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a problem that i need help withthatsnotsexpregnancyorpuberty

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i dont know what to do?
  tell her to go f*** herself because this isnt your problem
  help her as best you can but if something bad happens its not your fault
  PERSON DOING THIS POLL: if you dont help her to the ful extent that you can i will hunt you down and gut you like a fish
  dont worry i will help you, what is her email so i can try to talk some sence into her
  run around in circles then curl up into a little ball on the floor awaitning death
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dead_eye_24

PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:48 am


but i have a problem that i need to deal with but i am so overwhelmed with it that i have gone into a spiral of deppression... and ya... but thats not the problem at hand, and as problems go this is a doosey, i am gonna prepose it in the gugild too, alright, here goes, my ex, she has found herself with lung cancer, begining stages so the doctors can get it fixed, but if they dont then she has till christmas to live, but the isue with that is that she doesnt feel that she has any reason to live, her family (from what she has told me) have disowned her, her only family left are her mother who spends the time she is awake on the computer or taking care of her brother who um... needs extra attention, i am not sure what the doctors call it, but its that thing where somones mind is the mind of a child.... ya, and her grandpa who gives her her allowence, which she spends on ciggarretes, her mother is on government assistance, her only freinds are druggies and smokers so she "cant" stop smoking, and she doesnt want to, sheis up to 1 ciggarrete every half hour... i have no idea what i can do to help her, she is borderline psycotic, that meens she is on the verge of killing herself... and i am going over there on saturday or possibly tommorrow depending on what day i work... and ya, i just dont know what i can do to help her or like make her feel better about herself or about life, the few ideas that i had were things like finding thigs she likes and finding people who like the same things, i dont know... i guess i dont have a specific question... but ya, thats my problem that she has placed upon me, and now i am scared that i will make the wrong desision... i dunno.... but thats what i have been up to, and i was feeling better up until last night when she called and told me about this... and ya.... now i am in a spiral of depression all over again... but that is not the issue at hand, ... ya....
PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 9:00 am


1) I'm sorry to hear she's not doing well. sad

2) She has to want to help herself for her to get better. I know nothing can really be done about the lung cancer, except maybe with things like radiation or chemotherapy treatment (I don't know what you'd use to treat lung cancer, sorry, those were just examples), but other things she can change.
- Continuing to smoke isn't going to help herself. She needs to stop spending her "allowance" on cigarettes. That will only make the cancer worse, and that's not good because right now it's only in the beginning stages I think you said, right?
- She can look into counselling or therapy, to help her deal with her cancer and the fact that she might not live for much longer.
- She could look into a support group for smokers.
- You and her other friends can rally around her for support. Let her know she can call/e-mail at any time if she needs help or wants to talk to, visit her if she wants company, etc.

3) I don't know what else can be done. I'm guessing she's your age, and by that point, most people know that smoking can cause cancer... Although I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone, so I'm still sorry to hear about it.
If she wants to live, it will be up to her. You and everyone else can give her as much support as you can, because she'll probably want/need it at some point, but the decision to live or give up on life is up to her.

Nikolita
Captain


dead_eye_24

PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 9:11 am


thank you, she is turning 16 this year, but she doesnt want to live, she feels she has no friends that people ignor her that her family hates her, sooooo many things that i dont know how to help because she absolutly wont do things that she doesnt want to do, i have treid and tried and tried, but nothing seems to help, all i seem to do is make things worse
she doesnt want to stop smoking, for one thing she says it makes her feel good, and it gives her something in common with her freinds who also smoke
i am sorry i am arguing with your advice, i really appreciate your help, but she doesnt listen to me, and i dont know what i can do
PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 9:57 am


dead_eye_24
thank you, she is turning 16 this year, but she doesnt want to live, she feels she has no friends that people ignor her that her family hates her, sooooo many things that i dont know how to help because she absolutly wont do things that she doesnt want to do, i have treid and tried and tried, but nothing seems to help, all i seem to do is make things worse
she doesnt want to stop smoking, for one thing she says it makes her feel good, and it gives her something in common with her freinds who also smoke
i am sorry i am arguing with your advice, i really appreciate your help, but she doesnt listen to me, and i dont know what i can do

It's fine, it's just advice. smile

But maybe there's nothing else you can do. If you support her, and her friends support her, and she still doesn't want to live... realistically, what can you do? She was to want to live, to want to get better. That's something she'll have to decide on her own.

Nikolita
Captain


MST3Kakalina

PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 2:36 pm


i'm sorry to hear things aren't going well for her.


do you know her in real life?
PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 3:52 pm


she was my girlfreind, not inside of gaia

dead_eye_24


samui_blood

PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 9:23 pm


Do you still love her? Maybe you could suggest that she stay alive for you and her grandpa. He does give her money which means he loves her. She might not be spending her money wisely but she doesn't want to live. There's not much to do about that until she realizes that life is worth living not for others but for herself. It's hard sometimes, I'm a very pessimistic person and I have borderline personality disorder too. An hour ago I was going to skip school tomorrow and cut myself all day until I felt like living or until I died.

It's hard to help people that just don't want to be helped. Trying convincing her that life is worth living out, just for the curiousity of it.
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 2:55 am


Hard as it may be, this is her issue. If you are getting into a depression over it you need distance and a doctor's help. She needs to make her choice and than deal with it. If it is killing you to watch her go then tellher how it is affecting you and that you feel very strongly that you cannot just sit by and watch her die, if she continues this course then you have to back off. If you want to be a good friend respect her decision. I know it is hard to watch someone let herself go, but cancer at a young age is hell to deal with, yes the doc's can help but some people feel that the treatment is worse than the disease. I would never advocate suicide or even avoiding medical treatment when needed, but I do believe in the right to die with dignaty if that is her choice.

The rest of it is irrelevant, I am sorry her mom is dealing with a mentally chalenged child as well as loosing another... she will need support too. Does she know her daughter is dying? I find it hard to believe that her mom has done nothing, but perhaps they have discussed it.

Krystlanna


MessiahComplex

PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2006 9:04 pm


You just have to help her. Be there for her. All you have to do is listen and comfort her. Don't force her, but try to convice her life is worth living.
PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 8:51 pm


I'm sorry. try to talk some sense into er maybe she might listen to you. you can ask some adults to help the girl for assisitance. Try to introduce her to some of your friends who are not smoking cigs, maybe that'll help her to stop smoking.

StreetchIck123

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