day, save holidays and days off.
Time passed. When I was like 2 or 3 my family moved to Scotland for a while. That was where I first "met" Daveigh. I say "met" since I can't remember meeting him since I was so young. At the age of about 5 we then moved over to Ireland since my dad got a transfer over there. It sucked, a lot. I didn't really want to go since Daveigh and I became close, but I had to. Luckily, from time to time my mom took me back so I could play with him.
Age 6 wasn't my favorite year. It was the year my world crumbled under me. She was gone, forever. I was never going to get her back, feel her warmth, hear her voice, be comforted by her touch. My mom was gone, for good. She was dead and I didn't know how, nor would I ever get to know how, cause no one is going to tell a 6 year old boy how his own mother died. Her death meant my downfall. It was the starting point to my spiraling down.
I was left with the man who was just there. The man who seemed he did not care anymore, and for all I know he didn't and the feeling was mutual, I did not care much about him either. Again, he came and went. He was not there in the morning, he was not there when I came home from school, he was not there when I went to bed. He was there when I woke up in the middle of the night.
My first problem started a few months after my mother's funeral. I started seeing things, random things. I didn't know if they were real or fake, ghosts or my imagination. Some were nice. Others not so much. The constantly followed me, bugged me, talked to me, supported me, brought me down, helped me and made me fail. I saw people, those of the past, monsters, creatures, I even saw Her from time to time. That is what I called her, Her. She reminded me of my mother, a lot. I even asked her if she may be my mother, but she never answered. Since the man who was just there was never around I spent my time talking to my images. I just tried to piece my world using these images. I tried to find comfort with in them, especially Her. I didn't see my self as alone, because with them I never really felt alone.
It wasn't long until that man started to see something was wrong. He would ask who I was talking to, playing with, and I would just pass them off as imaginary friends. He didn't by it after a while. I soon found myself in a psychologist's office. Rick, I would be spending a lot of time with him, as I would find out later on in life.
Time went on as always. I was eventaully stamped "normal" by Rick. In a way I had no choice, but to act how he wanted and pass my self off as being treated. I was just getting tired of trying to explain everything to him, of taking all the tests and answering all his stupid little questions, so I just played along.
It wasn't too long until I found myself being shipped off to my Aunt Ophelia's place. I was never told why I was being sent there. I guess a child has no right to know what is being done to them. Even though my Aunt told me my father did it with good intentions, that he just needed time to get things straight to make a better life for us, I still hated him. Whether that was true or not, whether he got that better life or not, he never came back for me. I was tossed out like trash and found myself stuck in a family where eveyone, but Aunt Ophelia, did not consider me family.
I made the best of it while I was there though. I found myself lost with in the darkness of my bedroom, the attic, thanks to my "oh so loving" Uncle. I also got to "bond" with my caring cousin. That is, if you consider screaming, kicking, punching, tackling, pranking, stabbing, biting, trying to kill, ect, bonding. That was basically my life. I was family by blood, but wasn't considered family in their eyes. I didn't spend quality time with them. I didn't go on family outing. I didn't spend holidays with them. I just spent time to myself and locked in th attic. Aunt Ophelia tried her best
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Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 5:39 am
.::The Recovery::. Blah Blah
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 6:16 am
.::My Problems::. 1. Cds and books MUST be categorized by topic/theme and Alphabetically.
2. Clothes and items color coordinated.
3. Every strand of hair under his hood and bangs all combed to the right.
4. He must wash his hands 5 times when he is washing them.
5. Must tap shoes on twice before leaving his house.
6. When tapping his fingers he taps in a rhythm of 5 taps, pause and so on.
7. When writing everything must be perfect and organized. If not he keeps re-writing until he thinks it is perfect.
8. Everything MUST be in black ink.
9. Drug addictions.
10. Depression.
11. Burns his hand and wrist in depression.
12. Alcoholic.
13. Smoking problem.
14. Hallucination.
15. Scared of being alone.
16. Fear of abandonment.
17. Very judgmental.
18. Big mouthed.
19. He likes to play with peoples’ headses
20. Can be very temperamental.
21. Overly emotional.
22. He will not eat anything that comes from the sea.
23. Arachnophobia - Fear of Spiders.
24. Social anxiety disorder -
Excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations.
25. Agoraphobia -
A type of anxiety disorder related to fear. With agoraphobia, you fear being in places where it may be difficult or embarrassing to get out quickly or where you may have a panic attack and can't get help.
26. Severe Dysthymia -
A mood disorder that falls within the depression spectrum.
It is considered a chronic depression, but with less severity than major depressive disorder.
This disorder tends to be a chronic, long-lasting illness.
Dysthymia is a type of low-grade depression.
27. Paranoid personality disorder -
Psychiatric diagnosis characterized by paranoia and a pervasive, long-standing suspiciousness and generalized mistrust of others.
28. Schizoid personality disorder -
A personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, and emotional coldness.
29. Anorexia
30. Insomnia - Occurs at random.
31. Xenophobia -
He basically has an extreme fear of those significantly different from himself, cause he knows they won't understand him.
32. Algophobia -
A phobia of pain. This is weird since, well, he causes pain to himself, so doctors say the phobia must be related to others causing him pain.
33. Ranidaphobia -
Fear of frogs and toads.
34. Deceiver -
Oh, you have no freakin idea how good of an actor and liar this kid is...
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Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:35 pm
Reserved for his voiced and hallucinations
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2008 1:01 pm
::From the Asylum::
Location: Riverside Correctional Facility
Time: March 18th, 2003 : 1:23 Am
Status Labeled Legally Insane. Mentally unstable. Treatment still underway.
What the heck is going on: Someone has come to transfer Kevin over to a medical room for some shots. 8D
Kevin is currently in a state of Dysthymia, which this time around has made him extremely depressed and violent, which is why he needs some sleepy calm shots. :3
For some odd reason..he is talking ins poem..maybe is it the Dysthymia and meds?
Am I Crazy?
Am I Mad?
Well legally I am branded so.
Locked up cause I see things in a different light.
Shunned for being depressed.
I admit I've done my share of wrong
but for now I have no reget.
Call me Crazy.
Call me Mad.
Go on with your little experiments.
You can psychanalyze me all you want
Brand me with all your problem names
And inject me with all your meds.
But I will be no different.
They call me Crazy.
They call me Mad.
They have gotten no where with me.
I lay in my cell in this haunted house
Watching the people in white suits pass me by.
I'll take the beating, the harassment they pull.
In the end I know I'll win.
So I'm Crazy.
So I'm Mad.
Legally and medically so.
I took the beating, took the med.
I even talked to the men in all me "sorrow"
Yet still I have taken no steps forward.
I think I'm going backwards again.
Crazy or Mad?
Which is it you say?
I've played your game and won in the end.
I know quite well I'm messed in the head
but I see it as an advantage for me.
Go on and say it, call me your names
Cause I know well it is all down hill for me.
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Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2008 1:18 pm
: biggrin ream Talk::
What the heck is going on: Kevin is talking to Alice, a hallucination ghost whom he is extremely close and trusting of and whom is very protective of Kevin, about a dream he had.
I had a dream last night unlike all the others I have had. The sky was cloudless and grey, and an ocean lay spread out in every direction. I was flying against that grey sky. Never stopping or fading. I felt so...calm and serene. I never wanted to stop, yet, it did.
A huge empty tree was sitting in the middle of the endless body of water. I circled it a few times and landed on one of the branches. It was then I realized it was not I who was flying, but a bird. I was seeing my dream through the eyes of this..beautiful bird. He had these shiny silver feathers with a pearl white beak and cool grey blue eyes.
As he looked on I could see something thrashing around in the ocean, me. I was watching myself drown. I don't know what I was doing out there, or why. All I knew was that I was dying and panicked.
The bird looked on with pity. He mad no attempt to fly out or find help. I don't know what kind of help could be found in the middle of nowhere anyway.
Then I heard him. His voice so calm and loving. It reminded me of my mother's. "Let go" he said as he looked at me with care. "Just relax and let go..." I listened to him. Of course I thought he was mad in the head more than I was and looked at him like he was mad. I yelled at him and asked him if he was nuts, but he just shook his head and said, "Listen to me. Trust me. Let go." This time around I listened. I let go and watched as I sunk in to ocean.
My view changed and I saw the sky pulling away from me. The calmness and cold touch of death creeping from beneath as my vision started to fade while I saw my hands grasping for the sky above me.
Then it happened. I felt something take my hand and pull me up. The voice was not the birds though. It was different and had nothing but care in it. It was telling me everything is going to be alright now...and I trust it...
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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