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 Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 4:27 pm
I wrote a poem, and a short story recently, and I need some feedback on them lol. Please read them both and tell me how you feel about them and if I should change or add on to anything. ^^
~Yuna~
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 4:28 pm
Why Can't You Accept Me For Me? =( (short story)
Every morning I wake up scared of the world. I go to school and end up lonley. I just want to stay locked up in my room all day and cry. Why can't people accept me for me? Why can't you love me the way I am right now? Why can't I just be me?
At school everyone loves me, but not for who I am. Then at the end of the day they leave me to go home to loving parents that give them warmth. I go home to parents who don't care or love me. Every night I get a beating by my parents for no reason. They're always drunk. I hate them. I want my parents to love me for me. And care for me. I long for their warmth of love that I never got. Do you know how painful it is to lock your true self up forever? Do you know how its like not to be yourself?
So everyday, I feel lonely, sad, dark, and empty. All I long for is love from my parents and to be myself. I want people to love me for me.
-By: Yuna-chan
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 4:29 pm
I Love You X3 (poem)
My soul, as black as coal.
My heart, as cold as ice,
and as hard as stone.
My emotions and laughter,
Hope and faith,
Love and care.
Are all gone, drained out
By my heartless soul.
I don't know how to love.
I don't know how to care.
I have no faith in myself.
All is gone, all is lost, all is forgotten,
All until I found you.
-By: Yuna-chan
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 2:51 pm
hmm..the short story is kinda sad...but it has a good meaning
and your poem is great ^.^ liked that one better, lol
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 6:28 pm
wow, ur very creative yuna.
i think ur short story is very meaningful in many ways, i do have advice for u, but i dont mind if u dont like it tho. ur word choice is a little limited, u might wanna choose another word to replace some, but idk if u did it purposely, it sounds like u did it purposely so i was just wondering.
awsome! ur an awsome writer, i hope u enter a great poem in the upcomin poetry slam ^^good luck
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Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 7:50 pm
I personally liked your poem better than your story, but they both are very good. Writing Power!!!!
Your story, is I feel very relateable, wanting the desire for people just to love you for who you are and ask for nothing else from you. I understand that, I truly do which is why I like it very much.
smile
I heart your poem. Just when you think all hope is gone, you find your other half and you learn to love again. Beautiful poem. The structure of your poem I find is also just perfect 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 5:41 pm
Thank you for your feedback everyone ^^
I really appreciate it X3
If you would like to read more writing pieces from me, I have some in my gaian journal ^^
You are always welcomed to leave comments on there X3
heart ~Yuna~ heart
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Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 6:46 pm
My newest story that I just recently wrote is called, "My World is Just a Dream"
Please feel free to write a comment about it here or in my gaian journal ^^
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Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 7:04 pm
My World is Just a Dream
As the sun rises on the horizon, the moon shyly slips away under the cover of dark blue sapphire clouds. The cool sherbet rays of hope light up the sky for a brand new day. The leaves of deep emerald green sway gently on their brown tanned bodies as the wind sings to it's rhythm, and the blades of fresh, yellow-green grass that flourishes the land; sway their little arms along with the tune of the wind's gentle and graceful voice.
Nocturnal creatures gently retire to their homes hidden in the shadows of the dawn, as the creatures of the daylight awaken to the smell of morning. Now fully rise, the bright blazing sun shines proudly across the land, as vividly colored flowers fill the air with their sweet scents. White, fluffy clouds fly gracefully in the sky as they smile to see their reflections in the clear, shiny, mirror-like water; that flows gently in the wide, vast oceans of the world.
Everything is so beautiful, and calm. So relaxing. . . But soon, this whole world evaporates, and I awaken into the world of realities. My world is just a dream that will never come true as long as the dark, horrible world of reality still exists, still conquering our minds, and still consuming our imagination.
-By: Yuna-chan heart
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Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:43 am
Okay I'll read it. biggrin
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