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 Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 7:36 pm
just something that came to me today. I was more happy that I got a good tune, but if you could help any with my not worth crap lyrics, that would be fantabulous. Also, I need a name. Possibly one of the following: Turbulence, Breathe, More or less.
Anyways, here goes nothing...
Open my eyes
and bring me back to you
but listen to my cries
and please don't turn away
I can't breathe anymore
I can't breathe
you can't here me (no)
will you breathe for me?
for me?
It's another day
more or less
so look out your window
and flying above my head
my white flag waves to you.
I can't breathe anymore
I can't breathe.
you can't here me (no)
will you breathe for me?
for me?
will you breathe?
Forget about me
Forget about me
turn around and walk away
forget about me
Breathe for me.
For me.
Breathe for me.
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 12:24 am
Kinda deppressing, but good nonetheless..
I think a good name would be "Forget about me"? I don't know...
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 10:51 am
I like it. The lyrics remind me a bit of paramore, maybe it's because they have a song called breathe and that was the first thing in my head?
The one bit i am not sure of is this bit, although i have not heard music so i can't comment on it in much of a way but lyric wise it ends somehwhat abruptly.
Forget about me
Forget about me
turn around and walk away
See i think maybe you could insert another couple of lines here? like maybe repeat the forget about me x2 like before and then insert a line that rhymes with turn around and walk away?
forget about me
Breathe for me.
For me.
Breathe for me.
This song seems nice though. I would like to hear it with music 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 11:57 am
Thank you guys so much!
Now, do I dare post this in the main lyrics forum? >< whenever I go in there, I get eaten alive.
anyways, I'll definitely take that suggestion. When I can, I'll get it here with music. I'm currently working on the piano part.
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Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 7:21 am
Awsumness, wish you luck with that piano part. Don't let those jerks eat you alive. I used to get that to me in the writing forum with my poems and stuff. Most of the time they are arrogant jerks that hide their shy little selves behind bb code rolleyes
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Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 11:00 pm
I'm sorry but whenever I read lyrics like this I always imagine the most cliche music alongside it and it's bad, I'd have to see how you use it to really judge you as an artist.
I mean if you read jonny cash songs without hearing how he works with the words it sounds god awful.
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Tomatoes and Radiowire Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 3:15 pm
It does sound rather cliche to me but it flows to some point regardless.
JUST DONT MAKE THE MUSIC MAINSTREAM BULLSHIT PLEASSSE
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Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 1:19 pm
yes, or anything like a band called 'cinema bizarre'.... disgusting band..
cinema strange was way better.
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Tomatoes and Radiowire Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 2:23 pm
I like it. Personally, I can see it becoming the kind of thing you'd hear rocking a stadium with an energetically rocking band behind it. I see it working with a chick who has a powerful rock voice that carries and can't see it working as a sad piano song. But I'd like to hear it when you get it done.
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