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I feel like I'm moving in slow motion
But tumbling too fast
I'm out of sync with all the world
off-beat and
over-
under-
compensating
Always in the wrong places
My feet are stuck in tar
I trudge
I trudge-it thickens
I trip
I magically quicken
Stumbling,
Catching,
Stumbling,
Sway:
Tha rhythm of today
Breakdown
Stuck in my own world that doesn't seem to want me
Floating
In space
Black is all around
Senses are paid no attention to but function perfectly
Something's always in my head

[[unfinished...]]

Sorry?
[[a song--just finished!]]
Sunday July 27, 2008-Sunday, September 7, 2008

Seventh grade
Supposed "love" letters, secret notes
Written on blue folded up paper
Into origami.
A cootie catcher, in those days.
No I will not dance with you,
Please don't take it too hard.
It's not you I swear it's me!
Really I wasn't even plannng on going.

And anyway why did all of your friends ask me?
I imagined him to think.
Everyone you knew but you came at me
With the same juvenile question
But my answer remains the same
I'm sorry, not knowing what else to say.

What happened to all of my childhood?
Where did innocent youth go?
I look back upon my past
My God, what have I done?
I think I'm sorry.
What have I become?
What left is there to say but sorry
When all that time was never enough?

Next year
I somehow won before I lost
Lined paper, now weathered soft and gray,
Graphite smeared on both sides.
A first note fit for a couple
And that slowly we became
From coaxing on both sides
Will you go out with me please?
With parental permission we did.

I went to his house and we carved pumpkins
And played Jenga a little while
We went to the movies and we
Sat next to his parents
January we broke up
He said we didn't do enough

For the next long year
I would write notes
That would never see their subject
Hidden pieces of nostalgia
Hiding in my school notebooks, oh...
Just out of reach
Just out of reach
Of reading
And feeling
And knowing the truth
The untold truth
Although you would never really care, now would you?

What happened to all of my childhood?
Where did innocent youth go?
I look back upon my past
My God, what have I done?
I think I'm sorry!
I really swear I do!
What left is there to say but sorry?
When all the time is gone?
I think I'm sorry!
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I really am, I hope you know.
All you could really say was sorry
And walk away.

Days Like These
[[a song...unfinished...much more upbeat than the previous two...Monday, September 8, 2008
Finished Thursday, Dec. 4, 2008]]

I swear I do not have a crush on you
Oh no-o-oh I don't.
I'm still not over number one...or two or whichever he is
I just think you're cute
Just think you're cute,
I like the way your curls fall on your eyes.
But I can't see me kissing you
Not kissing you
No no no.

Tracked you down in Photography today
I can still flirt if I don't like you, right?
Playful jibes, sarcastic remarks
That's the way I do things

Oh woah oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh[[lol]]
Oh woah ah oh.
Oh woah oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh woah ah oh

I saw the "other" crush when I was walking home from school
And I realized a lot of the spark had disappeared
His hair looks worse now, so much less cute than last year
And your humor's better anyway

It's days like these when I realize
That I'm over him
I'm over him
It's days like these when I realize
I like you yes I really do, oh
Crush!
Crush...crush crush[[no it is not sung like Paramore's song!]]

I smiled real big in Math today
When a girl asked me who I liked
I had to write it down, you're not supposed to know yet
No not just yet.
But you'll know soon
Oh yes you will, sometime around Homecoming
I can see us giggling
Us giggling
Like a couple should

I can see us holding hands
And walking down the halls to lunch together
Only to part when we each meet our friends
We'll still be in each other's hearts.

Oh woah oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh woah ah oh
Oh woah oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh woah ah oh

But I guess you have a girlfriend
And I can't be with you
But I don't really care,
'Cause you're just a crush

It's days like these when I realize
That I'm over him
I'm over him
It's days like these when I realize
I like you yes I really do, oh
Crush!
Crush...crush crush

But I don't really like you 'cause your just my...
Oh woah oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh woah ah oh
Oh woah oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh woah ah oh

No I don't really care because you're just my crush.

[[mmmkay...so as keeping with the theme and stereotype of sappy weird love songs...this one's about a guy that I liked, then I thought I was over, then liked, and thought I was over...and so now I've decided there's no getting over him. HOW SAAAAD! lol...]]

Why can't I have you?
If no one else wants you?
You know I wanted you;
Do you know still?
Every day I
Watch in the hallway
For you to come
Walking up to me.

And I know it's sad,
And I know no one else can see why,
And I know this sounds more than a little desperate,
Without you I wouldn't die,
But if you did I might.

Two pieces of a puzzle
That look like they should fit
But they don't
And everyone but me can understand that
Two pieces of a puzzle
That look like they should fit
But they don't
And you think I would know better
Than to try and make them.

There is just one thing
That I need answered
One thing that stands out
Among the rest
And it is simply,
"What in the hell was
I ever thinking
To think you could be mine?"

And I know it's sad,
And I know no one else can see why,
And I know this sounds more than a little desperate,
Without you I wouldn't die,
But if you did I might.

Two pieces of a puzzle
That look like they should fit
But they don't
And everyone but me can understand that
Two pieces of a puzzle
That look like they should fit
But they don't
And you think I would know better
Than to try and make them.

Words, they slip past me,
They slip past my lips, and
Slip past my fingers,
Slip past my ears.
Yeah, sure, I can hear them

gr unfinished...