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 Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 4:31 am
I have a very distressing problem...
I live with my boyfriend, I don't have any qualifications besides graduating highschool, I don'y have a drivers licence or a car. And I'm only working as a temp.
Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years and living with him for 1. He is jealous, controlling and believes HE IS MASTER. I treats me like Im the maid and toy.
I'm not allowed to do anything he doesnt want me to, including visiting or keeping in touch with my family. And yet I have to do any thing he wants to.
I do love him but it feels as if he just isn't that into me.
I'd have left him by now if had somewhere to go. But I don't....
Please help? Anyone?
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 4:52 am
I believe you are in a very dangerous situation. Your BF is showing all the classic signs of an abuser (physical and mental). GET OUT NOW! Go to your family for help. See if they will take you in temporarily at least. You then need to take some classes to prepare yourself for a full time job. Maybe something in computers. The longer you stay with him the worse it will get. You can't "love" someone who treats you like he does. He will promise to "change" to keep you with him, but if you stay he'll revert to treating you badly.
I wish you good luck...
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 5:38 am
Thanks but Ive tried that... My step dad practically chased me out, my dad has been dead for 4 years, my older brother is a bum and my grandmother is over the hill... I don't really have any family member that I can rely on... crying
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 6:39 am
Go to friends for help. And if you don't have friends, make some. This is your life to live. He doesn't get to control you. There is always a way out, finding it and having the courage to make the leap is the hard part.
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 8:16 am
If you feel like you have no where else to turn, then take my advice and look up a shelter. Almost every major city in the country has a shelter of one sort or another for women who are attempting to escape dangerous relationships. Most are also geared towards providing counseling and job assistance, which to me, sounds to be just what you need.
Whatever you do, or think, remember that you are a human being and entitled to be free to live your own life. Anyone that refuses to acknowledge and accept that is not to trusted, much less loved. Take of yourself.
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 8:58 am
I live in SOUTH AFRICA... We don't have any wonderful shelters like that. crying But I really appreciate the advice, I just wish I had friends living close to me, all of them are chat friends far away that I've never met... confused
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:37 pm
Despite what you said about your family, things tend to change when personal safety is involved. Even if your brother is a bum, if he's got a roof over his head its better than risking your life in a dangerous situation.
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 7:15 pm
Original_DraconicFeline I live in SOUTH AFRICA... We don't have any wonderful shelters like that. crying But I really appreciate the advice, I just wish I had friends living close to me, all of them are chat friends far away that I've never met... confused In some parts of the world a situation like yours is commonplace, but YOU are responsible to make changes in your life. Like another said even if your brother is a bum, if he has a roof over his head it can be a start. but you have to make a choice. God or whatever power you believe in does not close a door without opening a window. There is always a way. You mustn't lack the courage to do it. cry
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Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 6:40 am
reibainokami Despite what you said about your family, things tend to change when personal safety is involved. Might consider your mother and going around the stepfather. This sounds commonplace indeed. Your priority should be getting to safety, whatever it looks like. Worse comes to worse, take what you can and jet if it's that or your wellbeing. Be careful.
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 11:11 am
Do you have any friends that you can stay with for an extended time while you try and reach out to family? Someone else posted this before... situations change when personal safety is a concern, so instead of feeling like you are imposing in on family that you've had limited contact with in the past, stay with friends while you repair those relationships.
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Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 7:03 am
That boyfriend of yours knows all your weaknesses. He knows where to strike. So, if you have a way to get out, then go head...Only you alone can solve that..Just have the courage to do what is right..Enjoy life... smile
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Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 6:31 pm
Just as LuckyLass said, those are all common signs of an abuser ~ seperate you from your family, make you feel you are nothing without him... etc.
In almost every case, it will only get worse... find a way out if at all possible ~ your life could very well depend on it.
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Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 9:12 pm
I'm speaking from exsperience. I've been in this situation before. You have to find a way out while you can. Things are already looking bad, but you don't want it to get to the point were your life could be in danger. Because right now that's what's gonna be next. Talk with a friend and see if you can live with them, or go back home to your parents. Coming from a woman who has dealt with domestic violence before, GET OUT NOW!!!!
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Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 1:54 am
Is it really that bad? I made friend recently that is prepared to help and it would be a HUGE life change.
The worst part of all this is that I made him this way, he was extremely over protective in the begining and I felt smothered, and that caused me to chea on him twice. i doubt he will ever forgive me. And in the year that we have been living together I have done everything to try and make it up to him and except for the occasional bad mood he has been treating me relatively well. I just don't want to jet away and waste all my hard work. I wish there was a way I could be certain as to whether he will ever treat me as an equal.
So I am caught between a new chance at life or a chance at repairing this one... crying
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