Kyle Holestrum: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is an exclusive interview with the newly signed superstar of the EEW, who we only know as anonymous. Welcome to the interview, anonymous."

Anonymous: "Good morning, Kyle. Let's hope it's not this good at Anarchy Rulz."

Kyle Holestrum: "Why would you say that?"

Anonymous: "The beating I give Poisin at Anarchy Rulz will be ugly, decissive, it'll turn saints into sinners, it'll make priests leave cub scouts alone, it'll be hysterical, in a humorous way of course."

Kyle Holestrum: "So the first question I want to -"

Anonymous: "Second question."

Kyle Holestrum: "The second question I want to ask you is, why would you join EEW if you seem to be so down on it?"

Anonymous: "Hype. Something I seemed to lack when I was down in the independent scene. Something EEW seemed to have all over the world. But then again, I've put on three five star matches in my five year career and I've turned average people into human vegetables, something EEW has yet to do."

Kyle Holestrum: "So, you're saying that you're better than EEW?"

Anonymous: "No, of course not. Do you think I have achieved as much as EEW? Do you think I have beaten a single EEW superstar to a pulp, let alone pinned them? No. I'm just hinting at the probable conclusion that I will be better than EEW."

Kyle Holestrum: "So how do you feel about your first opponent, Poisin?"

Anonymous: "Well, I'd first like to say that the word poison doesn't have an 'n'. It has an 'o', as in 'oh no, I'm about to get my a** kicked by the newest superstar on the EEW roster.' Second of all, the guy is tall, the guy has a significant weight advantage on me, BUT, the harder they hit the harder they fall. The guy can't wrestle his way out of a paper bag, let alone Hulk Hogan. I'm gonna fight, I'm gonna win, and I'm gonna put him out of business with a steel chair after I'm done."

Kyle Holestrum: "Now, you called Lauri Henry on chat with a superstar not too long ago. What was the purpose of that?"

Anonymous: "What do you mean whats the purpose? Do I need a reason for everything? I did it, simply because the kid may know school smarts, but he doesn't know street smarts. Plus, I thought it'd be funny to make him s**t his pants. That'd be quite an interesting debut now wouldn't it?"

Kyle Holestrum: "And the last question of this interview, why can't you tell us your identity?"

Anonymous: "EEW doesn't desrve to find out who I am, they don't deserve to prosper without someone carrying them. They deserve competition, and if they want to find out my name, then I'll write it in their blood. Plus, I don't want people doing a search on me, studying my every step and move. Because the EEW deserves a nice, and agonizing, surprise."

Kyle Holestrum: "Mr. Anonymous, thank you for your time."

Anonymous: "No, please. Just call me your savior."