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 Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 7:08 pm
Find quotes and post them here. In two weeks, I'll pick one that makes me chuckle the most, and the poster will get 5k gold for their efforts.
Blacklist
The following people may not be quoted, just because almost everything they say is hilarious, or has a piss-poor sense of humor:
George Carlin
Robin Williams
John Stewart
Pablo Fransisco
Denis Leary
Gabriel Iglesias
Adam Ferrara
Bill Maur
Jim Gaffigan
Janeane Garofalo
Jay Leno
David Letterman
any other late-night talk show host...yuck
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 8:41 am
Hey, if I see any I like can I add them to my quotes page on my website?
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 10:32 am
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 2:37 pm
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
Peter O'Toole
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 3:00 pm
Lewis Black Quotes;
1. “A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!'”
2. “If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.”
3. “Why would you hire MTV to do music? MTV has nothing to do with music, ok? MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken. MTV is video, and video goes where? In your eye, music goes in your ear. Ear eye, eye ear, big f***ing difference! Music is like a drug, when you hear it you have a vision, and that vision can change over time or remain the same.”
4. "You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in ONE SENTENCE....what it does....it's illegal."
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 10:21 pm
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
dont make me come down there - god
mole from south park- god is hte bigest b***h of all
ok enough of quotes from everyone else and from shows that will probily get people to hate me ^^; sorry everyone if any of this offended ya guys
me- everytime i blow my nose...it feels like it will never become clean...
me- teh more money i have...the happier the soda machine will be.
me- when the day comes that women rule the world...men will be sorry...for they will have to put up with all the s**t they give women...
me- give me the chocolate and i wont have to kill you...
me- today...is the day...something good will happen...eventualy... -.-'
((if any sayings from me have been used before...tell me who and ill change it...i tryed to make most of my sayings different but its becoming a little hard hope you like thme all))
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Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 7:23 am
If money cant buy happiness, then why do hookers cost so much?? - Raine (my friend)
Girls are lik telephones: they lik 2 b held and talked 2 but push the wrong buttons and u'll get disconnected - Mandi (my friends)
If u love sum1: put a leash on them -Mandi
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. -Raine
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. -Trace's dad
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird. -Me
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. -Raine
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.' -trace
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling. -me
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Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 1:06 pm
Okay, first of all I HAVE to say OH. MY. GAWD. LOL!!!!
Secondly, it only takes 2 muscles to flips someone off (and a tendon).
If practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect........why are we practicing again? --Me
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Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 6:27 pm
I know I won't get the prize; I just wanted to add to the chuckles. This is a selection of some of my favorite quotes.
"It's easy to sleep next to someone as long as that someone isn't SNORING LIKE A HORNY BLUE WHALE HUMPING A FOGHORN."
- Candy DeWitt
"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
- Gloria Leonard
"Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure."
- Ross MacDonald (1915-1983)
"There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal."
- Sigfried Hulzer
"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"
- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
- the Duchess of Windsor, when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life
"The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people."
- Lucille S. Harper
"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
"You may be sweet, you may be cute... but you are FAR from innocent."
- Craig, when Kitty said she was "totally innocent"
"Husbands are expensive pets, especially when they have health issues..."
- My mother
"Hey, I took a semester of psychology in high school; its always about someone's mother!"
- Harrison from Tru Calling
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Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 5:36 pm
Hey, sorry for this going on too long, we couldn't decide on a winner, so...IT'S A TIE! The winners are:
"The more money i have...the happier the soda machine will be." _-_angel_-_moonsilver_-_
"You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in ONE SENTENCE....what it does....it's illegal." posted by Dameon Clowes, originally by Lewis Black
Keep an eye out everyone, this will return!
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