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 Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 12:21 pm
 "Okay... Okay." Mkia said out loud, reassuring herself once more. She really needed to leave her adopted brother and his mate alone, for she was rather certain that she was getting in their way, and she didn't want that... But she still really hadn't gotten a hold of this whole 'being alone' thing yet. Oh, she was certain she would -some day- but right now... she could not say that she was improving very quickly.
Still... her adopted family of hybrids had said that she seemed much happier lately, since she had been around all of them. And she had been... but she sensed it was time for her to move on her way again. Alone.
"One foot in front of the other... one foot in front of the other." She inisted, mostly towards her feet. They weren't being entirely cooperative, and that was extremely annoying.
But still... she couldn't help but smile. She was out and about again, ready to go on her way. Out into the big, wide world that she had seen so little of... and the sights she could see now, "Just think of all that's out there..." Alone. She would be seeing all that was out there alone. That thought made her cower again.
"Man... come on Mkia, you can do this!" But it all felt so lonely when she was left talking to herself...
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Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:33 pm
 The female looked around, bright blue eyes scanning the area carefully. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to be around. So perhaps he hadn’t meant that he would actually be watching her all of the time after all. She sat in the middle of a vast clearing, dried grass and small bugs her only company in the early day. There was no place for a massive male lion to hide even if he was an extremely quick and cunning creature. Not that was close enough to keep her from doing anything she felt like doing.
If she tried slicing open her own neck, it wouldn’t matter at all. He wouldn’t be able to stop her. Not… that she wanted to kill herself, but the fact remained.
For the moment, she was free.
Sighing softly, relieved in spite of her mind constantly telling her that she wasn’t frightened of him, Sinasina finally allowed her body to relax, falling against the ground gracefully. She smiled to herself, though the expression was a hallow mask to express disconnected pleasure in that singular moment or realization. On the whole, she was still very much miserable.
Pregnant with some strange lion’s demon spawn, and miserable.
Ears perking forward, the female craned her neck, peering over her shoulder as she heard someone coming closer. For a moment, she thought she had been wrong, but soon discovered it was only another female creature heading her way. One that looked quite forlorn. A common trait in ladies, it seemed.
“Hello there,” she offered faintly, “something bothering you?”
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:15 pm
Mkia looked up, her ears perking up as soon as she heard another voice. At least she didn't jump and scream... that happened sometimes. But now she only smiled, her mood seeming to improve significantly from one second to the next, "Oh! No, I'm fine... Just..." She glanced over her shoulder and sighed, "Just saying... goodbye I guess. Time for me to..." She gulped, "Time for me to be on my own... Say goodbye to all my friends..."
On her own... she had never done well on her own. She had never even been on her own for more than a few hours before... She just lept from one person to the next, finding someone she could cling too... before she up and left.
She glanced at the leopardess who stood before her. She seemed to be... well, she wouldn't say that the other leopardess seemed distressed about something. But still... she had found someone. It had never meant who that someone was, she just wanted... someone.
"Are you alright?" She asked, countering with her own question.
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:40 pm
“First time on your own?” mused the female, smiling. It was always frightening to be out on one’s own for the first time. At least, so she had been told. For her loneliness was something she had grown up with thanks to her mother. Sighing softly, she tried not to reflect on it, wanting to be comforting to this creature. If she dwelled too long on her own troubles, she wouldn’t be able to help anyone- too gloomy to do anything but plop down or look for someone to have sex with.
And seeing as this was a girl she was now speaking to, the latter was out of the question.
Blinking, she looked back at the creature, unaware that her stance had given away her thoughts. So must have looked more upset than she had been imagining.
Darnit.
“I’m alright,” she offered in response, “I was just thinking, that’s all. So tell me, do you have any destination in mind? I might be able to help you if you’re looking for something. Oh, and my name is Sinasina.”
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:00 pm
Mkia smiled a little, "Mkia... My name is Mkia. And no... no plan, not really... I've never been much of a plan person..." She admitted quietly, "I'm sorta just... Looking for someone who won't leave me." She laughed a little, "It sounds wierd... but... I either want to find someone who will never leave, or I want to be strong enough to be alone."
She laughed, waving it off, "It's kinda stupid... What about you? What are you wandering around for?" She had noticed that the lioness hadn't answered her... maybe she didn't want to. Mkia supposed that was fair... but she wasn't used to people who didn't want to talk to her.
"Who knows? Maybe I can help you... but I doubt it. I don't know where anything is out here." She shrugged.
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:12 pm
“Me either,” she laughed in response, “I like to just go out and do things, so I understand completely.” She didn’t mention the whole ‘mate with anyone just for fun’ thing that she had going on whenever she felt a little bit depressed or even bored. Maybe that was –too- much information to share with someone she had only just met.
“You don’t seem stupid to me,” she offered, then sighed, “I’m out here just to think for a little while. I’ve had some recent troubles and I was trying to get some perspective. But the sky doesn’t offer much in terms of wisdom.”
She chuckled at the notion of help, though it was well-intended and appreciated. “I don’t know if you’d want to hang around me once you found out what happened.”
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:45 pm
"I'm glad I'm not the only one wandering around with no real plan in sight." Mkia laughed happily, seeming to be in a rapidly better mood the longer she spoke with the other leopardess, "There's nothing wrong with not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow..."
Then she shook her head, looking off into the distant sky, "No... the sky doesn't have much to say at all... I've never been a big fan of it... or... wide open spaces... really..." Not that she was scared of the wide-open spaces. Just that... the only time she noticed that wide-open spaces were when she was... very, very alone.
"Oh, I can safely say that unless you take strangers off into the bush and murder them..." Mkia smiled a little, hanging her head, "Nothing you can do or say will likely drive me off..." She glanced over, "I have... problems of my own... which are also pretty stupid... I don't know if you'd want to hang around me if you knew.
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:53 pm
“It’s true,” agreed Sinasina, “though I suppose there is a decidedly greater risk in just leaving things for fate to decide, isn’t there?” she had learned that one several times over already, and probably wasn’t done with the lesson just yet either.
The more she spoke to the other, the more she wanted to keep talking. That was more the reason for her eventually caving in than anything else.
“Well…” she took a deep breath, “I mated with an insane adult lion who pretty much only wants a boy cub out of me and now I’m pregnant. I don’t want to be a mother and I don’t know what’s going to happen if I only pop out one girl or if there’s more than one and he doesn’t want to take care of them. I’m not going to. He’s stalking me to make sure I don’t do anything he doesn’t like. All I want is to do is escape or find a way to make it like none of this ever happened. Hmmm… oh, and I only mated with him because I wanted to take my mind off something depressing I had been thinking about.” She smiled at that, grunting at her own explanation.
“I’ll trade whatever your problems are for mine.”
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:07 pm
"Fate has... an incredibly nasty sense of humor." Mkia agreed, hanging her head, though she still smiled.
And then she listened. And she had to admit, that was a pretty nasty situation her new friend had run into. She she put in her two cents, "Well... I... I'm sort of terrified of being alone. So terrified that if I stay there too long, I start screaming and shouting until I pass out, then I wake up, and I do it again." She shrugged, "And I also happened to be stupid enough to travel by myself... That's all I got."
Then she looked thoughtful, "And maybe you can't solve my problem... But maybe I can help you escape yours?" She suggested, "I mean... I don't know the forward motion of where I'm going so well... but I lived back there," She pointed over her shoulder, "my whole life, and I was afraid to move more than a few feet away from my parents. So I know back there very, very, very well... I could hide you." She scratched her head, "Though... I'm not sure how to help you with cubs you don't want..."
She smiled and shrugged, "And to be honest... I don't think you've done anything wrong. Maybe you're just... stupid, like me. We do stupid things when we're lonely, and then we just get into more trouble."
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:18 pm
“I would take being frightened of being alone,” she sighed, looking up at the sky. It remained as silent as ever, offering her no insight, “I don’t think I’m stupid. I know I’m not, actually. I just… feel so empty sometimes. The only thing that makes me feel whole again is… well… -it-.” She sighed, the mere thought of intercourse making her wiggle. “Before this incident, I liked to flirt with a lot of males. I don’t know what gave me the idea to agree to having children… I suppose I thought I wouldn’t actually get pregnant. Never in the past has it happened. I was starting to think there was something wrong inside of me that made it impossible to have children,” a then bitter chuckled passed through his fangs.
“Seems I was wrong to think that.”
She tried to smile, shaking her head at the kind female’s offers to assist her more. “Just talking about it had been a big help. Besides, I think hiding from him would just make him more upset. And I don’t want to do anything that will put you into any kind of danger. I’ll find… something to do. I know it.” She decided to change the subject at that.
“I think I can help you with your problem. At least, I can offer you my services. If you ever feel too alone, this it the area I tend to stay in. You can come looking for me and I’ll help you out, sound fair?”
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:33 pm
"Well... if you're willing to be around every second of every day of existence... then yeah, sure, you'll help..." Mkia admitted with a small sigh, "But... living like this... needing other people all the time it isn't fun. It isn't worth it..." She sighed, "And I hate it... and I wish I could be alone... I'd trade with you. To not be afraid anymore... I'd take cubs and demon-lions and sleeping with someone to feel better... because this never gets better. It doesn't go away... even when I'm with people... I'm always afraid they'll leave..."
She shook her head, "We both suck. Is it something with us leopardesses where we can't be right?" Mkia wondered out loud, "Where bad things happen to us when we're not bad? I mean... we're nice to each other, we try to help each other... but we still get screwed. We have demon spawn and scream until we pass out."
Mkia then smiled at the other leopardess and shrugged, "So no... I don't think anything in life is fair. But we try anyway. So... maybe I can help you at least a little, and maybe you can help me at least a little... because a little means a lot, eh?"
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:42 pm
Laughing, the female could only decline the thought. “Well, I suppose I wouldn’t be able to be around ALL of the time,” she mused through a hum, “but maybe I can be sort of a transitional tool for you, you know? Instead of just trying to be on your own completely out of the blue like this, it might be better to have someone who you can visit if you need it that isn’t someone you’ve depended on in the past. So eventually you’ll be so used to being on your own you won’t have to come around so much and things will get better for you. I won’t leave. I can’t with my crazy mate keeping eye on me all of the time, now can I? So you don’t have to worry about that,” she smiled, trying her best to get the female to feel better about things.
“It’s a brave thing you’re doing. I don’t think you should look so gloomy! You’re going to be fine. I’ll help you see that. No point thinking about how bad things are anymore, not for either of us. I’ll look to the future if you look their with me.”
She knew it would be hard, but she was also tired of being frightened. There had to be some way to get past it. Perhaps they could figure that out together. “You’re right. I think we should help each other, even if neither of us actually thinks the other can do anything.”
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 5:08 pm
Mkia smiled, liking the way that the other leopardess thought. Perhaps... she could help. Maybe Mkia could learn to be alone... and that hurt, just to think about, but it also made her happy. And it made her want to help all the more... But what could she do?
"Okay... I like that plan. But I want to help you too," She tried to think again, "So... you don't like cubs, right? And you're going to have some... and if this demon-lion doesn't take them all... Maybe... I guess I could..." She shrugged, "I hate being alone, and cubs are... well, not no one. If you don't want them... I'll watch them for you. Then you can go back to doing whatever you want to do."
She grinned a little more, "Then maybe you and I can both get out there and do everything we want to do. Because I don't know about you, but I hate being stuck in a life where I'm not able to do all the things I want. I don't want you to be stuck with cubs you don't want... and your cubs probably don't want to get stuck with you if you don't want them... and I don't want to be alone... And hopefully by then, Mr. Demon-Spawn will have chucked himself across Africa, and he'll leave you alone."
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 5:27 pm
“I wouldn’t want to burden you,” Sinasina insisted, frowning. To her, children were nothing but giant bothers. Handing the cubs, if she had more than one, over to Mkia seemed like a really big deal. Like she would be asking the female to give up her life to help them. That was why she didn’t want them, after all.
She wasn’t ready to give up her life.
“If… if you feel the same when it, or they, are born then we can talk about it more. For now, I don’t know. I don’t want to force you to raise them for me if it’s not really, REALLY something you want to do. It’s too early to think about it, anyway. There’s a long way to go before I have them.” It was true enough; she was had barely the belly to justify the claim of pregnancy.
“I hope he’ll be out of the picture, or be different when the cubs come. Either way, I don’t want him as he is now. And I hope we both get what we want too. I’m sure It’ll all work out in the end. Things are supposed to really suck before they get really good, right?”
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 5:44 pm
"Really? You think so?" Mkia said thoughtfully... Things always sucked more before they got better. Now wouldn't that be something? Well, then someone seriously owed Mkia some major backtaxes on her whole 'fear of being alone' thing. She felt quite done with that...
"Yeah... Yeah!" She agreed, "You know what, I bet endless good things are bound to be coming our way! Just you wait... I'll probably get over my fear, sooner or later," sooner rather than later, she hoped, "And hey, maybe you'll get lucky and that guy will take all the cubs, and then you'll be free to wander about as you like!"
She grinned, glancing over, "Who knows? It could happen. You don't know." Unlikely, but it was nice to think that maybe they could find away out of their collective mess.
It seemed like they both could use a break, "Hey, wanna grab something to eat with me? We can let you get some air before demon-spawn comes back to bother you some more... I can hide and then spring you loose for some girl-time after that, if you like."
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