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 Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 11:24 am
While my mother does not physically abuse me, I'm sure what she does is some form of verbal abuse.
This is what happened this morning, word for word:
Mom: We have to go now!! (to my XC meet)
Me: Okay, I'm coming!
Apparently this is where I "crossed the line".
(in the car.)
Mom: You shouldn't be that mean to me. (mocking) I'm Coming!
Me: uhm... thats not how I said it.
(My mom stops the car and yells at me to get out. I run back into the house and she tells me I'm not going to my XC meet, even though we can't afford to lose another girl on our already tiny team.)
Then she yelled at me for crying.
I told her I was sorry and she said: Don't even lie to me. You have been such a b***h lately, I can't believe I can put up with you. Get in the car. You're going to this goddamn meet whether you like it or not."
WTF???
Is this not verbal abuse???????????
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 1:42 pm
Okay, these are my thoughts.
1. Your mom has been under a lot of stress lately, so she's being a real b*tch
2. PMS
3. Menopause! The time when your father reminisces on the days of PMS...
4. Actual abuse.
Sorry I can't offer better options, but my mom is nearing menopause and she almost ripped my head off one day when I asked her if I could stay and a friends house when we had to go somewhere the next day...
(what's XC?)
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:40 pm
do what i do and just do what she says without question. if needed tell ur father about this. if no of this works listen to Hellsing Retard
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Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:24 pm
Totally abuse. My mother was exactly the same way. Probably a pathological liar too (pathological means that she believes her twisted interpretation of events, such as your tone of voice, is true, but that still doesn't make it right), so there's no way to deal with her.
I wish I knew what to say. I was in the same situation myself, but I never left; she taught me early on to be afraid of social workers and not to complain about the way I was treated at home. If you have the strength (I sure as hell didn't) to talk to your guidance counselor, I think it would be very helpful. If nothing else, you could get it off your chest, and have an adult tell you that you are NOT a bad person. But don't let her screwed-up view of life get to you: have confidence in yourself.
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Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 7:11 pm
eek
I dont think that that could be defined as anything other than abuse. She sounds like shes using you as an outlet to her problems, and doesnt really care about how you feel. I mean, if she was abusing you for any other reason than her own frustration, she would probably be even mroe degrading than that.
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Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 8:59 pm
Is it a recurring event that she berates you like that? I can identify with some of the things that were said, particularly the yelling at for crying ("I'll give you something to cry about!" was a popular phrase during my early childhood). However, if it's a repeated, constant thing, I'm afraid I can't identify at all; I'd just be giving you rather meaningless advice.
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Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 3:58 pm
Okay, replies:
Hellsing: 1) There is no freakin stress to be in her life!!!
2) She had a hysterectimy. (sp?)
3) same.
4) Yes!!!!! that's what I've been saying!!!
(XC= Cross Country)
Gimpy: My dad's not around.
Hassyla: I'll try to do that, but people always assume what Hellsing assumes. No one listens, not even adults.
Dragonboy: She is using me as an outlet!! She used to do that to my dad, and now that he's gone, she has to do it to me!!!
Inune: It is reccuring. Everyday. Literally. Every single freaking day she treats me like that, then talks about how I'm such a b***h to her and I don't really love her. Even though she yelled at me the last time I told her I loved her 4 years ago.
Thanks so much you guys for listening.
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Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 5:41 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 3:56 pm
Thanks so much Dragon Boy and all of you for your help!!
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Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 3:09 pm
This is going to sound crazy... but talk to her about it. Seriously. My parents, both of them, do the same stuff and much more. So talk to them - pull the 'I'll leave' card; to make sure that this isn't just a threat, ask friends if you can stay at their place for a few nights. Explain to them the situation, and they'll censor the situation to their own parents so you'll have somewhere to go. Tell your mom what's bugging you, and if she doesn't listen, just be extra cautious of the s**t that bugs her. Be downstairs waiting with your shoes on and and your coat on at the door five minutes before you need to leave. Do your chores without her having to ask. Stay ontop of your grades. ect. I know it's a pain in the a**, but it'll help her stress and therefore she'll back off. (hopefully.)
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Posted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 4:09 pm
well the only thing you can do is abuse her back
i know that sounds kinda bad and not the right thing to do
but it will teach you to stand up for yourself
and your mom will probably back down
my mom is that way and the only way to make her stop bitching at me is me being equally mean
(if that makes sense)
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Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 9:39 pm
I'm not sure if it's actual abuse, cause I'm not there to witness it. My mom and I didn't get along for quite a while once I hit middle school and throughout high school. It's like we had nothing in common any more and tensions always ran high. She would misinterpret what I'd say, or vica versa and things would be blown way out of proportion...
Chi has the right idea I think. Things went smoother between my mom and I when we stayed out of each others hair. If things got heated we walked away then talked about it calmly later.
Now I live on my own and we get along again. Your getting older and maybe she feels like she's losing you.
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Jamais Changeant Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 10:01 am
Well now I agree with Jam. Being a mother of five myself let me tell you that you might think you know what is going on in her life and mind but it is a mothers job to hide everything from their kids. Your growing up and changing and you are now fighting back all in all that is just damn disrespectful. My kids did the same and when they finally got only enough they realized that they had been acting half of the age they were. Just because you think you know she has nothing to be stressed about does not mean that it is true just like she does not understand your life - maybe you two just need to take a day and get to know each other. One day you will look back and wonder why you didnt especially if you run out of time to do it before something should happen. Dont make a regret you will have to live with for the rest of your life that could be stopped.
Just be thankful you have a mother that cares. So many kids are kicked out or abused physically and sexually the whole thing now with being abused verbally is just nuts. When I was a child my father would take a belt to my a** if I screwed up but he loved me and I loved him - I love him now even more for it cause it made me strong enough to handle the life I had to. You cant even slap your kids now when they get out of line - to me it is this that has screwed up society and left the younger group unable to handle what life is going to toss at them.
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Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 10:13 pm
My mom has a certain hereditary migraine disease, so she has a doctor's note excusing her for being a b***h. I mean, I know her English sucks, but it really crosses the line when she yells at me if I say 'whatever' or 'for pete's sake' - at this point, she (take note, she IS an idiot) demands to know who pete is. She slapped me once because I was mad that she abandoned me at a school football game (my color guard team's first halftime performance) to go to the local zoo for free beer day -_-
Total. Abuse. Simple as that. Don't let her push you around. Do you honestly think you can survive in life if you can't stand up to your p***ed mom? I'm not talking about hitting at her or something. Next time she gets on you, tell her what you honestly think of her at the moment- don't walk away and let her think, that's only gonna give her a chance to think that she's right and you're wrong. Stand your ground and perhaps endure a slap or two (they don't hurt as much as you think) and when she's got nothing to say, then neither do you. Afterwards, mothers tend to feel all guilty and come running back (approx. 10 to 20 min later) and hugging you and apologizing or trying to laugh it all off. But that might just be with mine, idk *shrugs*
Starting over also has a point, though. Sometimes parents DO need to aim their stress somewhere and kids just happen to conveniently be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It really depends on what type of person your mother is and all the factors of her life- present, past, and especially future.
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Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:59 pm
I understand what all of you are saying, but my mother has admitted to verbal abuse several times, and she does this a lot. She has admitted she only wants control over me, several times. Next time she says it, I'm recording it on my phone and using it when my parents get their divorce so I can live with my father full time.
I also think I have supressed memories because (even though I'm old enough to and know how to on my own) my mom still styles my hair (yet again, the control thing) and I freak out every time the hair dryer's wire touches me. Like, start crying. Not normal behaviour.
Please don't just write me off as some teen who is a bad kid and their mother is just punishing them. I have all A's and B's. I do all my chores. I almost never complain (actually, I'm never allowed to). I do everything I can to make her happy, but she still abuses me.
Please don't just ignore me.
Help.
also, StartingOver43, I almost cried when I read your thing. You don't believe me. I am seriously in pain. How old were you when your mother first said "I love you"? I was 13. And when she said "I'm proud of you"? Once, when I was 14, and that was sarcasm. How about "I'll never hurt you"? She never said that to me. My mom doesn't love me. And don't compare abuse, because that is not right. My friend was sexually abused from ages 12 to 14 three times a week, and she still realizes that what I'm going through is abuse. Just because my mother doesn't hit me doesn't mean what she does to me is right. She tells me I'm ugly. She tells me I'm not worth anything. I almost killed myself over that, and I still have horrible self-esteem because of her. Don't compare me.
Atra Angel: My mom doesn't hug me. She doesn't come running back. She tells me to leave the house. I spend the night with my dad. I'm grounded at both houses when I get back. That's how it works every time I try that.
Also: my mom was abused as a child. Therefore, she is far more likely to be abusive to me.
Thanks to everyone who listened to me, you're the only ones thus far who have. You're my only real friends thus far.
~Pwee.~
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