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 Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 8:45 pm
Dorm life
here comes the drama
on it goes
trucking by
nobody knows
where it started but here it stands
reaching out with grasping hands
laughing, gossiping girl and boys
with smiles all and brand new toys
Silly people look beyond stop playing these games
Don't make things worse!!
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Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 8:11 pm
Lol, so I sat here reading this one like 10 times to make sure I knew what I wanted to say. I like the verb "To truck" it implies so much, but the bad part of that is I think of something trucking, and I imagine it hauling by, but the drama sticks around, right? I would have liked to see what the toys are(I know that sounds stupid, but showing is literally better). Are the boys and girls playing with other people as if they are toys? that'd be a cool image to put in. I'd have never thought to use such subject matter in this way. That's really original.
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Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 2:08 pm
It's short and to the point, yet full of great imagery and meaningful. I love your expressions. Great job!
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Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:51 pm
haha, are we really that bad, Luci?
I like the organization of this, how it's all tercets until the last line. It kind of shatters the stereotype? ooooh.
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