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 Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 9:04 am
Alright, my name is Liz, I'm 21, and I am a completely failed writer. I don't know how you people do it! I love writing, and I love making up characters and running around with them in my head, but I just cannot stay on task for the friggin' life of me. It's pathetic, really, because the only consistent dream I've ever had was to become a writer, and now, 17 years after I wrote my only books, I'm comin' up empty.
I don't even know where to begin. Well, that's not entirely true, I have about a million stories started; the problem, honestly, is that I don't know where to go with them. I'm horrible at plot, and it shows when I watch or read things, and people want to stop and discuss things with me in the middle... I really just can't. I'm like, "... I have no idea, you're supposed to finish it to find out, right?"
My ex-boyfriend, Ryan, had the most obnoxious habit of being able to figure everything out like years ahead of time, and he would always tell me what was going to happen just before it did. He ruined so many movies for me, but I'm still kind of envious of his retarded plot-reading power.
I've heard so many times that you have to stop reading and watching as a viewer and start observing as a writer, but it stops being interesting for me when the story becomes a formula. When I was younger, I used to dream of being the one to break out and make some crazy story that didn't follow any rules, but then I got older and I found out that these rules and archetypes are there for a reason. Because they work.
I'm also horrible, HORRIBLE, at outlines and all that kind of stuff, which I believe has really weakened me as a novelist. I can't even do outlines for reports; it's so stupid.
In any case, I have two story ideas that have really stuck with me through all the chaos in my awkward brain. Or maybe it's just that I've grown really attached to the characters, which is actually a huge problem for me.
For instance, while I was writing this one (working title: Lucky Straights, which isn't actually applicable anymore, but we don't need to get into it right now) and originally it was just about this character, Henri. (this is sci-fi, I guess, so stick with me on this) Then he needed a taxi driver, and I added Chef, but then I got attached to him, and he became a permanent installment. Then I decided that Conor, Henri's best friend, needed to be in the story too, so he got thrown in and kept.
Then I was like, "There are too many boys!" So I added Yamako, Chef's girlfriend, and she got kept too. Then I had to separate Chef from Conor and Henri, and there were zombies, and Conor and Henri are both lame so I needed somebody to make sure they didn't die, and I added Zealot, who was definitely supposed to die, but I got SO ATTACHED to him that he not only didn't die he... guess what! Joined the crew, and pretty much became more important to me than Henri ._.''
The truth is that Henri is actually pretty much in the background during all plot-thinking time, even though it's really about him and none of the other characters have any purpose except to follow him around. It's not that he's a bad character, I'm just way more drawn to very unstable people with unstable backgrounds, and he is just very sweet and very determined to save the day and all that main character jazz, but I honestly have always been incredibly attracted to supporting characters. I think this is, again, one of those I Can't Read Like A Writer problems.
Another big problem with this story is that I based all of the important plot parts around politics, which I don't actually know anything about. And I'm not talking just American politics, which are kind of boring when you think about it, I'm talking about like, "Let's kill that guy and take his throne because he has better land!" Or whatever. I still can't actually figure out why they killed Henri's dad in the first place. *face palm*
My other story, I decided, would be something I'm more knowledgeable about; horror. And then it turns out that I don't know ANYTHING about horror. I don't watch scary movies, I hate Stephen King because I think he's a hack (I'm really sorry to all the people I'm sure to have just pissed off) and all the gruesome things in novels seem to be like, detective stories and serial killer s**t, which I don't really care about either.
I like zombies, and I like monsters, and I like dinosaurs. I don't think it's cool when people run around and try to chop each other up because they're bored or whatever; I mean what the hell is that s**t about anyway?! I like really scary situations that forces people to evolve into something better than they were, you know? I'm a hippy, I'm not gonna lie; I dig on the looooove.
I know it's weird to try and say that I just want to love everybody when I'm so into survival horror, but I think my drive to be scared sort of derives from my panic disorder, which I used to take medication for, and from my childhood. I LOVE ghost stories, and I had, and still have, a lot of nightmares. And I don't know about you, but I just have this horrible lust for old, rusty decaying things. Like that house in Fight Club? DO WANT.
Oh I just got so off track. See my damage? Totally A.D.D. Where was I...? OH YEAH, okay so I wanted to sort of do something where I could take my nightmares and sort of craft them into something meaningful; I have very vivid dreams, nightmares or no, and they're a huge source of inspiration for me! The nightmares just stick out a little more in my mind, I guess. To be honest, this story started off as a huge fangirl wank (such a wank, oh lord) that crossed Silent Hill 4 with Resident Evil 4, or more specifically, I thought it would be a really great idea to stuff Henry Townshend and Leon S Kennedy into a bar together. Idk, I'm sorry, I couldn't help it at the time.
Henry is one of my favorite survival horror characters just because he's so wrong for the part, and I desperately wanted to explore that in a character. The more and more I wrote about them, the more fun I realized I was having, and I was like, "There no way I can just sit around and let this be a fanfic if I'm going to put this much effort into it!"
Only now I've been faced with the huge process of re-telling two very important back-stories in a completely new way as I make the boys completely my own characters. For some reason, particularly with Henry, this is hard for me, mostly because of how horrible the things that happened to him in Silent Hill 4 were. I'm having less trouble killing people I like off in this, though; I've slated two of my favorite characters to die already. *sob* It helps a little bit that they were old characters that I brought into the story to save time in coming up with new ones (they weren't doing anything, so I thought why not) and I'd actually killed them off subtly in the other things they'd been in a long time ago, so I was used to the idea of them being dead. :/
Okay, and here's what I think my biggest problem with both of these stories are: I have NO CONFLICT. No villain. Usually all they're up against is, "Why am I here? I don't want to be here anymore. I think I'll leave." And pretty much they do. And then I'm like "ALRIGHT, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Let's go get wasted!"
And, inevitably, nothing gets done.
So there you go, my problem in a very large nutshell. Yeah, I know I talk a lot. I get super loquacious when I get excited/passionate about something, and my stories definitely fall into that category. I could rant for hours, honestly. neutral
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 11:06 am
Wow that's a lot to process and reply to..
But first of all, welcome ^^
Heh sometimes I do that too, which can get rather overwhelming for those talking to as well as myself
With writing, sometimes when I get stuck I move to the end to have what I want to have happen be written out. Then I go back to the beginning and fill in the gaps from there (Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold was written entirely like that) but sometimes I just have to leave it alone for a while (which is one reason why since 2002 I've been working on Project Chanthar but haven't gotten anywhere substantial.. As well as about 3 of every 4 I start on lol)
Hm dunno what else to say at the moment ..
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 1:49 pm
You're totally right, I know I talk a lot! I have a lot of problems to go over, though XD Thank you for trying to respond anyway; I wasn't expecting quick answers, and just your support for my condition is heartening. whee
That sounds like a really good method! But I sort of get frustrated with myself at this point, because the biggest problem is that I don't really know what I want to happen. rolleyes It seems like it should be so cut and dry! But for me it's just confusing. crying I think it's because I'm a very roll-with-the-punches kind of girl, and I have no idea what it's like to be goal-oriented.
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 6:09 pm
Yeah I know.
Usually I start with an idea, or a part of one, and go from there
But those stories where I have a clue are becoming less and less..
Usually those become somewhat formula-like, but meh like you said, they're there because they work. Though, trying to make them different and so on is wild.
I never really stick to one genre though, cause that seems the most formulaic -ponders- but anyway I hope you can get out and get more of your stories done
Glad I could help, even if I don't feel I did all that much ^^;
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DesertRoseFallen Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 1:08 am
Welcome Liz! It's always nice to have a new face around here.
You've come to the right place to try and start a goal (I'm not that good either) Currently I'm working on two stories but hey, it works xD
Don't worry about talking a lot, I do it to. I never know when to shut up most of the time. Btw, I'm a huge fan of silent hills and Ressive evils cool
I think the best thing you could do for a villian is, what makes you scared? Try and draft out a few villians on a piece of paper to get your brain up and running. It's not always that easy but in the end, you will come up with at least one idea you like.
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Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 3:17 am
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Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 8:14 pm
scream THIS IS SRS BSNES WYMN.
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Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 8:23 pm
DesertRoseFallen Don't worry about talking a lot, I do it to. I never know when to shut up most of the time. Btw, I'm a huge fan of silent hills and Ressive evils cool
I think the best thing you could do for a villian is, what makes you scared? Try and draft out a few villians on a piece of paper to get your brain up and running. It's not always that easy but in the end, you will come up with at least one idea you like.
And you know what, that's seriously great advice. I have no idea why I never thought of it. sweatdrop Thank you! I'm totally going to be doing this now!
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Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 4:27 am
Carnemire scream THIS IS SRS BSNES WYMN. Hey, dixie cups are super serious business, woman!
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Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 9:40 am
Carnemire DesertRoseFallen Don't worry about talking a lot, I do it to. I never know when to shut up most of the time. Btw, I'm a huge fan of silent hills and Ressive evils cool
I think the best thing you could do for a villian is, what makes you scared? Try and draft out a few villians on a piece of paper to get your brain up and running. It's not always that easy but in the end, you will come up with at least one idea you like.
And you know what, that's seriously great advice. I have no idea why I never thought of it. sweatdrop Thank you! I'm totally going to be doing this now!Haha pleased to know I'm liked. I can't wait until the new Resident Evil comes out whee
Let me know if my advice did anything useful xD
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DesertRoseFallen Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 7:07 pm
sally_black Carnemire scream THIS IS SRS BSNES WYMN. Hey, dixie cups are super serious business, woman!
Yeah, there's a huge bottle of Stoli next to my computer. The dixi cup is pretty gay, though, it has little gingerbread people baking, which I think is the gingerbread equivalent to porn.... on a cup. Two guys and one chick. It's pretty crazy.
You know either that, or they're like some fascist regime creating military clones, you know? There's a bunch of creepy, uniform gingerbread men on the side, still in their cutters. It's creepy as hell.
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Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 4:15 am
Carnemire sally_black Carnemire scream THIS IS SRS BSNES WYMN. Hey, dixie cups are super serious business, woman!
Yeah, there's a huge bottle of Stoli next to my computer. The dixi cup is pretty gay, though, it has little gingerbread people baking, which I think is the gingerbread equivalent to porn.... on a cup. Two guys and one chick. It's pretty crazy.
You know either that, or they're like some fascist regime creating military clones, you know? There's a bunch of creepy, uniform gingerbread men on the side, still in their cutters. It's creepy as hell.In Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, there is a long conversation about the proper use of dixie cups, which was... well, Jay said it. Although come to think of it, it might have been in the deleted scenes... Anyway, I once had a long standing joke with Sara H in M&S about it, and as a parting gift at the end of highschool, she gave me a box of dixie cups. I think I still have them in a box labeled "kitchen crap." When I get back, I can bust them out and we'll have a party with stoli and use the dixie cups as shot glasses. It'll be swell.
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DesertRoseFallen Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 11:34 am
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Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:00 am
I had the creepiest freaking nightmare this morning, and since this is my little journal thingy, I feel compelled to briefly detail it here. Also, since I sighted my dreams as inspiration for my horror stories, I think it's appropriate to give an example or two smile
So I don't remember most of the beginning, but I was out in the middle of a mountain field, on top of a big, ugly sort of 70s van... It was very nice, very Colorado meadow (we have low oxygen/high altitude, tons of granite in the soil and not a lot of rain, so we're pretty much almost a desert out here. We have really, really fun wild flowers, though.) We (my friend Anna and I) were parked off some highway, drinking beer and taking in the sun when a police car on the highway spotted us and apparently decided we were being delinquents. At which point we were like EFF THE COPS and started driving off... still on top of the van? I'm not sure. I actually remember thinking, "How the hell am I driving this if I'm not inside it?" but then deciding it was too awesome to question.
So we go up this old road, up to some tourist attraction that was like half Pike's Peak, half Garden of the Gods... I swear I've dreamed about it before, because it was really familiar. It was all layers of red rock, almost like they'd been quarried, but a really long time ago? Because all the desert grass was already growing all over everything.
So as we're zooming over to this lovely landscape, I look behind us to check if we're still being pursued by the fuzz, and we are... But we're also being pursued by a large, angry cloud of flesh-eating, flying red ants. For whatever reason I was immediately like, "THEY FOUND ME!" though I'm not sure if it was in reference to some earlier part of the dream that I've since forgotten or what, but they over took the cop car, ate everybody, and kept on after us. In an attempt to save Anna, I told her to hide and keep away from me, because it wasn't her they were after, it was me.
I jumped off the van and took off running in another direction, toward a rest stop, which I thought maybe I could hide in, right? Well I have a sort of history with bathrooms in my dreams... if there's a bathroom, it's always covered in gore. I have no idea why, but it's always been that way. I have nightmares about public restrooms all the time. (wtf) This, of course, was no exception to the rule. I went into the men's bathroom because it was the closest to me, and it was, for some reason pretty sparse. Just dirty, 2inx2in streaking, cream tile, and a shower-head in the middle of the wall, shaped like a gargoyle, spitting water, which, as soon as I stepped inside, started turning slowly into blood.
At this point, I was like, "Yeah, alright," even when it started soaking me. I mean, as long as I wasn't being picked apart by tiny, vicious carnivores, I was chill. I could deal with a blood shower. After a while it got annoying, though, especially when more gargoyles appeared (in the way that things in dreams do) to join in the fun. I decided it was about time to put a stop to this nonsense, and looked up to find an arrow in the wall (which was bleeding as though wounded) and I pulled that sucker out and, with the aid of a cross bow hanging conveniently from the head to my left, I managed to hit some lever/button thing near the door, which turned off the showers and opened up a hole in the wall.
I figured I couldn't really go back outside, and so I might as well press on. It was better than being soaked in Hepatitis/AIDS or whatever, right? Well inside was just more guy's bathroom. It was actually more of an infinite locker room maze from what I saw, to be honest, but there was a sink, and I used it to get some of the sticky, coagulating blood out of my hair. Meanwhile, there were a couple guys wondering around like nothing was wrong, and I was actually starting to feel weird that I was in the guy's locker room when this older man with a clean-clipped, gray goatee approached me. I was like neutral all stringy and filthy and awkward, but he didn't seem to mind.
Dude knew why I was there, like, he knew more about whatever was going on then I did, and he was being all mysterious and pain in my a**, you know? Like just tell me what's going on, a*****e. He was really kind, though, and he told me I needed to keep moving or I'd be eaten (they were still after me!) so I took my bow and lumbered off into the poorly-lit, bloody recesses of the men's toilet, pushing open rusty stalls, looking for whatever might be useful. Some of them had nothing inside, like no floor, nothing. Just infinite abyss. I was like "AWAY!" and avoided those, but others were pretty gnarly and full of rusty, bloody things.
Anyway, then my alarm went off for the third time, and I was late for class. xd It's a little paper cup. Dixie also makes paper plates and plastic silverware. 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 11:01 am
Last night I had a dream that I got in a battle with a mountain lion. >.> AND WON. HELL YEAH.
Anyway, that aside, today while I was going through threads I hadn't had time to read over yet, I found Vita Est Somnium recommending Limyaaels Rants. I've started reading through them, and gosh! They are immensely helpful and full of the kind of passion about good writing that inspires you to start thinking about things you'd given up on. Or, more specifically, things I'd given up on, like Henri's character, and what wasn't interesting about it for me as the author.
I know that typically my inspiration-gasms are short lived, but I'm hoping that maybe this will stick with me a little longer. I've been very stubborn about not taking writing classes, but I feel like her site, and her essays (really) are almost better! With the exception of that I don't have an instructor to give me specific guidance, but maybe it's even better that I muddle through all this myself. smile
Less specifically helpful, I was also going through a list of sources that inspired the creation of the Silent Hill series, and I have just discovered Portishead. There's definitely a part of me that is easily seduced by ethereal, moody, creepy music. Plus, the music video for Only You is mega eerie/cool. whee I feel kind of pop-y lately, but I LOVE the music video for Rihanna's Disturbia so much.
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