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 Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 4:05 pm
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that youve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again I would understand
I would understand
Scyeth hadn't been out of his room for a few days, save for venturing out to eat when he was certain no one else would be around. It wasn't like he was avoiding people, he just didn't want to talk to them. He didn't want to explain what happened and he didn't want pity or sympathy or whatever. He didn't even like his father, it wasn't like he was mourning or anything. He certainly wasn't depressed. He just really liked this new toy! And that class thing? He could catch up later. He was a genius, after all.
The blond and looked up from his paddleball briefly. When did it get dark out? Scy blinked and peered around the room. He hadn't even realized. The youth shrugged and set back to the task at hand. He could paddle just as well in the dark as he could in the light. Why even bother getting up? RuiZhi wasn't even here. Huh. He hadn't seen much of his roomie lately. Maybe he should look into that.
...the paddleball says maybe not.
The angry boy a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don't belong
You're the first to fight
You're way too loud
You're the flash of light on a burial shroud
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Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:11 pm
One minute he'd been studying, minding his own business, and the next he was stalking down the hallway.
That was a lie, it wasn't entirely that cut and dry. RuiZhi had been having a very hard time studying, which was a huge deal for him. In fact, he'd had a hard time concentrating on anything at all. He'd tried to focus on what Herei was teaching him, and while it worked wonders, he could only do Tai Chi for so long. Afterwards, he was right back to where he started, and that was at square one with a moping blonde.
And that's really where the root of his problems was, wasn't it? Not that Scyeth was a problem, persay, but it was there in the sour Aussie's being that most of his insecurities were coming from. He was worried for his boyfriend, obviously, but there was more. Something he couldn't quite pin down and it was making him unusually irritable. It became easy to twist and contort his annoyance against the blonde, and in what seemed like an eternity (more like five seconds), the Chinese youth had slammed his book shut and made his way to the dorm room.
It was in this frame of mind that he stormed into the shared residence, the door closing behind him with the force of his entry. The jacket piece of his uniform was torn off unceremoniously (possibly actually torn), the damn paddleball of doom seized and thrown on top of the discarded cloth and RuiZhi was suddenly in Scyeth's lap. Crossing slender arms over his chest, the dark eyed teen glared into blues, his voice flat and unusually curt. "I exist and if you spent half as much time with me as that stupid toy, I wouldn't be this upset."
Okay, that's not what he really wanted to say, but now that it was out there, there wasn't much he could do. And so he glowered and generally looked like a sulking animal, awaiting a response.
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Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:21 pm
...uh. What?
Scyeth was, for lack of better words, completely dumbfounded. What, exactly, just happened? He was just playing peacefully, in the dark, and suddenly the door was slamming, some article of clothing might have just ripped and RuiZhi was now sitting in his lap. And he was ******** pissed. The Aussie was fairly certain he'd never actually seen RuiZhi angry before.
So. What?
Scyeth blinked, staring back at the furious Chinese student for a good few, silent minutes before his brain finally started to formulate some sort of response. "...paddleball isn't stupid," he muttered, arms dropping to his sides. He looked around for his lost toy. "Didn' have to throw her, you know."
What else was he supposed to say?
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Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:28 pm
A tremor ran up his back, and he had to clench his muscles to refrain from being sick.
"Her?" came the ugly hiss.
Oh, it was on.
RuiZhi pushed his hands onto Scyeth's shoulder, the words dropping from his mouth like something molten and hot. "If you prefer her so much, I'll make this easy for you." And the teen was suddenly off of the blonde, stalking stiffly back to the items on the floor and snatching them up. The fabric of the jacket strained around his knuckles, flinging the toy back at Scyeth, not caring if it hit him or the wall. He hoped it would shatter, no matter what surface it came in contact with.
"You'll have plenty of room in the bed for her, I'll go find another dorm, which will be empty because I expect it to, not because my boyfriend is out having an affair with a child's toy!" Angry? Oh, Scyeth was going to get a faceful of angry.
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Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:35 pm
...what was wrong with her? His skateboard was a her, and RuiZhi never had a problem with that. Not even when she chucked him down a stairwell and left him in a tangled heap! (Of course, they weren't dating then, but that wasn't relevant.)
Scyeth opened his mouth to try and respond, but couldn't get any words out before he was beaned in the face with his beloved toy. "What the ********?" the teenager yowled, still in a state of shock as the paddleball fell by the wayside. "Hey. Wait! Where are you going?" he whined, pulling himself off the bed as he tried to dog after his boyfriend. "What's going on? Wait!"
The blond RuiZhi's arm. "Stop yelling. What's going on?"
Please excuse the poor blond attached to your arm. He hasn't been present in the land of the living the past few days.
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Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:44 pm
"What do you mean, what's going on?!" RuiZhi cried out at him, deeply insulted. He had no idea, did he? That was fine. He'd give Scyeth one hell of an idea.
"You HATED him!" the Chinese youth blurted, his voice laced with anger and pain. "And look at you! You wont leave the room! Your classes have gone down the drain and me...you don't even look at me!" The last few words took on a dangerous pitch of near hysteria, forcing the teen to take a moment to regroup himself enough to rage onwards. "Right now, THIS, THIS is the most I've seen of you since it happened! You hated him and said he hated you, and...are you going to have a party when I die, then?!"
Of course, none of that had anything to do with anything. It wasn't logical or intelligent, but RuiZhi was beyond rationality. He wanted acknowledgement. He wanted to know Scyeth still cared, because lately, he felt so alone. The Aussie wouldn't even look up at him half the time, and it had hurt the teen profoundly. "Don't act like you care now," he sniffled a little, sullen, "I'll let you do whatever you want. You don't...you don't need me right now. You need your stupid paddleball."
And that was probably what hurt him the most.
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Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:55 pm
...oh.
Scyeth did hate him. He had always been looking forward to the die he died, but he hadn't- He didn't think- He didn't want- No, he didn't know it would-
No, that was a lie. "I knew he was going to die," Scyeth muttered, even though the declaration had no place in the current conversation. It was the thought process that led there, really. "But I, I don't want you to die, too." Scyeth struggled for words like someone would struggle for air. He felt like he did all those months ago, when he was returning home from that hated place. From that little cabin in the Outback.
"...my paddleball isn't stupid. It's a wonderful distraction." Too distracting, maybe, but that was beside the point. "Because I...I don't want to face what I've been dealt right now." Oh, so maybe he did know what was going on, after all. "I did hate him. But hate him or not, that was the only family I had. But not really, because he had written me off shortly before he died, so what am I know?"
A pause.
"But this isn't about me right now. I think this is supposed to be about you."
Another pause.
"I'm sorry."
It was the only thing that could be said.
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Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 8:03 pm
"No," the teen replied quietly, "it's about you. It's always been about you. And..." How clear it was all becoming. "...my short comings, because I can't do anything for you. Maybe I'm not good enough for you. I'm...just a human, who grew up without a family. What do I know."
Miserable disinterest.
"I do know you're important to me." RuiZhi's voice had quieted, but he wasn't looking at the blonde. "I hate that I can't do anything but watch you fall apart. And maybe I'm selfish, but I can't keep watching you sink into whatever you're sinking into. You clearly want to be alone. So I'm giving you the one thing I can give you." He bit back adding on, 'Uninterrupted time with your paddleball.' It wouldn't help for him to keep being angry. If he couldn't focus...he'd only be hurting Scyeth. That was not what he had wanted, was it?
...he couldn't even remember why he'd come.
Rubbing his face with his free hand, RuiZhi sighed. "I'm leaving you alone. That's all."
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Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 8:10 pm
...always about him?
"...how very selfish I've become," Scyeth said softly, a great sadness creeping in around the edges. "How very selfish I've become."
RuiZhi was always giving, and even if he had nothing left to give, the Chinese teen was still looking for something else to offer up. Why wasn't he ever giving anything back? He had plenty of things. Plenty of time. Plenty of...affection.
"...I'm such a d**k," Scyeth muttered under his breath, frowning as he tugged on RuiZhi's arm. "Stay," he said, neigh, commanded. Firm and unyielding, he still didn't want to be left alone. Even if it meant the paddleball would have to survive without him for a few hours, as long as he could-
Damnit! It really was all about him!
The blond growled to himself then, and before he could think the better of it, pulled RuiZhi in for a kiss. Where words failed him, actions were going to have to make up for it.
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Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 8:30 pm
RuiZhi had expected many things, but sadness was not one of them. Outrage, denial, anger even; but this? The teen was washed by guilt, but he was too tied up in his own righteous fury that he was not yet ready to relinquish his firm ground.
Firm ground that was becoming surprisingly fragmented under Scyeth's continued assault of himself.
The tug on his arm went straight to his heart. He turned, wanting to say something to his boyfriend, something nice and comforting, but he was being pulled and there was a warm, familiar pressure on his mouth. Brown eyes blinked owlishly before lidding and giving into the kiss, pressing back into it, somewhere between needy and angry. It wasn't the kind and sweet intimacy they shared before, but something more hungry and less satisfied by the touch of affection.
He broke the kiss, because he could not for the life of him figure out why he felt like was missing something. The teen grumped softly, "I can't say no to you. I want to stay. With you." He stubbornly hugged the blonde, kissing his shoulder with far more gentleness than the lip locker.
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Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 8:46 pm
Scyeth made a soft noise, one of those noises human beings shouldn't be able to make, and ran a hand up and down RuiZhi's side gently, trying to be soothing. He really didn't like this 'angry' business. So he hummed softly and wrapped his arms around the Chinese youth, slightly unnerved by how foreign the feeling had become. He really had been slipping somewhere dark, hadn't he?
"Thanks," he said quietly, because he should. He didn't really deserve to be forgiven (...was he forgiven?), or at least acquiesced, at the time being, but he was awfully glad RuiZhi found it in his heart to do so.
He should pay him back.
With a sudden surge of energy, the youth scooped RuiZhi up and carried him across the room to the bed. By some miracle, he didn't trip over anything in the dark and set Zhi down with relative ease before climbing up next to him and shoving the paddleball off the bed, into the abyss between bed and wall. (He'd be sorry for that later.)
"We should spend more time together. Or rather. I should make some more time for you. I want to go look at stars. Would you go look at stars with me, sometime?"
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 12:34 pm
A smile forced its way from his lips at the noise, a reminder of what Scyeth was - of who he was. The hug was comforting, something he was more than happy to return, some of his irrational rage dwindling as his eyes closed. This was nice. Almost like old times, before they become Science students. Before he had all these sudden feelings of lacking self-worth and doubt--
"Uwah?!" The Chinese boy squawked in surprise, grasping Scyeth around the neck and blinking with wide brown eyes as dark shapes of the room moved just out of his vision. The jacket was dropped in the scuffle, and before he knew it, he was being placed on the (their) bed, looking towards the spot he knew Scyeth was by the gentle weight next to him. RuiZhi curled one arm around the Aussie's waist to make sure he was really there, relaxing a little and giving a small smile.
"I'd like that," he said thoughtfully. "Whenever. Even if I'm studying, hit me with the book and take me out." The idea struck him as funny, a quiet bit of muted laughter squeezing its way out. "Like a date."
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Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 5:32 am
Like a date. Hmm. They hadn't actually done that yet. A shame, really. What kind of boyfriend was he? (Aside from not being 'gay', that was.) But that aside. The blond settled, allowing the arm around his waist as he wrapped an arm around RuiZhi's shoulder, humming softly. "So are you still mad?" he murmured, idly wondering where his paddleball had escaped to. An addiction was still an addiction; he'd have to do something about her later.
"Because I don't think I like you mad," he continued, finding the words somewhere in his head. Apparently he still knew how to talk, after all. "You're scarier than your sister. And much scarier than Wei," he finished, mustering a wry smile. Wei's anger was similar to his own; he knew how to handle that, and it wasn't frightening. Alex was a little wilder, and little more unpredictable, but still not so dissimilar that he found himself overly concerned. But RuiZhi? It was entirely unexpected, and maybe because he was much more invested in RuiZhi, more concerning. "But it's...refreshing."
And it was. Maybe it was almost a relief, to discover RuiZhi was just as human as he was.
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Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 12:13 pm
"Mad?" he repeated, considering. The teen was silent for a time, still smiling as Scyeth remarked that he was scarier than his siblings (which he would contest, if he wasn't so comfortable). The familiar warmth of the blonde's arm around him was soothing, considerably calming the Chinese youth. RuiZhi still felt that small irked feeling in the back of his mind, though, as if the wrong thing could ignite those self-righteous flames all over again.
He sighed. "I think it's gone," he offered in earnest. "I don't...know. I don't really know where it came from." He didn't like admitting having so little control over his own thoughts and feelings, but it was the truth. "No promises, how about that?" A slight smile resurfaced, scooting just a little closer to his boyfriend. This was much easier, to just lay with him and forget anything had happened at all. "This is all I wanted," he added softly, pressing his brow to the Aussie's shoulder.
RuiZhi thought, for a moment, he might finally understand his sister's antics now, that desire for one's presence.
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Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 12:46 pm
Scyeth stayed still, and stayed silent, as he sat with the other youth. Stormy mind considerably empty now, the Australian was going to have a lot to think about when left to his own devices again. RuiZhi was invested in this too, now. It wasn't just a fun little game anymore. This was real. Perhaps Scyeth hadn't noticed yet (well, that was quite certain), and only time would tell how the demon would handle the shift in responsibilities.
As for the time being, the student was content to flop backwards onto the bad, pulling the Chinese student along with him. He closed sky blue eyes and hummed to himself softly, ignoring the way pesky blond hair fell over his face. He was going to have to plan this date, actually make it worth RuiZhi's while. After all, he did have a bit to make up for.
"Good night," he found himself muttering, comfortable enough to curl up and go to sleep.
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