The FDA is considering the following warnings on beer and alcohol bottles...



1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an a*****e.

3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD.

4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 in the morning.

6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.

13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy. Remember: When you drink, don't drive. If you drive, don't park. Parking causes people.