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 Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2008 7:45 am
here goes the intro. im new here. im sorika blackpaw. ive been cutting for two years and overdosing for six months. and i currently have not cut for six whole weeks *yay* but i need some advice. please dont hate me for what i am about to say. dont get me wrong. i love my dog very much. and every time after i flip out on him i feel guilty. but somehow i cant keep from taking things out on him when i am stressed. i will hit him, throw him, nearly choke him, and all of these things i would never think of doing most of the time. its a heat of the moment thing, but i dont know how to keep it from happening. it makes me want to cry every time he goes and hides from me under the bed. it makes me want to cry to know that he cannot fully trust me. but what it comes down to is that i cant seem to stop myself from hurting him like i do. and i dont think that its an alternate outlet from cutting, because i still did it back when i was still cutting. so i dont even know the exact reason why this is happening. if anybody has any ideas or advice or anything please let me know. and again, please believe me when i say i love my dog. i hate myself for doing this. i just dont know how to stop.
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 3:54 pm
Well I think the reason you abuse your dog is obvious, he's smaller than you, not fighting back, always available and will never tell anyone. I think you feel so out of control that you hurt your dog because it makes you feel powerful, and gives you a false sense of stability. I would advise you talk to someone about it, or try channeling your anger into something productive, art, music, jogging, writing. It's one thing to take your anger out on yourself, but a defenseless animal, that's not right. I hope you can find something that makes you feel happy, once you do you won't need to cut or abuse your dog. But believe me, if you continue, people will notice, and you'll just feel worse than you do now.
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 8:53 pm
If you really can't stop yourself from doing this and you can't figure out a different way to vent your frustrations, its a possibility that your brain is short circuiting somewhere. I don't mean that in a bad way either. I mean it in a strictly biological way. Your brain is pretty intrigate and can shut down and malfunction for multiple reasons. Your amygdala would be the place that is causing you to malfunction. If you've tried different ways to vent and they don't work, I seriously recommend going and speaking to someone. They can help you out and set you up with some pills that will help regulate the flow of serotonin and what not in your brain.
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Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 2:40 am
im a former meth addict and a survivor of suecide
knowing drugs and addiction and deperrsion from my own eps i believe u lash out at ur dog due to the shame and fustration and guilt u feel caused by ur drug use and hes a vonerabl animal and due to ur powerless ness agenst the drug u crave the power so u tyrant over ur dog i jnow its hard but try aa..na..orca.. a drug meeting they saved my life so its worth a shot ...... although for the programs tyo work u most whant to stop and that can be the hardest part for us users and i know the programs work i have a year of sobriegthy now so look up and face the day and take it for what its worth becuz once its gone u can never redo it .........unfortinutly drugs and suecide go hand and hand so reach reach reach out for help no exscusses becuz tommarow is allways a day away so start today my freind
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