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 Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 12:12 pm
Kamaria found that no matter how hard she tried to clear her mind, the words would only repeat themselves, seemingly more frequently and louder. They crashed into her mind like dangerous waves no lion was brave enough to face.
She had been determined that there was something there. She had dedicated herself fully to the pride and in the end it appeared to be for nothing. She was unworthy. She was not good enough for them. Shaking her head, the lioness pushed forward, finding her paws sinking into the sand and difficult to move.
But there was something more. The ocean had provided the lioness with such a comfort in all her times of weakness. Hadn't it been the one place she could call home? What went wrong? What had she done? Tears were welling in her eyes now, but the lioness put on a brave face and made her way towards their temporary den, soon to be made available towards more worthy lions. How would she tell her family? How could she face Omoa? The cub had been only just starting a family and here Kamaria was going to have to tear that from her.
Once Senatla's form become visible in the distance, Kamaria found the tears suddenly slide down her cheeks. Everything about Kamaria's demeaner showed that she was falling apart.
Not yet aware of her sister's approach, the red lioness took a moment to lick her wound on her leg. That warthog really did a deep gash, it hurt so much but she hid it has hard as she could. For her cubs, her family, she had to remain strong. In many ways, she failed herself. It wasn't the soothing ocean that called her to this spot; it was the distance that she hoped to see a black figure in the distance.
Sighing, she stood, her leg a little stiff. It was then, when she had cleared her mind for a moment to block out her discomfort that she heard the sounds of compacting sand behind her. The sound was too deep a dull crunch to be her cubs; therefore it had to be an adult. Turning, she didn’t see the figure she was looking for, but one she hadn’t seen much of. Her smile fell as she saw her sister’s expression.
Giving no thought to her own leg, she trotted forward, with a slight limp she couldn’t hide. Reaching the leopard spotted lioness, she nuzzled her neck and asked with deep concern rolling off her tongue, “Kam, what happened, what is the matter?” Had Jethro left her? When Aten faded from their lives and Roho before that, it seemed have hurt Kamaria, feeling her own heart break, she wished never to have her sister suffer it again. She deserved to be happy, what on earth had taken that that?
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Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 12:22 pm
Senatla's words seemed to only cause the lioness' tears to fall more rapidly. With a quivering muzzle, Kamaria attempted to gather herself in order to explain. It had happened only earlier and the effects were still sinking in. So much was going to change and so quickly. Kamaria had always considered herself responsible for her entire family and this time she had really failed them all.
So caught up in her own self loathing, it took a moment before Kamaria realised that her sister was wounded. She saw the deep gouge in her back leg and teared up even more. Without a pride, her sister and the others would have to face threatening rogues! With so many cubs, how could they ensure that everyone was safe? "W-what happened to you?" Kamaria knew that she needed to explain her own situation, but she couldn't disregard her sister's clear injury. Why hadn't Sen come to her? Did she also feel a need to cover up her pain for the family?
As the lioness awaited Senatla's answer, she bit onto her lower lip and took in a deep breath through her nose. Releasing it finally, Kamaria felt at least more at ease in the comfort of her sister.
She wanted to cry now, because her sister was, something was deeply troubling her. When the attention was turned to her own wound, her tail subconsciously came to cover it up. She wanted to be a hero, like her namesake, still hadn’t gotten it through her head that she could hurt and still be strong. That’s why she hid it, not because she didn’t trust her sister, but because she wanted to be strong. A failed argument when one considers she looks up to her big sister as strong and capable, tears didn’t detract from that.
Ears lowered, she admitted her failure, “I took Motsu hunting, the mother warthog didn’t take too nicely to me killing her baby. I wasn’t able to distract her from Motsu without getting hurt. He is fine though; hurt his paw by badgering a crab, but he is alright.” Her cubs were safe, that was what mattered most, always. Of course, now that she answered Kam’s question, she wasn’t going to let her own go. “What happened, Kam? You can tell me anything, I am here for you, sister.” What upset her, she really wanted to know.
When Senatla attempted to cover her wound, Kamaria's ears lowered sadly. While she was worried about hoped that nothing too serious had happened, she would need to respect her sister's wishes and disregard the subject for now. Senatla was a grown lioness and certainly she didn't need her sister breathing down her neck and demanding answers. When the red colored female chose to explain the story however, Kamaria listened with open ears, nodding and widening her eyes when Motsu was involved.
With a light sigh of relief towards the end, Kamaria leaned forward to nuzzle her sister comfortingly. The leopard marked female was not entirely sure whether the comforting was for herself or her sister at that very moment though. "You are a brave lioness, Senatla. I am so glad that Motsu and the cubs are alright. Hunting can be dangerous and while I am sad to see that you are injured, I am proud that you stepped up and protected your cubs no matter the cost..." Looking away, the lioness smiled faintly towards the roguelands. "I can only hope that one day... i'll be as wonderful a mother as you."
Without a pride now Kamaria was unsure if she would ever have a litter of cubs. Jethro had recently come across Omoa and now that she was a part of their family, they were responsible for her well being and safety. With a pride they were offered protection and shelter. Without one, Kamaria couldn't risk putting all her cubs in harms way.
Returning her gaze to Senatla, her smile slowly faded. "The King did not see me fit to be a member of the pride. I need to leave... and soon." The King did not give her a time to leave and even said she could remain in the borders without their protection, but Kamaria couldn't bare to remain within the pride she had become so close to.
The nuzzle was well received, she took it as comfort for her heart’s pains and returned it to help her sister. Looking away a bit shyly, one could almost see a lighter red dusting her cheeks as she was complimented. It was all she wanted to be, the brave mother who would give anything to protect her cubs, be told that from her sister was a great compliment. “There is never a cost too high,” She believed that will all conviction. That next comment made her smile, she was a great mother, but she didn’t do it alone. Nuzzling her sister she said softly, “You are and have always been a great help, I wouldn’t be nearly as good a mother without my big sister. I believe you’ll be a wonderful mother, and you’ll have help like I did.” There was only once that she had ever been disappointed in Kam, and that was when she tried to go back on her word to watch Sewelo. It was heart breaking to see her son confused, asking why she was going back on her promise. It didn’t endear Jethro to her, but she had let it go.
Shock, her sister’s words hit her like a rough wave, the king had rejected her? It made no sense; they were building a happy life here, what had gone wrong? It didn’t matter, she decided, and without hesitation, she said, “Then we’ll go, it won’t take long to gather the cubs, between you and myself, Jethro too I assume, we’ll be fine. There is a home for all of us, we’ll find it.” It took all of her strength to hide the anguish, it wasn’t the lost of the Bahari lands, but that Thili hadn’t come back yet. She couldn’t wait for him, as much as she wanted to so badly. All she could do was pray that he wouldn’t think she didn’t love him anymore, or his bad sense of direction would bring him back to her, like it had brought him the first time.
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Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 11:49 pm
Though she still felt a heaviness in her heart, Senatla's kind words were enough to cause Kamaria to smile warmly towards her sister. She was glad that her sister felt that way about her and she hoped there would come a time in which she could accept her sister's guidance and support with her own cubs. And that brought the lioness back to their present issue and just why she had gone in search of the red colored female. They were without a home and without a home they were without shelter, protection, food, companionship. Everything Kamaria had longed for were slowly slipping from her grasp. How could she had searched for so long to end up empty pawed?
When Senatla finally addressed the issue, Kamaria felt a deep sigh suddenly fall from her mouth. She would come with her? Kamaria had heard the Kings words directed to her and only her. She could not keep the home and benefits from all those she cared about. "I couldn't ask that of you. We have looked for a home for so long.. The cubs. I cannot ask them to travel in the roguelands... It isn't safe." Kamaria nearly stuttered when she spoke.
Kamaria wanted her family safe, but while she offered them the safety of the pride, explaining that she could go alone, the lioness was not sure if she could make it on her own.
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 9:10 am
A smile was a victory; she loved her sister so much that it hurt to see her so upset. She felt the rejection of the pride as keenly as if they had rejected her. They had, by proxy; there was no way she would stay behind while her sister went off on her own again. She was a mother, but also a sister and a strong hearted lioness, her mind was made up the moment her sister was rejected.
Looking down the coast, she started to speak, "The cubs have only knowing the ocean. If the shore is the same as it is here, then there is nothing to worry about."It was working out in her mind, there was a lot of den space in the rocks facing the ocean, fishing was possible and the jungles that bordered the Bahari lands offered a lot of hunting ground. The cubs could be kept safe on the sands while she or her sister, or Jethro, left to hunt. In pares would be better. With the cubs older, nearly adolescents, she felt comfortable with the idea, "Lets follow the coast, sister, and we’ll find a home for us, all of us. It is safer on the beaches, and the cubs are nearly half grown. We can do this, it isn't home without you." Leaning forward again, she gave the older lioness another nuzzle to the neck, purring softly to reassure her as best she could.
Never, never would she be able to do anything that would put her cubs at risk, protecting them at any cost, that’s why she gave this as much thought. Had they been much younger, that cost would be very dear. She wouldn't be able to stay; it would be pure agony without her sister. Now that her cubs were older, and she knew the benefits of where they were, the risk was less so, she was at ease with her choice. It was only a matter of making Kam see it.
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 11:18 am
Senatla's words seemed to vanish Kamaria's worries. While the spotted lioness still felt awful about forcing her family to follow her from the pride, all of what her sister said had made sense. They could travel the shoreline and find a territory that had not been claimed by a pride. At the rate their family had been growing, it was safe to assume that they had, indeed, created a small pride of their own already. The cubs had Jethro, Senatla and Kamaria to keep a close eye on them and perhaps they would stumble across other lions who had been shunned from their homes.
They would be back where they started, but this time they were together.
Returning the nuzzle, Kamaria's tears continued to slide down her cheeks, not entirely from pain, but because of the happiness she felt to know that no matter what happened between the two of them, Senatla was never willing to let go. Smiling as warmly as she could with the tears still welled in her eyes, the lioness motioned forward. "It is early still. Perhaps we should gather the cubs, Jethro and Omoa and begin our trek this morning. It would be best to find shelter before night."
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 1:03 pm
Moving from the pride in of itself was not a problem for her. She was so young and inexperienced with life when she had her cubs, settling down was a forced action done for the good of the cubs. Her paws still wanted to travel; she still wanted to do so much. This was a chance move again, that she was glad for. It was everything else, including how much it pained her sister that dampened everything. Having never said anything about not really wanting to stay in the pride, she had hidden the feelings for everyone elses benefit. It wasn't that she didn't trust her sister with her feelings, it just a habit she hadn't found a way to beat. You can be strong and speak your mind; it was a trick to figure out.
They were in this together, from the moment Kamaria found her, they were sisters as strong as if there was blood between them. Looking towards the horizon, she let a small sigh go before she realized it. So it didn't seem like she was upset about the move, she explained looking to the roguelands, "I hope Thili can follow our trail, he found me once, that sense of direction should send him back again." The thought of never seeing him again made her heart ache so much, but there were preparations to make.
Turning to her sister, she smiled softly and said, "Alright lets go, my brood is likely near the den, it won't take long to get them. Do you want to meet me there with Jethro and Omoa?" With so many cubs, it would be easy enough to keep them occupied, one would start something and the others would jump in. She could spin this like a great adventure, for sure.
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 5:02 pm
The lioness had not even thought about Thili amidst the sudden change. She hadn't spent a great deal of quality time with the male, but understood how much he made her sister happy - and at times, very sad. It was because of how sad Senatla was when he left that Kamaria had not been fond of the dark colored male.
By the pained expression on her sister's face, Kamaria could understand the deep feeling in Senatla's heart. Had the spotted female been forced to move before having a chance to speak with Jethro she would have been devastated. Even early on in their relationship Kamaria was certain that he was the one she wished the spend the rest of her life with. She knew that despite Thili's constant wanderlust, Senatla was smitten and her feelings would not simply go away.
Hearing Senatla's hopeful explanation caused Kam's ears to fold down sadly. "Certainly, Senatla. Thili is a smart lion, he should be able to find us. We can stay close to the ocean so that he can follow after." Listening to Senatla's suggestion, Kamaria nodded quietly and then smiled. "Thank you for sticking beside me, Senatla. It means more than you know." And on that note, the lioness began towards the shoreline where she knew Jethro and Omoa would be playing.
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 5:16 pm
Any time she wasn't caring for her cubs or around other lions, Thili was on her mind. The pain was keen, however things had to happen. One day, she wouldn't have to watch the horizon for the figure that she loved. Her heart was a cub's, wanting what she couldn't have, but her mind was an adult and it won.
The reassurance, even if it didn't sound completely believed by her sister, it received a smile. "I'll always be with you, sister." Turning, she started walking towards her own den, limping slightly even though she fought hard to hide her pain. Moving would be slower with her injury, but she would do her darndest not to be a burden to those she loved.
Seeing her den in the distance, her eyes fell to the roguelands, then back to where the little figures were playing around. Smiling, she roared softly to get their attention. The little smiles and cheers, the shine in their eyes when she was spotted, nothing warmed the heart easier. With nuzzles and licks, she told them that they were leaving. At first there was confusion, but she explained that they had to go find a new home. Sewelo's biggest worry was that Aunty Kam wasn't coming. Laughing, she reassured her cubs, their Aunt, uncle and cousin would be with them.
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