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Nanatsuiro-Rainbow Captain
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 Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 10:20 am
At the grave i stand on one side of my mother Joey stands on the other . My aunt and uncle stand behind me. I've never felt so alone in my life. I don't want to think about the coffin or that my fathers body is in side it .
A couple weeks go by and we all have trouble dealing with the fact that my dad is dead.
Kevin Elms, 36 shot and killed at his store. This Los Alamos citizen leaves behind a wife Kelly, a daughter Kaley 15 , and a son Joey 7
Mom desides to get away from it all . She desides to take us to Atlantic City.
(( tell me what you think of it so far this are only the first paragraph of the first chapter of the book im writing))
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 1:58 pm
Wow, it's pretty good for only
the first paragraph!
The few errors are bugging me
but it's really, really good...
it seems like an awesome premise
for a book.
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Granite_Goddess Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 4:47 pm
I really like it, but I do agree, the errors bug me. By any chance does this re-late to twilight. I'm writing a fanfic that really doesn't have to do anything with the characters.
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 4:57 pm
Granite_Goddess I really like it, but I do agree, the errors bug me. By any chance does this re-late to twilight. I'm writing a fanfic that really doesn't have to do anything with the characters. i dont know . . . not really
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Nanatsuiro-Rainbow Captain
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Nanatsuiro-Rainbow Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 5:03 pm
sorry about those i typed it up real fast
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Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 4:31 am
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Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 11:55 am
I think you need to take out FORKS!!!! I have already read it and you need to change the name of the place. Other then that I can't wait to see what you change about Jackson!!
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Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 6:40 pm
I Love Edward Cullen27 I think you need to take out FORKS!!!! I have already read it and you need to change the name of the place. Other then that I can't wait to see what you change about Jackson!! shutup before you ruin more of it
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Nanatsuiro-Rainbow Captain
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Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 5:42 pm
Hey!!!!! Just talk about Jackson he is my favorite.
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Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 1:45 pm
I'll give you a hit about the fire ... She loses something that she holds close to her heart
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Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 9:32 am
Screw the stupid hints I want to know!!! scream scream scream scream scream
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Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 1:12 pm
Ok lets see what I can pick out of that hint...
1.House
2.Cat
3.Jackson
4.Waterfall
5.Diary
6.Parents
That's all I got and I may have missed some and/or have some wrong
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Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2009 6:29 pm
I like it, I agree change the city, maybe some other place in the north western states. Other then that, I love it!!!
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Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2009 1:57 pm
FINE I'LL CHANGE IT TO ATLANTIC CITY !!
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Nanatsuiro-Rainbow Captain
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 4:28 pm
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