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Xx_RitsukaofLoveless_xX

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 8:00 am


Mk, this is something I wrote while in school captivity last week!!
*tugs on rope tying my neck to a lunch table in the 8th grade centrum*

Enjoy!!!!
__________________________________

Disclaimer: xxxHolic, by CLAMP
Fanfiction by Able

The Umbrella and the Riceball


Part 1


!!!~~~~~~The Spirit's Assistance~~~~~~!!!

I glided down one of the many empty streets in Japan, the rain falling around me in sheets, not seeming to touch any part of my slim, gangly form. The water, to any normal human, just disappeared a few yards above my black head. But to my eyes, the spirit of the riceball towered above me and sheilded me by shadowing every one of my steps.
I am Kimihiro Watanuki, seventeen-year-old high school student and slave to Yuko Ichihara's magic shop. I have one hazel eye, one blue eye, and a whole lot of trouble.
I smile softly as I push open the gates to Yukko's shop, looking up at the faceless triangle of ghost rice,
"Thank you."
The spirit bowed and, disappearing into the mist, left the street open to where Domeki stood with two umbrellas, one over his head and the other at his side.
He turned his gaze to me blandly,
"Watanuki, you need an umbrella?"
As drizzle began soaking my hair and I laugh, I hold up my hand in a greeting,
"Hey, Domeki."
He thrust the straw rain-blocker at me, and I catch it and open it,
"Don't need you sick."
I blink as he turns and disappears. Why does he care all of a sudden?
"Watanuki!" "Watanuki!"
Two identical voices rang out from the shop doors,
"The mistress needs you!" "The mistress, the mistress!"
Shrugging it off, I turn on my heel to face the small shop amoung taller buildings as tall as sky-scrapers, in it's uniqueness, and head for the two soul-less girls,
"I'm coming!"
PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 12:14 pm


Well, I've never seen the anime you're basing your work on, so I don't really know what to say in terms of that. As far as the writing itself goes, it would have been really nice to have had a better sense of the setting. I understand this is a fanfic, and that the people that read this should already know the details, but this is still your writing, and you should do your talent justice (if you feel you can).

By the way, please don't think I'm trying to offend you, I'm just trying to be as honest as I can while taking in the consideration that you wrote a fanfic.

Maiden of Lost Memories

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