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Tags: writing, roleplay, discussion, stories, poetry 

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My first attempt at a dark poem - tell me what you think

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Agni

PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 6:52 pm


But, I love her!

That night,
Within the tavern,
I drank.
I stammered,
I stumbled,
I was drunk.

I cursed god,
For my losses
For his sins.
It was not fair.
For, I loved her.
She was my life.

With a swift boot
Upon my a**,
I found myself
Outside, cold,
Dead.
I cared not.

I roamed the streets,
Aimlessly,
Without life.
Then…
I found her.
I smiled.

With a soft smile
She hithered me,
“come” I did.
I stumbled,
I stammered,
I arrived.

Her sight,
Her touch,
Her kiss!
Cold,
Dead,
As my heart.

She touched,
She messaged,
She sucked,
The soul,
From my body.
Damn.

For I knew
It was wrong.
She was dead
“This is wrong”
I thought.
But, I love her!
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:47 am


Definitely strange Agni, but not bad. It tells a story that's for sure.

Shanra the Dragon Bard
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 2:05 pm


yes, I agree with Shanra, it definitely tells a story. The flow is slightly strange, but I think it does work with your poem.
PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 9:24 pm


I have always been amazed at how something so small can say so much.

In my opinion, you should definitely send in your work--preferably something you haven't already made public on the Internet.

luvs2wolf_is_a_dragon

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