Welcome to Gaia! ::

||♣||Hellos||♣||

I am trissygirl, you can call me triss, or trissy which ever is fin to me ^-^
I decided to post my story because I suggested a writers thread and now here it is ^-^ so I might as well.

^-^ In this thread I will be posting sections of the book I am currently working on. I'm not saying it is the greatest of books but I'm only an amateur, as is everyone who is not in the profession.

DO NOT STEAL IT PWEASE

}{What Trissy is looking for}{

I am looking for CONSTRUCTIVE critiquing!
~If you don't like it tell me WHY, and what I could change to make it better.
~If you do like it tell me why too ^-^ I always like good comments.
~Which character is your favorite? Everyone chooses favorites depending on how they strike the viewer, which is yours?
~Which character do you HATE?

}{Wait Trissy, who are they & what do they look like?}{

~~Current characters~~
Shadow Edigowa A.K.A Sha-kun, Sha-sha- Main character
Kage Maonaka A.K.A Mao- Shadow's best friend, makes many homosexual jokes to Shadow (Sha-sha is one of them)
Kai Tomoshibi A.K.A Panz-Ki- Laid back guy who takes an interest in Shadow
Kurai Assarishita A.K.A Ku-kun- Shadow's mechanic, very timid

Shadow (Sha-kun, sha-sha)

}{Well... what is it about?}{

So far the story follows Shadow through his life in pilot school. His dream is to become a Knight (If you read you will find out what a knight is) He is very talented and a valued member of the school, even though he is very quiet and sarcastic.

}{When will the next part be out?}{

Umm... depends on what I'm doing really...
During school it will take me longer to post the parts up but I'll do my best to finish it... even though I'm a slow typer ^-^

Act One: Exams

“Student number 88, report to the main room. Student number 88." The speaker called out into the hallowed chrome room. A young male stood up, his hair fell across his face.

“Sha-kun,” Shadow turned to face an orange haired boy. “Good luck.” He gave Shadow the thumbs-up sign and smiled. Shadow returned the gesture. As a quiet boy, Shadow rarely ever smiled. He entered into chrome doors adjacent to his seat, a device called a scanner was beside the door.

Shadow pulled up his sleeve to his elbow, his skin was slightly tanned. A black number was on his upper arm, it shimmered with green honeycomb patterns in the light. The scanner picked up the honeycomb pattern, “88, Edigowa Shadow-kun. Please continue.” It read out as the doors opened with a swosh.

“Welcome, 88, Please sit down.” An older looking female gestured for him to take a seat in what looked like a red plastic half dome-shaped chair. He sat. There was only one chair in this room, unlike the last room with hundreds of chairs.

The lady moved towards the chrome and plastic red coloured desk behind him. She took the only item on the desk, into her hands. It looked like a mechanical clip board. “Edigowa shadow-kun, Student number 88. Code number Ayz88. Intelligence, genius. Athletic ability, average. 98% accuracy rate with a gun. Most likely to excel as a Light pilot- estimated beginners ranking Ranpu. Expectations for the future, Fuwa Fuwa.” she read.

Darks and lights; humanoid machineries, used to massacre thousands of innocent Daku and opposing countries from the east. Darks are for the Daku who were forced to enlist into the army, currently there are 10,000 Daku pilots. Darks are low-ranking, and easily destroyed. It is very rare that a Daku could become one of the Light pilots.

Lights are for the Lisu, they are harder to destroy. Currently 50,010 Lisu pilots are enlisted. Unlike the Darks, all being low-class, Lights are ranked through skill of the pilot. The more skill, the better mechanic, equipment and Light you posses.

Pawns- the lowest rank in the Lights, they are reserved for average skilled pilots. They have the worst lights of the group. 30,000 pilots belong to this group.

Ranpu- above-average pilots. Their machines are slightly more skilled then the pawns. 15,000 are in this classification.

Fuwa Fuwa- pilots who are classified as exceptional. Only 5,000 pilots are in this group, they have high class equipment and mechanics. Renowned and skilled, they are the second favorite of the classification.

“Therefore we are two of the same. We are all humans.” Shadow explained letting go of the boys arm and rolling down his sleeve.

The boy stood, soaking in the information that Shadow had told him. “Of the same?” He said half to himself half to Shadow.

“Yup, that’s Sha-kun for you. Always seeing things from different angles.” Mao laughed.

“MD147, Assarishita Kurai.” The purple haired boy said. He looked up, his blue eyes remorseful. He wore a black and gold uniform, and was quite short, he only came up to Shadows’ chin.

“Wahoo! Welcome to our mixed matched family, Ku-kun!” Mao cheered putting Kuri and Shadow into a head lock.

“Ah, what he said.” Shadow choked.

“Thank-you.” Kuri smiled shyly.

“Student number 88, please come to the stadium, your exam will begin in five minutes. Student number 88.” The feminine voice trailed over the noise in the hanger. Some smiles were apparent through out the hanger, they wanted to watch the exam.

“Um, Shadow-kun.” Kuri said shyly and uncertain. Shadow looked at the boy waiting for him to speak again. “These machines are not the best, and I’m not allowed to tell you what the problem is with the machine, but I can tell you that it is fixable from the main control. It is part of your exam to either fight with the problem or to fix it. So far, no one has fixed it.”

“Thank-you. That will come in handy.” Shadow said as he strolled over to the Dark. Darks were more geometric, and rugged. He entered the main control and buckled himself down. “Switch on... red.... green... systems all blue... on stand by...” shadow read from the screen. “Engines... green... pressure... green... systems, go.” he read, as the fuel chord and electrical charge chords let lose from the machine.

Inside the main control of a Dark was different from a Light. In the Dark, Shadow had to sit, it had the controls more like a car then a killing machine. It was cramped and the boundaries of the inside were more defined then inside a Lisu. He pulled on his helmet, and switched on ‘cloud mode.’ Cloud mode is where the pilot views the outside from a monitor, where the pilot sees outside yet nothing can see inside.

He put the Dark into a forward motion, entering the stadium. It was packed with thousands of Lisu and Daku students. Daku, usually were in what they call ‘nose bleeders’ (The really high up seats.) This being a military school, both mechanic and pilot students attend.

Shadow gazed out over the crowd, he spotted Kurai with Mao in the nose bleeders. His eyes trailed downwards, Tomoshibi Kai sat in the front seat. He was smiling happily sitting next to an attractive young girl. Beside her was a scruffy looking turd of a male, he had black hair and was flirting with the young female.

Shadow laughed to himself. “In this exam,” the voice cracked over the crowd of people, “student number 88 will be tested on strength and bravery, will power and skill. Starting at level one, target practice.” The female said, her voice eerily echoed through out the room. Shadow smiled, and gripped the trigger.

“Pressure... green... automatic gunfire, off...” Shadow read off to himself, flipping through switches.

“Ready... go!”

Red holographic targets appeared into sight. “There!” Shadow yelled, hitting a bulls eye, the targets turned to green. Two more shot up from the ground, to more direct hits. Shadow waited for the next, “Three maybe?” He questioned. 50 targets flew up from the ground, shadow gripped tightly to the steering, his machine lunged into the air, shooting every target in view. At the top of the arch he flipped the machine upside down, spinning it slowly. 4 targets left. He swung the arm down, bullets flew out.

“Student number 88 receives 500 points. All targets hit in center, no bullets wasted.” The announcement sent everyone into awe. Tomoshibi stood from his seat. His face said it all, pure amazement.

“Level two, swords.” The crowds awes fell silent. “Ready... go!”

“More red targets.” Shadow frowned.

“First skill, vertical strike.” The lady said. Shadow adjusted the settings of the Dark. He slashed down with perfection. “Perfect. Second skill, horizontal strike.” Shadow pushed up a leaver, the arm to the Dark rose, two metallic hands grasped the end of the sword. He pushed the leaver down and the Dark ripped through the target.

“Perfect. Third and final skill, 88s’ choice.” Shadow raised the sword again, only held the blade backwards. He smiled, as he lowered the blade to waist level. He thrust it out towards the target, his machines footing leaving the ground to roll onto its back. While in air, he switched the hand the blade sat in. Pulling the top half of the Dark up, he sliced backwards, cutting the target in two. When he landed a piece of tubing fell off of the Dark, Shadow frowned.

“Backwards switch handed rolling blade cut.” The announcer analyzed. The crowd roared out in excitement. “500 points for this performance.” The announcer called out. The crowd stood screaming out the name of the cut.

Act two- Diviner

There was a distant sound, hallowed but loud. The sound of guns, screaming perhaps? Light flooded his eyes. The young boy lifted his small hands to rub the glare from his eyes, when he lowered his hands all he could see was sand, ruined cars and buildings. He was in a desert, that at one time may have been a prosperous place.

“Hello?” He called out running towards a fallen building, his small legs kicking up sand and stumbling. “Mama?” He called out again, “Mama?” He fell to the sand, face first, tears swelled in his eyes. “Mama...” He buried his face in his hands as he wept.

“Are you okay?” The boy in the sand lifted his head startled. He sat up and used his legs to push a little farther away from the second boy. “Here, have some.” The other boy took off his hat, inside was a cloth. He unwrapped it to reveal stale bread. He broke off a piece and placed it in the boys hand.

The boy looked at it for a second, his hunger over took suspicion and he ate it. “Thank-you.” He said looking up at the other boy. The other boy had orange hair, and a goofy smile across his little face. He smiled wider. His clothes were torn and dirty, and his hair was rugged and unbrushed.

The orange haired boy gave him the thumbs-up. “I’m Maonaka Kage, call me Mao, who are you?” He said, coughing, pulling his hand up to his mouth.

“I’m... a Lisu. Do you hate me for that?” The young boy said nibbling on the stale bread.

“Do you feel hunger? Or pain? Or the heat?” Mao asked the young boy.

“Yes.” The boy lifted his head, his golden eyes looked into Mao’s orange eyes.

“Well then, how could I hate you if we are two of the same?” Mao laughed.

The young boy in the sand sat looking up at Mao. Two of the same he thought, his eyes wide. The wind kicked up, blowing sand and muggy air into their faces. His hair gently swayed with it.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Mao asked with a worried look, he knelt down and placed his small hand on the other boys forehead.

“Nothing.” The boy shook his head with a smile. “My name is, Shadow.” The young boy looked up at Mao, he smiled back.

“Sha-kun!” A voice came over the sounds of the wind. “Sha-kun! Can you hear me?” Shadow opened his eyes, he was still in the Light. “Sha-sha!” Mao called out from outside the Light, “Come on Sha-sha, wont you let me in?” Mao said in a jokingly seductive voice.

“You are disgusting.” Shadow mumbled weakly. The door to the Lights’ main control opened. Shadow could barely keep his eyes open.

“How rude.” She said as Shadow disappeared out the metallic door that he entered in.

Shadow walked towards the room he had first entered in, the dreaded ‘waiting room’ as he did he saw the female from earlier, the instructor. “Student 88, Here is your room key. You did very well congratulation you have set a new standard for the school.” She said handing him a thin piece of plastic with the school symbol. “Your room key is also your elevator key.” She pointed to two elevator lifts. “Your key will only work for the ‘blue’ elevator. This is so men and women will not have to worry about the opposite gender roaming the halls.” She took a breath then continued, “Your uniform will be on the bed in your room. You will be assigned a roommate, so do not panic if you wake up to someone in your room.”

“Ah, yes ma’am.” Shadow saluted, then he headed towards the dorm room elevators. “Blue?” He said reading the screen above the card slot. He pushed the card in the slot. ‘Welcome, student number 88, continue in please.’ The screen read as it pushed his card back to him. Shadow stepped into the elevator. The doors automatically shut, ‘Destination, 3ed floor.’ The screen typed the automatic destination. The elevator started up with a roar, sending him up the stories quickly. ‘Ding dong’ The elevator had arrived, the massive doors sliding away.

Shadow took his leave from the elevator. Which is my room? He thought as he read the information on his card. “Hall C, room 11.” He read off his card, “Well this is hall C... room 7...8...9...10... Ah.” Shadow stood outside of room 11. The door was oak and the stain used on it was dark, carvings were along the sides of the door. The number 11 sat in the middle in gold numbers.

Shadow turned the handle and entered the room. It was big, two beds, a kitchen and a bathroom. One closet and a stained oak armoire. Where each bed sat the wall would bump out in a half pentagon shape to surround the headboard with windows. Black curtains were draped off of silver curtain rods. Golden patterns claimed stake at the bottom of the cloth. The beds were covered with black blankets with the same patterns as the curtains.

The beds were located in the left of the room while the kitchen and bathroom were to the right. The closet was closest to the door and the armoire was in between both beds, with a good 60 cm apart from each bed. At the base of each bed, in a small basket was the school uniform, it was black and gold, complete with the school symbol on the shoes and wings on the folded sleeves.

Shadow removed his shoes and left them at the front door. He unbuttoned the trainee uniform- a simple blue jump suit with blue athletic pants. He tossed the blue jacket on the floor, beside the basket. Shadow then slipped under the covers of the bed and fell a sleep, almost instantly.

“Shadow? That’s your name?” The young boy Mao seemed disappointed. The sand swirled at his feet, his smile faded a bit.

“Ah, yes.” Shadow nodded.

“That’s not a great name... let me see, I will call you, Sha-kun!” Mao’s smile returned and he laughed.

Shadow looked up at Mao and smiled, “I like that name.” He said. Mao held out his hand, Shadow took it. Mao pulled Shadow up. “Thank-you.” He said shaking Mao’s hand.

“What are you doing out here for anyway, Sha-kun?” Mao asked seeing how sun burnt Shadow was. “You’ve been walking for a while?”

“Ah, yea. I’m looking for mama.” Shadow said his smile faded.

“You lost your mama?” Mao said in disbelief.

“Yea. I need to find her, she’s really sick and-” Mao started coughing, blood ran out of the corner of his mouth, “Mao-kun?” Shadow said worried. Mao stumbled forward, his head landing on Shadow’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” He said. Shadow fell over.

“Hey, are you okay? You’re heavy.” He said, Mao was unconscious. Shadow dragged Mao out of the sun and into a building that had some roof left in it. “You can’t die.” Shadow’s eyes filled with tears. “I have to get some water.” He said to himself. He looked all over the ruins, but couldn’t find any trace of water. The sun had set, as Shadow returned to Mao’s side.

“Sha-kun,” Mao smiled feebly “look, there’s a fishy.” Mao pointed to the starry sky. Shadow looked up. There was a light in the sky, It had a round end and streams of light flew off making it look like the round light had fins.

“It is a pretty fish.” Shadow said, knowing that it was only a falling star, “Mama use to talk about that kind of stuff all the time.” Shadow rubbed the tears from his eyes and smiled for Mao.
“Lets make a wish.” Mao said with a smile.

“Ah.” Shadow nodded. He placed both his hands together like he was praying to the sky.

“Sha-kun.” The image was fading from Shadows mind. “Sha-kun.” The voice laughed a little. Light flooded his eyes as he awoke. “Good morning sleepy head.” Tomoshibi Kai stood looming over him, half naked. “First class is in half hour, you might want to get ready.” Tomoshibi was hand drying his hair.

“Half hour?” Shadow yelled kicking off the covers and running with his uniform into the bathroom.

“What is with young men and sleeping in these days?” Tomoshibi laughed as he pulled on his uniform top. He buttoned it up and straightened the collar. “His bed is a mess, ah what the heck.” Tomoshibi neatly spread the blankets over the pillows. “All clean.” He smiled cheerily.

“An idiot, how am I an idiot?” The boy yelled at Shadow. No reply. He clenched his fists. “I’ll show you who’s the idiot.” He muttered, jumping on his desk, he ran forward and grabbed Shadow by the collar of his uniform. Shadow made no attempt to move, but instead yawned. Magami Raised his arm, his hand rolled into a fist. “What do you think of me now?” Magami asked, the teacher trying to get him to settle down and release Shadow.

Shadow didn’t say anything. “Why wont you answer me?” Magami punched Shadow in the stomach. Pain crossed Shadows face, it hurt.

“That’s enough.” Kai took hold of the arm Magami was holding Shadow up with. He clutched hard, smiling a soft smile.

“Tomoshibi... Kai?” Magami let go of Shadow’s collar, “Forgive me.” He said dropping on the floor, his hands placed out in front of him. “I didn’t know that this Lisu meant so much to you. Forgive me.” He panicked.

“Get out of my sight.” Kai said.

“Yes sir.” Magami stumbled back, while getting on his feet.

“I can still see you.” Kai said, his smile still as soft as ever.

“Forgive me!” Magami yelled running out of the room.

“Pathetic. Sha-kun are you okay?” Kai beamed happily, “You didn’t get hurt did you?”

“Ah.” Shadow said.

“That’s good.” Kai smiled putting his arm around Shadow’s neck. “Friends need to stick together.”

“Ah.” Shadow said again.

“Is that all you can say to a man of bravery, whom just so happened to save you from a beating you’d never forget?” He said expecting more out of Shadow on the third try.

“Ah.” Shadow repeated.

“You’re hopeless!” Mao shrugged, his goofy grin had returned to his face, “It’s cute though.” Mao placed his index finger on his upper cheek and stuck out his tongue.

The girls In the class whimpered amongst themselfs, stuff like “Mao is gay?” and “No Mao! You can’t be gay!” and things like “Is he kidding? He’s kidding right?” the most popular was “Are they together?”

Shadow found this mildly amusing. “Edigowa, your seat is the one next to the window.” The teacher said. Shadow walked over to the window seat and sat down. He supported his head with his hand as his elbow sat on the table.

Snow was falling from the sky, outside looked peaceful and beautiful. The snow hadn’t yet accumulated enough to cover the ground. Shadow yawned once again.

“Sha-kun?” Mao said in a quietly.

“Yes?” Shadow asked turning back to attend to the sick Mao.

“What did you wish for?” He smiled a little “I’ll tell you what I wished for if you tell me what you wished for.”

Shadow nodded “I wished that I could protect those I care about.” Shadow said shyly.

“Really?” Mao smiled wide, “I wished that I could know what people are thinking and feeling.”

“That could be handy.” Shadow laughed. Mao coughed again. “You should get some rest, you don’t want to get even more sick do you?” Shadow smiled opening his backpack. He pulled out a small black blanket and placed over Mao’s shoulders. “Have good dreams.” Shadow said crawling into a corner. The air was cold.

Mao stood and stumbled over to Shadow. He sat down beside Shadow and spread half the blanket over him. “We can’t both get sick now.” Mao said, “You know, I’ve never had a friend before.” Shadow looked up at him.

“Then I’ll be your first.”

Smack!

Shadow slowly opened his eyes, and sat up straight in his chair. A long wooden ruler was beside him on the desk.

“Wake up! The bell rang, get out.” The teacher said retracting the ruler.

“Okay.” Shadow collected his things and walked over toward the door.

“Good morning sleeping beauty!” Mao jumped on his back, “I have some lovely pictures of you sleeping, you look so cute.” Mao said flipping through the camera in his hands. Shadow grabbed the camera, and crushed it with his hand. “You broke it. Oh well, it was Pankz-ki’s anyway.” Mao smiled wide.