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 Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 8:28 pm
Once upon a time,
On an old, old day,
Under skies like cut crystal,
Over seas like cut glass,
The world unfurled
In a mess of dust,
Opened up its rotten heart,
And said: "Awaken."
From forth that gaping wound came the stars, the brave ones.
They admired the black earth and
Spread their wings
The better to see if the heavens really were jeweled glory
Not just an expanse of imperfect falsehood,
Brother to the lovely, flat, dilute sea
Beneath.
The stars killed themselves for that sight, in the end,
Slamming over and over against
Something harder, colder, brighter than they
For all that it turned red,
Smoky,
Black,
As they approached.
In the end they left only hairline cracks for their efforts
Then perished, escaped,
Though their fire-bodies, round, massive orbs of a more mortal light
Remained.
There were things that came after the brave ones,
Weak greenery sprung from the rich welcoming corruption,
But I forget what they are;
They could not have been very important.
What I remember is an
Old, old day
Roofed in rocky diamond
Floored in frozen sand
With dark deaths and bright deaths
Between.
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Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 9:51 pm
Brilliant, briliant, brilliant! Your writing puts me to shame, as always. It reminded me a bit of the end of my favorite movie, what the main character said. The ending was my favorite part. Two thumbs up.
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Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 10:04 pm
And my heart feels cold... I long to rip open my chest to reveal my own rottenness and hope to see the stars.
Can I say no more? I can't. My awe has left me lost... I long to find that battlefield so I can weep..
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Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 10:32 pm
Did no one ever tell you that it's cruel to leave comments lovelier than that which instigated them, Remy?
But thank you. Both of you. You've just made my day. =]
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Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 10:40 pm
You inspire me. No easy feat. But your story of the stars reminds me of a great myths which call to my heart. And my words may be nice and fluffy, but your words bring tears to my eyes and longing in my heart.
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Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 10:57 pm
Then I've achieved something with this, and am briefly content.
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:19 am
Briefly indeed. Any other comments/criticism? I'd be glad of it.
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 10:25 am
.....If I try to find a metaphorical meaning, which I'm thinking I can, am i supposed to? Because it's just words strung together for me unless I'm looking for a hidden meaning. Right now, I'm thinking the stars are like dreams that we follow, and they just end up dying because we look to falsehood. Or something. stare
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:41 pm
Words strung together, at least from my point of view. No worries. =]
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 7:51 pm
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:02 pm
Do you see it too Kirby? crying
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:32 pm
You both see more in it than I, which makes me happy.
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Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 5:16 am
I don't see anything....... Now I understand how my English teacher felt reading Dickinson...
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Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 9:44 am
xd Sorry? Oh well, I s'pose. I can understand that, since I don't see much in it myself, as I've said. Each to their own.
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Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 10:04 am
I see something all right O.O *awe*
This is wall-worthy. May I?
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